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Hello,

First time mother of a 15 month old girl. I have no one else in the house to help except my husband who works from home, he can help a little during the day but of course not a lot. 

I’m having a very hard time balancing taking care of the baby and giving her attention with keeping up with the household duties (cooking, cleaning etc.). She’s gotten to the point where she’s very clingy and wants to be around me all the time.

I have a playpen in the living room but it’s not in view of the kitchen, so if I put her in it we can’t see each other while I’m in the kitchen and most of the time that will get her irritated and starting to fuss. 

I do have a gate in the kitchen so she can be with me inside, and I’ve been doing that a lot, but then she gets very clingy and wanting to grab my legs and wanting me to hold her etc. It’s very hard to get stuff done carrying her or with her holding on to my legs and of course it’s dangerous if I’m cooking. 

A friend who had 8 or 9 children basically told me that you’re supposed to make sure they’re clean, fed, and then just leave them somewhere safe while you get stuff done and just periodically go and check on them, doesn’t matter if they’re fussing or crying, just leave them there and get things done. 

I haven’t had the heart to do that yet and honestly it gets me very anxious and irritated to be hearing her fuss and cry, so I’m constantly in this situation of doing something, getting interrupted by her, tending to her, playing with her a little, going back to try to finish something, then starting all over again. It’s a vicious cycle.

I don’t know if this is part of the cross of having children, that you’re going to HAVE to leave them and hear them crying all the time while you do your duties. I see no other way because otherwise I get slowed down a lot and can’t finish all I have to do.

HELP!

I would wear them on my back using an ergo carrier.

Something like this.

I’ve done it both ways.  I’m a mom of 8 with one on the way.  My husband was insistent that I let one of my babies cry it out all the time.  He was number 4 and I had very little help.  I was obedient and did what he asked.  Now that child is very anxious and has very little compassion for others where my other kids are more compassionate, confident , and loving.  

I usually roll my eyes at everything modern psychology suggests but one thing I think they do have right is to let your child know you are there when they are crying.  Sometimes they need a hug and then they are off and running again.  My younger ones are very confident kids.  I wish I had done the same for all my kids.  Now, there are times when you can’t tend to them.  Don’t worry about that.  If they need to cry some so you can get a shower or get dinner done, it’s ok!  As you have more kids, the older ones are great at helping to entertain the younger ones and they are not nearly as clingy.  But sometimes they do need reassurance that you are there.  From ages 0-3, especially.  Also, they are only little once.  As I get older, I have come to treasure all the snuggles because they grow up fast.  Don’t sweat the chores too much.  Just my opinion.