I brought up talking to a priest together and she refused saying that he wouldn't know anything about marriage... She said if we were to get counseling it would have to be a woman...

Or the wife is very insecure.

I know that when I first married (secular Christian, with the idea that marriage was forever) I took the silly route of saying that I would leave when things got to difficult.  I did not mean it. I was probably doing it to see if he would let me.  4 years later we became Catholic and then quickly became NO traditional.  That was another adjustment.  Then we moved away from all our family for his job, 6 weeks after a c-section with child number 2, another adjustment.  When child number 3 came, we jumped the NO ship, another adjustment.  We have been married for 27 years now.

If they cling to God, God will provide.

She sounds controlling and micromanaging. I used to be a germaphobe but it was causing stress and unnecessary arguments that I decided to relax a bit on some things. Maybe your wife grew up having to be super clean? And after we had our first child, I really had to let some things go. Toddlers are messy. And so is having many kids.

But I will definitely bring disinfectant wipes whenever we stay at a hotel.

How did you not know this before marriage?

I’m a woman and I know how we can be. Sometimes we just need a reality check on how our actions are negatively impacting those around us. Her saying she wants to separate is already going too far and that’s what she thinks.

It never fails, that if someone on CI is seeking marital advice, there's a cadre of single guys telling him he just needs to man up and put his foot down.

Your wife doesn't respect your authority? Well, man, you just need to authoritize harder.

What a bunch of retards lol.

First off, we don't have enough information to give you genuinely helpful advice. This is a HUGE adjustment period: you're newlyweds. You have a newborn. Your wife is an immigrant. And apparently she has a secular background to boot. And you've been married less than a year, so we don't even know how much of these problems are hormonal (post-partum personality changes can be extremely difficult, although they are temporary if managed correctly).

Second, if the fundamental problem is that your wife is strongly animated by feminism then I guarantee you the "authoritize harder" approach will only affirm all of her feminist dispositions. It will make her less happy and more distrustful of you. The level of anger, anxiety, and resentment in your home will increase, not decrease. And it will increase proportionate to the intensity with which you authoritize harder.

Third, it is the business of a husband and father to lead his family so that they can flourish.  Authority is a means to that end, not an end in itself. What you want, or what you should want, is for you and your wife to have a strong, holy, and happy relationship. So that your home is filled with love and your children have a good marital example modelled before them. That is a longterm project, and it's also a moving target to some degree. Navigating it correctly and effectively has almost nothing to do with your God given authority, but much more to do with your ability to manage a relationship, to inspire others trust, to reward proper behavior, and so forth.

So OP, you have painted your wife in a very bad light.  Is there anything that she does that is Catholic and you can work with?