A great quote from St. Alphonsus:
https://www.ecatholic2000.com/liguori/school/perfect.shtmlCALUMNY AND SLANDER
To practice charity in speech you must, above all things, avoid calumny and slander. He who has contracted this deplorable habit disfigures his own soul and is hated everywhere, as the Holy Ghost says: “He shall defile his own soul and shall be hated by all.” (Ecclus. 21:31). If there are some who agree with him at times and encourage him in speaking ill of his neighbor, these very persons will later avoid him and be on their guard against his venomous tongue. They reason, and justly so, that if he speaks ill of others to them, he will speak ill of them to others. St. Jerome remarks that many who have renounced the other vices seem not to be able to keep from uncharitable talk. Even among those who have vowed to strive after perfection there are many who cannot move their tongue without wounding someone. God grant they may not end their life as did one unhappy slanderer; when on his deathbed, he bit his tongue in a fit of rage, and in this condition he died. St. Bernard speaks of another who was about to speak ill of St. Malachy when suddenly his tongue became swollen and was devoured by worms; after seven days of terrible agony he died a wretched death.
But, on the other hand, how dear to God and man is he who speaks well of everyone! “If in the course of his life, a man never spoke ill of his fellowman, I would consider him a saint,” says St. Mary Magdalen de Pazzi. Carefully guard against the habit of speaking unkindly of others, and especially of superiors. We render ourselves guilty of detraction not only when we reveal the hidden faults of our neighbor, but also when we interpret his good works amiss or assign to them an evil intention. It is a common fault with some people when speaking of their neighbor to begin with praise and end with blame. For example, “So and So is very capable; isn’t it too bad he’s so proud?” Or, “He is very generous, but he spoils it all by being revengeful.”
Dear reader, try always to say only what is good of your neighbor. Speak of others as you would wish others to speak of you. And in regard to the absent, follow the beautiful advice of St. Mary Magdalen of Pazzi: “Say nothing of an absent brother that you would not wish to say in his presence.” When you hear others speaking unkindly, be careful not to encourage them by manifesting an interest or pleasure in what they say; you might otherwise be a partner in their guilt.
“Six things there are,” says the Wise Man, “which the Lord hateth and the seventh his soul detesteth.” (Prov. 6:16). This seventh thing is the person who “soweth discord among brethren.” The talebearer goes about telling people what he has heard others say of them. He scatters the seeds of discord, enmity, quarrels and revenge. How severe the account such tongues will have to give before the judgment seat of God. If in the heat of passion one person speaks ill of another, we can have patience with him; most likely he will repent of what he has said. But how can the Lord be patient with those who deliberately sow seeds of discord and strife and destroy the peace and happiness of their fellow men? “Hast thou heard a word against thy neighbor?” says the Holy Ghost; “let it die within thee, trusting that it will not burst thee.” (Ecclus. 19:10). You must not be satisfied merely to enclose it in your heart; you must let it die there.
There are people who, on hearing a secret, seem to suffer the agonies of death until they can make it known in some way. Their secret is like a thorn that is piercing the heart and it must be torn out as soon as possible. Do not act in this way. If you know that your neighbor has committed a fault, be silent about it. Only then, when the good of others or of the guilty one demands it, may you reveal what you know.
In conversation, as far as possible avoid disputes. There are some people who have such a spirit of contradiction that they seem to take pleasure in always questioning what others say, even though it be of little or no importance. Thus little trifles sometimes give rise to a war of words; charity is wounded and the bonds of friendship are broken beyond repair. “Strive not in a matter which doth not concern thee,” says the Wise Man. (Ecclus. 11:9).
But, you will say: “I am right; I cannot bear to hear such absurd talk.” Listen to what Cardinal Bellarmine says: “An ounce of charity is better than tons of right.” To yield in a war of words is to win a victory, for you grow in virtue and preserve peace, which is better far than obstinately maintaining your right.
When you are offended or spoken to in an angry way, try to reply with meekness. If you are too agitated to do so it is better to say nothing at all, for in the heat of passion you may think what you say is right and proper, but afterwards, when the excitement has passed away, you will regret what you have said. An eye that is disturbed by anger, says St. Bernard, cannot see what is right or wrong. Passion is like a black veil that is drawn before the eyes; while it is there we cannot see things in their proper light. When he who offends you asks pardon, be generous enough to grant it in a gracious manner. If you have offended another be quick to repair the harm you have done. St. Bernard says, the best way to heal the wound you have inflicted by uncharitableness is to humble yourself. The longer you delay, the harder it becomes, and eventually you may neglect it altogether. Our Blessed Saviour once said: “If thou offer thy gift at the altar, and there thou remember that thy brother hath anything against thee; leave thy offering before the altar, and go first to be reconciled to thy brother: and then coming thou shalt offer thy gift.” (Matt. 5:23). But if it should happen that such self-humiliation would only anger the offended person the more, endeavor by some other means to quiet him.
Topic: Something sinister is afoot here (Read 20796 times)