Author Topic: Suffering from loneliness (Read 152799 times)

Simeon · « **Reply #160 on:** May 22, 2024, 04:30:35 AM »

Quote from: Bataar on May 21, 2024, 11:09:58 AM

I would love to be married and have a family. It just doesn't seem to be a realistic possibility so I don't focus on it. Focusing on finding and making buddy level friends is nearly impossible in and of itself so hoping to make deep and meaningful friendships or the absolute best option, a holy and Catholic spouse seem just as realistic as hoping to win the lottery.

My autism is a huge obstacle when it comes to anything social. My brain is wires backwards for lack of a better term. Most people get to know people by just talking to them. They can be with a group of complete strangers and just start talking to them because it is the act of the conversation itself that is important.

I need to be able to get to know someone through repeated interactions with them to learn if they're someone I can have a conversation with. Put me in a room with a bunch of strangers and I'm lost. I don't have any reason to talk to one person over another person and since I don't know them, I have no idea what they would be interested in talking about. It's hard for me to stress how important this is, but when I talk to someone I don't know, the topic of the discussion is the most important thing. Obviously if the person is someone I do know and care about on some level, things are different as I actually do care about that person and want to know more about them.

I'm also very purposeful. Everything I do has a purpose, even if it's something as simple as relieving boredom. I generally can't think of a reason to leave my house by myself so I just stay home. I know I won't meet anyone at my house, but if I can't think of anything to go do by myself, I'm at a dead end.

I used to joke about finding the wonderful and seemingly mythical place known only as "Out There". I can't count the number of times I've heard, "You just need to get out there." I never could get a specific location or time from them. 😉

Have you ever looked into social networks for people with autism? Where people can share their frustrations and challenges and get to know one another over time, as you say you require?

These people might not be Catholic, but they might be decent enough for you to interact with.

You might even meet a woman who understands you.

2Vermont · « **Reply #161 on:** May 22, 2024, 04:37:37 AM »

Quote from: Bataar on May 21, 2024, 11:09:58 AM

I would love to be married and have a family. It just doesn't seem to be a realistic possibility so I don't focus on it. Focusing on finding and making buddy level friends is nearly impossible in and of itself so hoping to make deep and meaningful friendships or the absolute best option, a holy and Catholic spouse seem just as realistic as hoping to win the lottery.

My autism is a huge obstacle when it comes to anything social. My brain is wires backwards for lack of a better term. Most people get to know people by just talking to them. They can be with a group of complete strangers and just start talking to them because it is the act of the conversation itself that is important.

I need to be able to get to know someone through repeated interactions with them to learn if they're someone I can have a conversation with. Put me in a room with a bunch of strangers and I'm lost. I don't have any reason to talk to one person over another person and since I don't know them, I have no idea what they would be interested in talking about. It's hard for me to stress how important this is, but when I talk to someone I don't know, the topic of the discussion is the most important thing. Obviously if the person is someone I do know and care about on some level, things are different as I actually do care about that person and want to know more about them.

I'm also very purposeful. Everything I do has a purpose, even if it's something as simple as relieving boredom. I generally can't think of a reason to leave my house by myself so I just stay home. I know I won't meet anyone at my house, but if I can't think of anything to go do by myself, I'm at a dead end.

I used to joke about finding the wonderful and seemingly mythical place known only as "Out There". I can't count the number of times I've heard, "You just need to get out there." I never could get a specific location or time from them. 😉

This thread has been alive for over a year now. Have you tried any of the advice given? If not, why not? if yes, which ones did you try and what happened?

Bataar · « **Reply #162 on:** May 27, 2024, 12:56:02 AM »

Quote from: Simeon on May 22, 2024, 04:30:35 AM

Have you ever looked into social networks for people with autism? Where people can share their frustrations and challenges and get to know one another over time, as you say you require?

These people might not be Catholic, but they might be decent enough for you to interact with.

You might even meet a woman who understands you.

I'm a member of some online groups for people with autism. No one in those groups live near me though. When I lived in the Seattle area, I tried going to some in person groups, but they were all mostly for people who were much lower functioning than I am. The few higher functioning people who attended were practically communist when it came to their social views so I didn't engage with them at all.

Bataar · « **Reply #163 on:** May 27, 2024, 01:10:59 AM »

Quote from: 2Vermont on May 22, 2024, 04:37:37 AM

This thread has been alive for over a year now. Have you tried any of the advice given? If not, why not? if yes, which ones did you try and what happened?

I've definitely tried praying more and asking for help to find and follow God's will for me. If I'm meant to be alone then give me the stregnth to deal with it and stuff like that. Unfortunately, no amount of prayer seems to help or make any difference. I've tried finding new hobbies, but that hasn't worked. Being autistic, I have a few very specialised interests and trying to add new ones on a whim is nearly impossible. Thankfully the weather is getting nicer so I'm able to go fishing fairly frequently and walk my dogs, but while those are things I enjoy and will definitely alliviate boredom, they've never helped me meet anyone. I also really enjoy board games but I need to know people to play them with so that hobby is kind of dead right now. I tried to start a board game night at my church, but that fell through as the priests didn't seem interested in having one.

Stubborn · « **Reply #164 on:** May 27, 2024, 06:19:54 AM »

I have only skimmed through the last handful of posts but I'm wondering if you've ever been to a retreat? Not sure if that's something you would go for, but the SSPX is having some Ignatian retreats now if you're willing to travel a bit. I've never been, but those who've been to one or more rave about all the benefits, seems like something you might want to attend perhaps?

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Author Topic: Suffering from loneliness (Read 152799 times)

Simeon

Re: Suffering from loneliness

2Vermont

Re: Suffering from loneliness

Bataar

Re: Suffering from loneliness

Bataar

Re: Suffering from loneliness

Stubborn

Re: Suffering from loneliness