I was asked this question that is pretty much the final straw for me.  I was asked if I could see into the future, and I knew for certain that being Traditional would mean I never got married, would I continue to pursue tradition, or would I give it up because I want marriage so badly?

The fact that I had to pause and think about it, proves my very shallow understanding, and I suppose lack of authenticity when it comes to Traditional Catholicism.  I'm just not ready. Being domestic and an anti-feminist, wanting lots of babies and complementing it all with a daily rosary just isn't enough.

I thought about this for a while, and then the answer hit me.

PenitentWoman is confusing being a Tradtiional Catholic with being a Saint.

This is admirable in a way, and very idealistic of her, but it's a bit unrealistic.

If I asked you, "If I told you that you would lose your family and all your worldly possessions if you remained Catholic, would you stay Catholic?" and you hesitate at all, does that make you a bad Catholic?

Or does it just mean you're still human, and human feelings still play a part in your behavior? There's a REASON why Saints and Martyrs are special -- because they had to essentially climb uphill a steep mountain with no food or drink to get to their destination. They had to go against human nature 100%.

What human being naturally embraces extreme suffering and death? How about nobody. That's also why martyrs have to constantly pray during their ordeal, and not rely on themselves, or they WILL snap and lose the crown, and possibly their souls as well (like the 40th martyr exposed on the ice who snapped and denied Christ, got awarded the warm bath, which was a shock to his body and it killed him! How horrible, to know that a soul certainly went to hell...)

True, ideally any (traditional) Catholic should want to serve Christ perfectly. And to whatever extent we sin, we're hypocrites. How can we claim to be followers of Christ and then do un-Christ-like things?

But that doesn't mean that no one but saints can call themselves Catholic. All of us fall short of the ideal; the only question is how. But the important thing is that we call our sins "sins" and our faults "faults" and try our best to root them out, so that we might become perfect someday.

A traditional Catholic is just a real Catholic. Ideally, the burden of the adjective should fall to the "modernists". We should get the name "Catholic". Catholicism is FUNDAMENTALLY traditional in nature.

Quote from: Matthew

This pitfall seems to afflict those of a Melancholic temperament more than any other.

Correct you are sir.  

I don't know why you put my screen name in quotes -- Matthew is my real name as well as my screen name.

Tiffany, you have lied wickedly and sinfully about PenitentWoman.

Tiffany, you will answer to God for your vindictive and cruel malice towards that poor young Catholic girl.

Dear poche,

Those are nice sentiments.

It is good that you remind people to pray.

You are sometimes wrong about things, because you are new to traditional Catholicism.

But you remind us to pray.

Which is a good thing.

God Bless you, poche.

Quote from: Tiffany

The only poster I've seen in my limited time here who is predatory and  IMO a danger to others has been PW

A person can only hear such comments about themselves so many times before they start to internalize it. Words hurt.  

I've had a lot of difficulty lately excepting some of the spiritual truths of tradition. Social issues I'm confident on, but everything else I just feel numb over.

I've tried and tried...I've read and read. I still don't wake up and feel strongly about the things I should. I have little conviction about why the N.O. mass is wrong.  I believe it is wrong, for all the reasons given to me here, but I absolutely could not talk to someone today, relay what I've been taught, and convince them of anything beyond "the TLM is a more beautiful mass."

For some reason I just can't feel as strongly as I should about the things that are imperative to being Traditional.

It has been made clear to me that willingness (and even strong desire) to be a submissive helpmate, and have a big family are nothing more than desired characteristics of women who are already religiously Traditional.

My understanding now is that you can be a Traditional woman because you would never dream of attending the N.O. mass. Because you have an interior life that is strong. You could still even have feminist tendencies, but that's okay because it is secondary to an understanding of the mass.  This makes someone traditional.  My beliefs only make me a "conservative Catholic" or something.  Not traditional. I only have the secondary (less important things) down.

I know that many people have noticed that I post ten times more about my clothing issues than anything about the mass.  There are two reasons.

1.). I have significant pressure from a few welling meaning posters (from opposite ends of the trad spectrum) to attend/not attend mass in certain places. When I talk about these issues in posts, I receive insistent pm's from both sides.  This why I just don't bother.

2.) I have serious, deep vanity issues and, as CatherineofSienna mentioned (and I rejected) I have developed scruples over modest dress. To the point of panic attack symptoms and insomnia. Over skirts.

I've gone from wearing immodest dress with such great confidence that I will forever be haunted by the  permanence of digital photography, to being severely self conscious and anxious... as if I wish I could dress away the past. My obsession over, and my changes in dress have caused accusations BOTH here and in real life of being attention seeking.  It's not a good sign when you begin to question your own sincerity, and start to wonder if you should just give up.

I was asked this question that is pretty much the final straw for me.  I was asked if I could see into the future, and I knew for certain that being Traditional would mean I never got married, would I continue to pursue tradition, or would I give it up because I want marriage so badly?

The fact that I had to pause and think about it, proves my very shallow understanding, and I suppose lack of authenticity when it comes to Traditional Catholicism.  I'm just not ready. Being domestic and an anti-feminist, wanting lots of babies and complementing it all with a daily rosary just isn't enough.

I believe God directed me here, but now I can't feel him at all. It's arrested development and spiritual emptiness. Posting here all the time is perhaps just a way to combat loneliness and pretend my personal life isn't a complete disaster.  I can't tell if it's good or bad to keep isolating myself.  I want to avoid sin, but I think my loneliness is hurting me mentally.

To be accused of being a danger to this board is very, very hurtful. It is just a word that seems ridiculous applied to myself.  I've never been described that way.

But the truth is, maybe I am not good for this board. Maybe my presence is problematic. From the very first thread I posted on, I worried I seemed disingenuous.  Three months later it is STILL a problem. I have to really pray about why that is.

And no, it isn't for silly reasons like inability of some to believe that I'm a domestic manic who hand washes laundry and bakes bread. If I could pray as successfully as I multitask housework, I'd be in great shape.

It is my spiritual problems and lack of marital experience that make me "dangerous" --or unsuitable for posting about things here. I have to accept that.

I came here to learn the faith, but I feel darker and more confused than I have in a long time. I'm not certain why that is, but maybe it was the result of missing an opportunity. I was presented with a place to learn the truth, and instead of doing that, I've just upset people, more than anything.  I have to stop just wishing for a husband who tells me where to go to mass, and how to dress etc. I need to have conviction on my own, and not be so weak and pitiful.

So many here have tried to help me.  Despite my fear that this was an overall failure of an experience, there were people who made an impact on me. If I've learned anything at all, it is that there is so much more to a person than what meets the eye. We each bear a cross that influences our opinions and how words come out...but it isn't the whole story. I'll never forget how it was I found this board.

Thank you to everyone who has tried to help me. I'm sorry to those who I annoyed or made believe I came here with evil intentions. Christ knows that I did not.

I really do have to break my addiction here and figure out my life...before I really do hurt someone with my ambivalence.

Please keep me in my prayers. In the past couple of days I've been forced to come to terms with some very serious issues that I've been in a state of denial over.  Things that will seriously impact my life. I have a lot of financial problems, an issue with my daughter's father that I need to come to terms with, and a family who honestly believes I've gone insane as a religious fanatic and that I need professional help.

I could really use your prayers...even if you are someone who thinks I'm a predator.  I know God knows I'm a good person, but just very troubled.

Please pray that the Lord will give me the strength to do what is right as a Catholic, out of personal conviction, not just going through the motions because I'm addicted to a forum that makes me feel that I'm held accountable. I have to do this alone, and be held accountable to God.  Please pray I will still someday find the fullness of truth in Tradition, and that I'll be stronger, so that my dedication to it won't be dependent on other things.

God Bless all of you for putting up with me.  I'm very grateful to have found CathInfo and I know I will miss it.

In Christ,

PW

 :smoke-pot:

Sounds like you need a break P.W.  

You'll be back.  

Quote from: Tiffany

The only poster I've seen in my limited time here who is predatory and  IMO a danger to others has been PW

A person can only hear such comments about themselves so many times before they start to internalize it. Words hurt.  

I've had a lot of difficulty lately excepting some of the spiritual truths of tradition. Social issues I'm confident on, but everything else I just feel numb over.

I've tried and tried...I've read and read. I still don't wake up and feel strongly about the things I should. I have little conviction about why the N.O. mass is wrong.  I believe it is wrong, for all the reasons given to me here, but I absolutely could not talk to someone today, relay what I've been taught, and convince them of anything beyond "the TLM is a more beautiful mass."

For some reason I just can't feel as strongly as I should about the things that are imperative to being Traditional.

It has been made clear to me that willingness (and even strong desire) to be a submissive helpmate, and have a big family are nothing more than desired characteristics of women who are already religiously Traditional.

My understanding now is that you can be a Traditional woman because you would never dream of attending the N.O. mass. Because you have an interior life that is strong. You could still even have feminist tendencies, but that's okay because it is secondary to an understanding of the mass.  This makes someone traditional.  My beliefs only make me a "conservative Catholic" or something.  Not traditional. I only have the secondary (less important things) down.

I know that many people have noticed that I post ten times more about my clothing issues than anything about the mass.  There are two reasons.

1.). I have significant pressure from a few welling meaning posters (from opposite ends of the trad spectrum) to attend/not attend mass in certain places. When I talk about these issues in posts, I receive insistent pm's from both sides.  This why I just don't bother.

2.) I have serious, deep vanity issues and, as CatherineofSienna mentioned (and I rejected) I have developed scruples over modest dress. To the point of panic attack symptoms and insomnia. Over skirts.

I've gone from wearing immodest dress with such great confidence that I will forever be haunted by the  permanence of digital photography, to being severely self conscious and anxious... as if I wish I could dress away the past. My obsession over, and my changes in dress have caused accusations BOTH here and in real life of being attention seeking.  It's not a good sign when you begin to question your own sincerity, and start to wonder if you should just give up.

I was asked this question that is pretty much the final straw for me.  I was asked if I could see into the future, and I knew for certain that being Traditional would mean I never got married, would I continue to pursue tradition, or would I give it up because I want marriage so badly?

The fact that I had to pause and think about it, proves my very shallow understanding, and I suppose lack of authenticity when it comes to Traditional Catholicism.  I'm just not ready. Being domestic and an anti-feminist, wanting lots of babies and complementing it all with a daily rosary just isn't enough.

I believe God directed me here, but now I can't feel him at all. It's arrested development and spiritual emptiness. Posting here all the time is perhaps just a way to combat loneliness and pretend my personal life isn't a complete disaster.  I can't tell if it's good or bad to keep isolating myself.  I want to avoid sin, but I think my loneliness is hurting me mentally.

To be accused of being a danger to this board is very, very hurtful. It is just a word that seems ridiculous applied to myself.  I've never been described that way.

But the truth is, maybe I am not good for this board. Maybe my presence is problematic. From the very first thread I posted on, I worried I seemed disingenuous.  Three months later it is STILL a problem. I have to really pray about why that is.

And no, it isn't for silly reasons like inability of some to believe that I'm a domestic manic who hand washes laundry and bakes bread. If I could pray as successfully as I multitask housework, I'd be in great shape.

It is my spiritual problems and lack of marital experience that make me "dangerous" --or unsuitable for posting about things here. I have to accept that.

I came here to learn the faith, but I feel darker and more confused than I have in a long time. I'm not certain why that is, but maybe it was the result of missing an opportunity. I was presented with a place to learn the truth, and instead of doing that, I've just upset people, more than anything.  I have to stop just wishing for a husband who tells me where to go to mass, and how to dress etc. I need to have conviction on my own, and not be so weak and pitiful.

So many here have tried to help me.  Despite my fear that this was an overall failure of an experience, there were people who made an impact on me. If I've learned anything at all, it is that there is so much more to a person than what meets the eye. We each bear a cross that influences our opinions and how words come out...but it isn't the whole story. I'll never forget how it was I found this board.

Thank you to everyone who has tried to help me. I'm sorry to those who I annoyed or made believe I came here with evil intentions. Christ knows that I did not.

I really do have to break my addiction here and figure out my life...before I really do hurt someone with my ambivalence.

Please keep me in my prayers. In the past couple of days I've been forced to come to terms with some very serious issues that I've been in a state of denial over.  Things that will seriously impact my life. I have a lot of financial problems, an issue with my daughter's father that I need to come to terms with, and a family who honestly believes I've gone insane as a religious fanatic and that I need professional help.

I could really use your prayers...even if you are someone who thinks I'm a predator.  I know God knows I'm a good person, but just very troubled.

Please pray that the Lord will give me the strength to do what is right as a Catholic, out of personal conviction, not just going through the motions because I'm addicted to a forum that makes me feel that I'm held accountable. I have to do this alone, and be held accountable to God.  Please pray I will still someday find the fullness of truth in Tradition, and that I'll be stronger, so that my dedication to it won't be dependent on other things.

God Bless all of you for putting up with me.  I'm very grateful to have found CathInfo and I know I will miss it.

In Christ,

PW

PW, yes, forums are an addiction, ones like this esp, since we live in a world with little relief and support, many of us come here for sanity adn to share with other Catholics that most of time, are in line with our thinking.....then we find that our motives are questioned and we are frequently attacked for not being in a certain mold, whether Stepford wives, neonαzιs adhering to a perverted view of Fide and nation/race/ethnicity, not being pure enough or attacked for being a SV or NOT being a SV,etc.
Trust me, a lot of time you have wasted here...find good supports, priests and friends.laugh much, live life, pray, hope and enjoy the fresh air.
IT will take awhile to get over coming here, often you find your mouse going instictively to the CI favorite,etc......Took me a good few weeks......hang in there..