https://greekdownloads3.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/quales-ducendae-sint-uxores.pdfOn the Kind of Women Who Ought to be Taken as Wives1. That I was absent from you in the previous assembly, I grieved; but that you enjoyed a richer table, I rejoiced. I grieved because of my affection for you, but I was glad because of the excellence of the speaker. For such is the nature of love: it desires to be present, yet it prefers the benefit of those loved.My absence was not due to negligence, but to a necessity of health; yet my mind was with you.
Just as a physician, even when not present, inquires about the wounds of his patients, I also return to see how you have fared. Today, I wish to address the matter of marriage—not to condemn marriage, for "marriage is honorable and the bed undefiled," but to correct those who use it poorly. Many men today do not seek a partner for life, but a business transaction. They look for gold, for land, and for nobility of ancestors, while the character of the woman is the last thing they consider.
2. Why do you seek a rich wife? Tell me. Is it so that you may live in luxury? But a rich wife often brings with her a spirit of pride and a tongue that is sharper than a sword. She does not come to you as a helper, but as a mistress. She looks upon you not as her husband, but as her servant, because she brought the wealth. Do you wish to buy your own slavery?
When a man takes a wife who is much wealthier than himself, he loses his own authority in the house. He cannot rebuke her, he cannot guide her, for she immediately throws her dowry in his face. "I brought you this house," she says, "I brought you these servants, I brought you this silver." In seeking to be rich, you have lost the freedom of your own home.Is it not better to have a modest wife and peace, than a rich wife and a daily war?
3. And what of nobility? You say, "She is of a great family." But what is nobility to us? In the Church, nobility is not found in the blood of ancestors, but in the virtue of the soul. If she is the daughter of a consul but is foul-tempered, she is ignoble. If she is the daughter of a common laborer but is God-fearing, she is more noble than any queen.
Do not look to the tombs of her fathers, but to the disposition of her heart. For when you are in the house together, it is not her ancestors who will comfort you in your sorrow, but her own kindness. It is not her family's rank that will manage your home, but her own wisdom.
4. Then there is the matter of physical beauty.[ This is the greatest deception of all. Beauty of the face is a fleeting thing; it is at the mercy of time, of disease, and of the elements. A single fever can wither it; the passing of years will surely erase it. If you love your wife only because she is beautiful to the eye, what will you do when that beauty is gone? Will your love vanish with her youth?
Seek instead the beauty of the soul. A woman who is virtuous, even if she is not fair of face, becomes beautiful to her husband because of her goodness. But a woman who is physically beautiful but lacks virtue is like a golden ring in a pig's snout. Her outward appearance only makes her internal ugliness more visible. The beauty of the soul never grows old; it flourishes in old age and remains even after death.
5. God created woman to be a "helper." But what kind of help did He mean? He divided our life into two parts: public and private. To the man, He gave the business of the marketplace, the courts of justice, the defense of the city, and the labor of the field. To the woman, He gave the management of the household, the nurturing of children, and the creation of a refuge for her husband.
Neither should despise the work of the other.For a man can spend all day in the marketplace, but if he returns to a house that is in disorder and a wife who is contentious, his labor is in vain. And a woman can manage a home perfectly, but if the husband does not provide, the home cannot stand. God made us to need one another, so that through our mutual need, we might be bound together in love.
6. Therefore, when you are choosing a wife, do not ask the matchmakers about her money. Ask instead: "Is she modest? Does she know how to remain at home? Is she a woman of prayer? Does she treat her servants with kindness? Is she disciplined in her speech?" If she has these things, she is richer than any woman with a mountain of gold.
If you find a wife who fears God, you have found a port of peace. She will be a counselor to you in your difficulties, a source of strength in your poverty, and a teacher of virtue to your children. She will not demand pearls and expensive silks, for her ornament is a quiet and humble spirit.
7. And I say this also to you, the husbands: If you want a virtuous wife, you must be a virtuous man. You cannot demand from her what you do not practice yourself. How can you expect her to be modest if you are at the theater looking at other women? How can you expect her to be quiet if you are loud and abusive?
Marriage is a yoke. If the two oxen do not pull in the same direction, the plow will not move. Honor your wife, for she is your own body. As the Apostle says, "He who loves his wife loves himself." Treat her with the greatest reverence, for she is the partner of your life and the mother of your heirs.
8. Let us then cast away these worldly standards. Let us not seek wealth that perishes, nor beauty that fades, nor nobility that is but a name. Let us seek the wealth of the soul and the beauty of virtue. If we build our marriages on this foundation, our homes will be like small churches, and the peace of God will dwell within them.
Thus, we shall pass through this life with all freedom and security, and we shall be counted worthy of the kingdom of heaven, by the grace and love for man of our Lord Jesus Christ, to whom, with the Father and the Holy Spirit, be glory and power, now and always, and unto the ages of ages. Amen.
-Translated by google.
Topic: Chrysostom on finding a wife... (Read 9464 times)