Author Topic: Catholic jokes (Read 10151 times)

Mithrandylan · « **Reply #15 on:** February 18, 2013, 04:02:33 PM »

Not sure if I saw this one posted.

Big Irish family. Daughter runs away at 16. Comes back at 24. Approaches her dad and says 'father, I'm so sorry. I've run away and become a prostitute.' Irish dad gives her a smack. 'How could you do this to ye mother? ye father? ye brothers and ye sisters! shameless harlot!' she responds 'I've brought compensation for my ills, a new car for ye, a new sewing machine for ma, and ten million dollars to help provide for the children.' The father looks at her and says 'what did ye say ye'd become?' 'A prostitute, da' she says and hangs her head. 'Oh! I thought ye said protestant! Weclome home, lass!'

Pelly · « **Reply #16 on:** February 19, 2013, 02:00:03 PM »

Now, this is a real event. I was fooling with CleverBot. I fooled it with sillyness, that's why computers never become humans. Now, I sent this gibberish: Qz239z492zhfoihcohoe7z9ö2375ö9273.
And I noticed after sending that it has a Bernandian trigram in it!

Nadir · « **Reply #17 on:** February 19, 2013, 04:56:45 PM »

Quote

Job at the FBI

The FBI had an opening for an assassin.

After all the background checks, interviews

And testing were done, there were 3 finalists;

Two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of

The men to a large metal door and handed

Him a gun.

'We must know that you will follow your

Instructions no matter what the circuмstances.

Inside the room you will find your wife sitting

In a chair ... . . Kill her!!'

The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could

Never shoot my wife.'

The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man

For this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions.

He took the gun and went into the room. All was

Quiet for about 5 minutes.

The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried,

But I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't

Have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the

Same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the

Gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one

After another. They heard screaming, crashing,

Banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was

Quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the

Woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to

Beat him to death with the chair.'

MORAL:

~~Women are crazy. Don't mess with them~~

MORAL: If you want a job done, hire a woman :dancing-banana: :rahrah:

Nadir · « **Reply #18 on:** February 19, 2013, 05:04:06 PM »

BTW, Matthew, this is the first thread I have seen where you didn't get thumbs up. Can't understand it!