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Author Topic: Trads Losing Their Children to the World  (Read 8789 times)

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Offline Ladislaus

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Re: Trads Losing Their Children to the World
« Reply #10 on: October 30, 2018, 10:46:19 AM »
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It's a little bit like the theory behind inoculation.  The theory behind inoculation is good and sound, and pretty much everyone practices it.  The idea is that at some points in life your immune system is weak, at other times, it is strong.  When it's weak (e.g. a newborn) you limit exposure to any and all possibilities of disease.  But then when your kid is five, you have a chicken pox party.  They're stronger, they can "handle it," and it'll be much worse if they have to deal with it as adults.  There are of course some things you never expose them to, and you never just carelessly throw them into rooms with diseased people, but to the degree that they are so exposed and supervised through the difficulty, you see them develop an interior strength to help manage and respond to such forces.
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Similarly with morals, it seems that some exposure to the world-- whatever exactly that entails, is obviously up for debate-- is necessary in the interest of the formation of good morals.  

Yes, this is incredibly important.  If they can face some of the "bad things" in the world while under your guidance, you can help them work their way through it.  We can't expect that our children will live their ENTIRE lives in some Amish-like society bubble.  Most of them eventually get jobs.  Or they go to college.  And, boy, if they haven't encountered vice before that in some measured way, wow will their system be in for a shock at college.

Offline Ladislaus

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Re: Trads Losing Their Children to the World
« Reply #11 on: October 30, 2018, 11:01:40 AM »
Let me give you a couple examples of my own personal development.

Initially I thought that I would never allow my girls to wear ANY makeup.  I considered it to be wanted by girls only for impure purposes.  I grew up with 3 brothers and was out of the house when my one young sister got older (she was 8 when I was gone).  And my mother never wore makeup ... not out of principle, but just because she never felt like it.  I have four daughters now, and both the older ones, when they hit puberty, developed acne (inherited through their Mom's side).  And I was shocked by the degree to which they were derided by their Traditional Catholic female friends.  They asked if they could wear some stuff to cover up, and of course I let them.  Nothing heavy, but just enough to make them feel not "repugnant".  Imagine if I had stuck to my guns, as some Traditional Catholic parents had done, and they spent years and years feeling "repulsive" to other people.  That would cause severe emotional and psychological scars for a girl.  So I came to the realization that there's nothing inherently wrong with a girl just wanting to feel pretty.  And I also realized that 99% of the time, it was in relation to their FEMALE peers, that they wanted to feel pretty, and not because they were trying to "ensnare" some boy.  So as long as I don't sense any impure motives, I let them wear some light makeup, just so they can feel pretty.  And I let them wear nice clothes (provided they're not in any way immodest) ... instead of imposing the "Little House on the Prairie" look that many Traditional Catholics require of their girls.


Re: Trads Losing Their Children to the World
« Reply #12 on: October 30, 2018, 11:03:30 AM »
I would encourage every parent to help their child make the 9 First Fridays, or 5 First Saturdays, or Double Great Novena, to the Twin Hearts Together - 9 First Fridays and 9 First Saturdays simultaneously, after confession and a good preparation - shortly after their First Holy Communion. https://www.english.santisimavirgen.com.ar/dos_grandes_novenas_eng.htm The Savior promised those who complete it in their baptismal innocence will never fall into mortal sin all their life - a priceless grace that efficaciously ensures they will not apostatize or fall into other grave sin. Please try the Novena. It is extremely powerful and it works. And in general, the key is to ensure children fall in love with God, and experience His grace right from their youth, especially in Holy Mass and the Holy Eucharist.

I agree with the other suggestions and advice, but God is powerful enough to grant the efficacious grace to overcome any temptation, provided we duly make use of the necessary means to obtain that grace. To obtain perseverance, to triumph over even the possibility of ever committing mortal sin again, a deep experience of the Love of Our Eucharistic Lord in one's infancy or early childhood is a must. 

This is the Promise, "12. Those that make this novena in their baptismal innocence (especially the children) will never offend my heart with serious sins." and like all the Lord's promises, He will keep it even if we think He cannot. Teach your children to love and console the Hearts of Jesus and Mary right from their youth, to offer Holy Communion as acts of love and reparation, and keep the First Fridays.

You will find very few other devotions to which such a great grace is promised. To the Way of the Cross said every day, it is granted. To the 3 Hail Marys, said every day morning and night - this is recommended by St. Alphonsus and others - it is also granted. But all these devotions require continual practice on the part of the child, whereas the other can be completed before the children leave home. 

Online Pax Vobis

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Re: Trads Losing Their Children to the World
« Reply #13 on: October 30, 2018, 11:15:08 AM »
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But sometimes, even when they do get this from their parents, they seek a more intimate type of love/acceptance from the opposite sex.
Yes, in this case it's more of a "black sheep" mentality or an adventurous spirit in the child (i.e. a choleric who likes to challenge the rules).  But...i've never seen a child who had a good relationship with their parents give up the faith totally.  Yes, they could make some horrible decisions and screw up their life immensely but they wouldn't give up religion (or at least not due to hostility.  They could give it up due to laziness or for pleasure, but that has nothing to do with the parents and this kind of reason can be overcome by grace - see St Mary Magadalen or St Augustine.  But when a person gives up religion due to hatred or "rational" reasons, only the grace of God can overcome this strong emotion).

On the contrary, i've seen some kids (some relatives) who had a bad relationship with their parents (both parent/child were to blame) but otherwise had a great childhood and they gave up religion even though they never did anything crazy or extremely stupid.  They were just "blah" towards the whole idea of God.  This, of course, was a gradual process, but their foundation for loving God was greatly compromised by their disfunctional family.  (Again, this was not all the parent's fault).

Then you have the case of the loving parents but who are strict, not in the sense of not allowing freedom, but who are just "control freaks" and don't know how to "let go" and let their children legitimately experience AND FAIL at life.  They don't know how to let a 13 year old decide when/how to do their homework and face the consequences at school (the parents continue to micro-manage the teenager just like they did when he was 3 or 4).  If parents don't let their kids make dumb decisions at a young age, they'll make them when they're out of the house at 18 or 20.  You can't avoid dumb decisions; you can't avoid life lessons.  Failure is the best teacher there is.  But you have to let them fail in a controlled environment or else they will fail when no one is around and the consequences are more extreme.

Then there are some kids just have to go wild to figure out the limits of life and experience first-hand the idiocy of their ways (i.e. Prodigal son, St Augustine, St Mary Magdalen, etc).

Offline Ladislaus

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Re: Trads Losing Their Children to the World
« Reply #14 on: October 30, 2018, 11:52:53 AM »
But...i've never seen a child who had a good relationship with their parents give up the faith totally.  Yes, they could make some horrible decisions and screw up their life immensely but they wouldn't give up religion (or at least not due to hostility.  They could give it up due to laziness or for pleasure, but that has nothing to do with the parents and this kind of reason can be overcome by grace - see St Mary Magadalen or St Augustine.

Yes, you're right.  When they leave for selfish interests (e.g. pleasure or laziness), they usually stray for a while and then come back.  I've known many who strayed for years, even decades, only to snap back to it.  Seeds were always there for them to return to.  They often find that the allures of the world are not what they were cracked up to be, and that the promises of happiness are empty.

Along the lines of what XavierSem recommended, I made a point of doing the First Saturdays and First Fridays with each of my children right after their First Communion, and I trust that some day they'll be saved.