Author Topic: N.O. Catholic Dictionary  (Read 667 times)

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Offline Alex

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N.O. Catholic Dictionary
« on: April 09, 2010, 01:35:57 AM »
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    AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

    1. Parish information, read only during the homily.
    2. Catholic air conditioning.
    3. Your receipt for attending Mass.

    CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync.

    HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

    HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.

    INCENSE: Holy Smoke!

    JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams.

    JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.

    JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.

    KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava.

    MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

    MANGER: The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.

    PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic Churches.

    PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass, consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.

    RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass - led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

    RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.

    RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

    TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.

    USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.

    Offline Elizabeth

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    N.O. Catholic Dictionary
    « Reply #1 on: April 09, 2010, 09:30:20 AM »
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