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Author Topic: Trads Losing Their Children to the World  (Read 8785 times)

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Offline Last Tradhican

Trads Losing Their Children to the World
« on: October 30, 2018, 05:31:23 AM »
The question below came from the "Do you Celebrate Halloween" thread. I thought it might be a good opening for a useful thread for parents:


Quote
Yes, this is a very difficult balance to be found.  I've seen it over and over and over again where Traditional Catholics tried to be so perfect with their kids, that it only ended up creating a resentment regarding all the things other kids do that are forbidden.  Then, as soon as they find some independence, they bolt off and are co-habitating with some non-Catholic woman.  They go nuts with "forbidden fruit" syndrome.  So, unless something is sinful or otherwise harmful, we don't restrict it.  Sometimes the attempt to be "the perfect parents" is driven a bit too much by ego.
What exactly is this error that you have seen over and over again that makes their children want to "bolt off and cohabitate with some non-Catholic woman"?
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Offline Ladislaus

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Re: Trads Losing Their Children to the World
« Reply #1 on: October 30, 2018, 07:29:52 AM »
You have never witnessed the "forbidden fruit" syndrome?  It's very common when kids go to college.  They get their first taste of freedom and then go crazy in overdoing all manner of vices.  Kids whose parents do not allow them to consume alcohol, for instance, are generally the most likely to be found throwing up every night / morning in the dorms.  For those who have had a little here and there, well, alcohol has less of an allure for them.

I will not list names, but I would say that the majority of Traditional Catholic children in the two chapels near me have gone off the deep end after becoming independent.  Several marriages in the Novus Ordo, much sinful cohabitation (sometimes with the fiction of a civil marriage).  Many of these are now divorced.  Quite a few have ceased practicing the Faith altogether.  And, from what I have seen, the more strict their parents were when they were growing up, the farther they strayed.  Young men and women who are ultimately called to the married state often become frustrated with the lack of suitable prospects at their relatively-small chapel populations.  So, often, the second they find someone to whom they are attracted, they go for it.  Very, very common.  I think it's healthy for youngsters to mingle in controlled public settings (no exclusive dating) with members of the opposite sex.  That way they can develop a sense for the type of person they would be compatible with, and the allure/mystique of the opposite sex quickly wears thin.
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Online Pax Vobis

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Re: Trads Losing Their Children to the World
« Reply #2 on: October 30, 2018, 08:41:53 AM »
Quote
You have never witnessed the "forbidden fruit" syndrome?
This syndrome is not the only (or greatest) cause for Trads going with the world.  Typically it's step 5 after steps 1-4 have already failed.  Other reasons (or combinations) for trads leaving the Faith.  Lots of times, there are multiple reasons:

1.  Poor catechesis and religion being superficial.
2.  Lack of parent involvement in teaching religion, so that it has no practical, day-to-day weight and is only theoretical.
2b. Religion and God aren't taught in a postive way, with the reasons behind God's laws and why they are beneficial.
3.  The child is just a black sheep or a wild child or simply prideful, regardless of the families' pious nature.
4.  Child is corrupted by bad friends.
5.  Child is not encouraged in pursuit of natural talents and good activities and wholesome fun (i.e. lack of alternatives to 'forbidden fruit')

There's probably a lot more.  Most children who choose the forbidden fruit don't do so at a whim, but are usually discouraged in a variety of ways before they go this extreme route.
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Offline Last Tradhican

Re: Trads Losing Their Children to the World
« Reply #3 on: October 30, 2018, 09:04:41 AM »
Quote from: Ladislaus on October 30, 2018, 07:29:52 AM
  And, from what I have seen, the more strict their parents were when they were growing up, the farther they strayed. 
What is strict?
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Online Pax Vobis

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Re: Trads Losing Their Children to the World
« Reply #4 on: October 30, 2018, 09:52:49 AM »
The way I’ve heard it explained is that a parent can’t be an authoritarian without having established a positive relationship with the child.  If there are rules in absence of love/acceptance, the child will look for love/acceptance other places, which the parent will see as “rebelling”.  The child won’t see it as rebelling, they’ll see it as escaping a dictator.  

But if the child knows he’s loved and has a relationship with his parents then he’ll trust the rules and be more open to following them.  

There was a Protestant psychologist who said that most of his male patients who were atheists grew up Christian but stopped practicing because they had a horrible relationship with their Father, which clouded their view of God.  I’m sure the same thing applies to women somehow but he didn’t explain.   
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