I'm going to say something, this'll be it for a while until I feel a need to come back.
I have realized finally through God given visions today that I have been basing myself in the salvation of others too much recently. I should be thoroughly focused on my own salvation, and my own physicality as well as my spiritual. My emotional and mental remain undamaged, which I believe is why I can be so dense. I can be awake for 30 hours and keep the same train of thought, I can be told horrible tragedies and keep the same rationale. I am a resilient man and I am dense. I have been slacking on my physical duty, haven't done much besides push-ups, I've been too focused on money which should come tertiary. I didn't realize but found myself writing posts which rub off as whining, explaining causes for solemnity, which I am never usually feeling. I posted because I was slacking in my own life. Not because what I said is untrue, because it's obvious, redundant, and an issue solved only by God.
I have a strong want to have children, which gets brought to the surface once I'm solemn, because I wasn't given a fair shake at my own genetics. God has blessed me with an amazing face, good hair genetics, and good genetics overall for my body. But I was physically abused growing up, I was starved, neglected by my mother, and verbally and physically abused by my father. My mother only did one thing physical and it changed my life, maybe permanently, when I was 13 she threw an office chair at me and it broke the bottom 1/4th of my spine, resulting in it curving into my right cheek instead of down. Thank god it didn't break off, but now my spine is in a J-shape. I was turned away at the children's hospital of Atlanta for the issue not being serious enough, it is an issue which is destined to get worse if I allow it, if I were to be lazy, like the luxury others have, to sit down without movement it could easily get worse, it has before and I've fixed the worsening through exercise. To think perhaps I could've pigged out and maybe had it fixed.
I have the genetics to be 6'2-6'5, my mother is 5'11, I am 5'11 and have been for a year, I understand I'm not physically done changing but it's looking like malnutrition has played a role in my genetics not reaching their full destined potential. That's why I want to have kids. Even if my genetics have done fine despite everything, praise God, they have not reached their full capacity and while I finish out the rest of my growth, my goal is to allow my body to grow as freely as possible, with the least stress, best nutrition, etc. And once that's final, even before it's done I'd like to have children so I can foster their growth, physically as well as spiritually, to make sure they reach their full potential I never got, referring to physicality.
I am accepting of the fact that my woman is going to be my woman before she speaks to me, and I am going to do my best to prepare for her while she's waiting. Although this does not drive me, God does, Our Lady's sadness does, the despair in the world does, it is imperative I get well for her, too. She is going to be an amazing woman and she deserves it. I'm not going to claim all women act like Jews, some women are Jєωιѕн, and alright. Don't mind if you lean up against the wall on a date at a sit down restaurant. I'm not going to claim all women are the same way, perverted, corrupted beings broken down to nothing but their lustful desire. All of the ones who have approached me are, which are the only women/girls I've been out with. I am going to do a lot less searching and a lot more rejecting, the being too polite and not rejecting is what gets me knocked down in the first place.
The reading materials, dissection, time attended, encouragement are not going to waste.
I thank all of you, I back what I've said, but change starts from within, not posts which few will read, and almost all agree with. I have to become the ultimate man, for my future little men Michael, Alan Carmine II, and my little girls Molly, Francine, and Jacqueline, the rest I'll give to God or their mother to name.
Topic: I want daughters, I want sons, how many good girls? There are none. (Read 3952 times)