Catholic Info
Traditional Catholic Faith => Anσnymσus Posts Allowed => Topic started by: Änσnymσus on June 11, 2025, 05:13:40 AM
-
Wife defrosts meat on the floor in its packaging that is open.
Anyone do this?
-
Tell her to clean the sink of all the dirty dishes, then she can defrost it in there.
-
Are you serious?
If it is true, then you should be man enough to say wife let's defrost the meat a better way and find suggestions on the internet.
If this is not true, then that makes you a troll :trollface:.
-
sink is currently empty. She believes the sink will become contaminated with dirt if she puts anything in there from outside. For example, fruits and vegetables just bought from store she washes in the restroom sink.
-
Are you serious?
If it is true, then you should be man enough to say wife let's defrost the meat a better way and find suggestions on the internet.
If this is not true, then that makes you a troll :trollface:.
I'm totally serious. She doesn't listen to me. She has some college degree in a biological field and so she thinks she knows better.
-
I'm totally serious. She doesn't listen to me. She has some college degree in a biological field and so she thinks she knows better.
How long have you been married?
-
Why on the floor as opposed to the kitchen counter, or a table? That is disgusting..Just tell her to put it in a large bowl with cold water, you can leave the packaging on and unopened. No one wants to eat floor meat :facepalm:
-
If I was to put the meat in the sink she would have a meltdown and would start threatening me with separation. It has happened many times. Plus i can't afford to start any fights with her today. Need to get my son's citizenship and passport squared away tomorrow and she needs to be there with me. She has already threatened she wouldn't go the other day because we were arguing. That's how she rolls. Serious threats if she doesn't get her way. Most men would walk away. Cant do that. I have a son now.
-
How long have you been married?
Less than a year.
-
Why on the floor as opposed to the kitchen counter, or a table? That is disgusting..Just tell her to put it in a large bowl with cold water, you can leave the packaging on and unopened. No one wants to eat floor meat :facepalm:
I know, that's what i do, but she has some serious contamination type OCD issue.
-
If I was to put the meat in the sink she would have a meltdown and would start threatening me with separation. It has happened many times. Plus i can't afford to start any fights with her today. Need to get my son's citizenship and passport squared away tomorrow and she needs to be there with me. She has already threatened she wouldn't go the other day because we were arguing. That's how she rolls. Serious threats if she doesn't get her way. Most men would walk away. Cant do that. I have a son now.
Then I guess you have to walk away from this argument. Is your wife a traditional Catholic?
-
If you mean she attends the Latin Mass and rejects Vatican II then yes.
-
I know, that's what i do, but she has some serious contamination type OCD issue.
And she thinks the floor is the cleanest spot and the meat is open? I will say some prayers for your wife, it sounds like she needs some help.
-
Then I guess you have to walk away from this argument. Is your wife a traditional Catholic?
Basically. You have to choose your battles. She is from an Eastern European country and so they are a little different. You dont wear shoes in the house. You dont walk barefoot in the house. You wear slippers. If you get in bed your feet must be clean. Thats the basics.
-
And she thinks the floor is the cleanest spot and the meat is open? I will say some prayers for your wife, it sounds like she needs some help.
Thanks
-
If I was to put the meat in the sink she would have a meltdown and would start threatening me with separation. It has happened many times. Plus i can't afford to start any fights with her today. Need to get my son's citizenship and passport squared away tomorrow and she needs to be there with me. She has already threatened she wouldn't go the other day because we were arguing. That's how she rolls. Serious threats if she doesn't get her way. Most men would walk away. Cant do that. I have a son now.
How old is the son? Does she have some Catholic friends maybe an older women that she can learn from? Your marriage is gonna be very difficult if she is already threatening to leave over little things like thawing meat on the floor vs on a counter. Many prayers for you as well.
-
Basically. You have to choose your battles. She is from an Eastern European country and so they are a little different. You dont wear shoes in the house. You dont walk barefoot in the house. You wear slippers. If you get in bed your feet must be clean. Thats the basics.
She is also probably cleaning your floors regularly. I bet your floors are cleaner than most!
Despite the Eastern Europe differences, she definitely sounds like she has OCD. Does this manifest in other ways as well? Also, is there anyone who can speak with her to help her see that she probably needs to get some (professional) help with this (especially since it is affecting the marriage)? In addition, if this hasn't already reared its ugly head in the rearing of your son, I wouldn't be surprised if it does.
-
How old is the son? Does she have some Catholic friends maybe an older women that she can learn from? Your marriage is gonna be very difficult if she is already threatening to leave over little things like thawing meat on the floor vs on a counter. Many prayers for you as well.
4 weeks old. Yes, she has a few Catholic friends.
-
4 weeks old. Yes, she has a few Catholic friends.
Are any of them a good example of a wife? You could encourage her to spend time with her.
-
She is also probably cleaning your floors regularly. I bet your floors are cleaner than most!
Despite the Eastern Europe differences, she definitely sounds like she has OCD. Does this manifest in other ways as well? Also, is there anyone who can speak with her to help her see that she probably needs to get some (professional) help with this (especially since it is affecting the marriage)? In addition, if this hasn't already reared its ugly head in the rearing of your son, I wouldn't be surprised if it does.
She does. She cleans pretty much everyday. She doesn't believe in brooms or mops, or swiffers. We have roomba she runs every once in awhile. She cleans the floor with a wet paper towel going back and fourth. The floors are white so that makes it much worse.
Anything from the outside that comes inside must be cleaned. Certain areas of the home are designated for dirty items that haven't been cleaned or cannot be cleaned. It's not just rules for her, but also for me. If I touch something that is considered dirty, I must wash my hands. If dont and then say, use the restroom, then she will go ballistic because she will have to clean everything I touched. The door handles, the toilet, etc. If I touch the floor with bare feet, I must wash the feet or else I cant lay on the bed. If i go outside and come back inside, I can't touch anything until I wash my hands. Then i must take a shower. Now when we are outside its a different story. No clean rules apply. Its like a double life.
-
Are any of them a good example of a wife? You could encourage her to spend time with her.
They are and she does visit them from time to time, but ive never seen that changer her habits much other than put her in a better mood. Currently she isn't likely to visit them since we have a newborn and don't want to put the baby at risk of getting sick.
-
She does. She cleans pretty much everyday. She doesn't believe in brooms or mops, or swiffers. We have roomba she runs every once in awhile. She cleans the floor with a wet paper towel going back and fourth. The floors are white so that makes it much worse.
Anything from the outside that comes inside must be cleaned. Certain areas of the home are designated for dirty items that haven't been cleaned or cannot be cleaned. It's not just rules for her, but also for me. If I touch something that is considered dirty, I must wash my hands. If dont and then say, use the restroom, then she will go ballistic because she will have to clean everything I touched. The door handles, the toilet, etc. If I touch the floor with bare feet, I must wash the feet or else I cant lay on the bed. If i go outside and come back inside, I can't touch anything until I wash my hands. Then i must take a shower. Now when we are outside its a different story. No clean rules apply. Its like a double life.
Did you know all of this before you were married?
-
Nope.
-
Nope.
That doesn't surprise me if she didn't live by herself/acts completely different outside of the home.
-
That doesn't surprise me if she didn't live by herself/acts completely different outside of the home.
She did live by herself.
-
I hope outsiders aren't looking at our forum and see this thread...........
No wonder.... :laugh1:
-
I hope outsiders aren't looking at our forum and see this thread...........
No wonder.... :laugh1:
Why?
-
She did live by herself.
Did you ever visit her at her house/apartment? It seems to me that she would have shown some signs there. This didn't just crop up after marriage.
-
Did you ever visit her at her house/apartment? It seems to me that she would have shown some signs there. This didn't just crop up after marriage.
Yes, I did and yes it did. Hindsight 20/20 i did notice something but at the time it didn't seem to strange and I didn't think much of it.
-
:laugh1: :facepalm: :laugh2: :jester: :cowboy: :facepalm: :clown: :fryingpan: :( ;) :smirk: :facepalm: :incense: :pray:
-
They are and she does visit them from time to time, but ive never seen that changer her habits much other than put her in a better mood. Currently she isn't likely to visit them since we have a newborn and don't want to put the baby at risk of getting sick.
Did it get worse after the pregnancy? Does she like hugs from you? I know these might be weird questions, but suggestions seem to need to be unique due to these special circuмstances.
-
Tell her to put down the college biology book and go read a book on food prep by a chef. Martha Stewart doesn't belong in a biology lab and a science professor doesn't belong in the kitchen.
-
Do you think COVID made her a little mad?
-
Is she this worried about cleanliness at other people's homes or at church?
-
Nope.
Yikes, hope for your sake it's only temporary.
-
Basically. You have to choose your battles. She is from an Eastern European country and so they are a little different. You dont wear shoes in the house. You dont walk barefoot in the house. You wear slippers. If you get in bed your feet must be clean. Thats the basics.
That sounds about right. My wife was born and raised in Poland, and while the question of defrosting meat never came up, there were tons of little differences that would emerge. She thought it was perfectly all right to leave pans of cooked food covered on the stove overnight, and/or to put the cooled-down pans directly in the refrigerator without emptying the contents into another container. That may have just been her family upbringing as opposed to Poles in general. One time her father had put my bottle of buttermilk out on the counter overnight because he didn't see it as something needing refrigeration, and they had a smallish European-style refrigerator with limited storage space.
-
Have you suggested an ignatian retreat?
If you are going to obsessive about something, it might as well be over one's salvation rather than a breadcrumb on the kitchen floor
-
I'm totally serious. She doesn't listen to me. She has some college degree in a biological field and so she thinks she knows better.
^ Your wife is brainwashed. This is why it's usually not a good idea to marry a woman who willingly goes to a university.
Is it weird that shes puts in on the floor? yea. Is it any less safe than being in the sink? probably not. A mouse or ant or something has a wayy better chance of getting in there.. You're wife is bonkers. sorry.
-
Did it get worse after the pregnancy? Does she like hugs from you? I know these might be weird questions, but suggestions seem to need to be unique due to these special circuмstances.
This is a good question. Possible some post-partum issues are at play here.
As usual a lot of answers from single men who've never had to manage a relationship before.
-
^ Your wife is brainwashed. This is why it's usually not a good idea to marry a woman who willingly goes to a university.
Is it weird that shes puts in on the floor? yea. Is it any less safe than being in the sink? probably not. A mouse or ant or something has a wayy better chance of getting in there.. You're wife is bonkers. sorry.
Right. She either has mental problems or this is some type of immature power-play.
-
If I was to put the meat in the sink she would have a meltdown and would start threatening me with separation.
.
You need to get marriage counseling from your priest as soon as possible. This behavior is mortally sinful, and he needs to tell her that.
Unfortunately, your belief that she rejects Vatican 2 is probably another deception on her part. Her behavior is that of a modernist, not of someone who believes in the Catholic Faith.
This is a very common syndrome, that people are raised in the new church and adopts its religion, and somewhere down the line they think they became traditional Catholic because they begin attending a trad chapel. They usually do reject the Novus Ordo, and accept the traditional Mass, but they retain the faith and morals of modernism, not Catholicism.
This manifests itself differently with men and women. With men, they usually just don't go to church, despite claiming to be traditional Catholic, and don't practice much religion at all. With women, it typically manifests itself in their rejection of Catholic teachings on marriage. They believe they can walk out on their marriage (as in the case of your wife), they don't believe they have to obey their husband, they don't believe in the marriage debt, and sometimes they even accept contraception.
In both cases, the problem is the lack of acceptance of belief in Church teaching. So, when a priest warns them that their behavior is contrary to faith and morals, they believe they can simply reject his words like they would disagree with someone who calling into a sports talk radio program who says something about their team's quarterback that they think is inaccurate. They do not believe they must accept the Church's teachings on faith and morals, and thus they are not Catholics.
Proof of this usually is that these people believe they can still receive the sacraments despite rejecting the priest's warnings, which shows a lack of belief in Church teaching and making themselves their own rule of faith, which is the very definition of modernism.
Your wife is probably one of those types, but the sooner you get your priest involved, the sooner the situation can be troubleshooted and the damage can be minimized.
-
From now on, you take the meat out of the freezer and put it in the fridge to thaw overnight.
-
For specific issues like meat thawing, to avoid taking things personal, ask her to search the topic is the USDA web page (safe defrosting methods: refrigerator, cold water, microwave, etc.). If she follows "science", she will have to give in.
-
You're her husband. Tell her to at least not put in on the stinking floor. That's messed up.
You have the authority. Tell her nicely, if she poo poos your request, I'm not sure what to tell you...
The evil law is in her "benefit".
-
Just because a woman rejects Vatican 2 doesn't mean she's not a feminist. We knew a staunchly SV couple with SAHM and homeschooling 5 kids, had a home chapel, the whole enchilada. She eventually divorced him and posts crap on Facebook about standing up to toxic people, don't believe the lies you hear about her, etc. Her daughters now wear pants which is a huge shift. No references to Catholic faith at all.
-
Just because a woman rejects Vatican 2 doesn't mean she's not a feminist. We knew a staunchly SV couple with SAHM and homeschooling 5 kids, had a home chapel, the whole enchilada. She eventually divorced him and posts crap on Facebook about standing up to toxic people, don't believe the lies you hear about her, etc. Her daughters now wear pants which is a huge shift. No references to Catholic faith at all.
This is sad. I see this happen a lot. I am not sure how the problem can be solved.
The OP should try to get a priest involved. If that doesn't work, is there a well respected older couple in the parish that you can speak with?
-
.
You need to get marriage counseling from your priest as soon as possible. This behavior is mortally sinful, and he needs to tell her that.
Unfortunately, your belief that she rejects Vatican 2 is probably another deception on her part. Her behavior is that of a modernist, not of someone who believes in the Catholic Faith.
This is a very common syndrome, that people are raised in the new church and adopts its religion, and somewhere down the line they think they became traditional Catholic because they begin attending a trad chapel. They usually do reject the Novus Ordo, and accept the traditional Mass, but they retain the faith and morals of modernism, not Catholicism.
This manifests itself differently with men and women. With men, they usually just don't go to church, despite claiming to be traditional Catholic, and don't practice much religion at all. With women, it typically manifests itself in their rejection of Catholic teachings on marriage. They believe they can walk out on their marriage (as in the case of your wife), they don't believe they have to obey their husband, they don't believe in the marriage debt, and sometimes they even accept contraception.
In both cases, the problem is the lack of acceptance of belief in Church teaching. So, when a priest warns them that their behavior is contrary to faith and morals, they believe they can simply reject his words like they would disagree with someone who calling into a sports talk radio program who says something about their team's quarterback that they think is inaccurate. They do not believe they must accept the Church's teachings on faith and morals, and thus they are not Catholics.
Proof of this usually is that these people believe they can still receive the sacraments despite rejecting the priest's warnings, which shows a lack of belief in Church teaching and making themselves their own rule of faith, which is the very definition of modernism.
Your wife is probably one of those types, but the sooner you get your priest involved, the sooner the situation can be troubleshooted and the damage can be minimized.
I agree with the bolded, but I'm not convinced that her rejection of Vatican II is a deception. Maybe the OP can shed some light on this, but I think the main issue here is her OCD. She has a sickness which has taken control of her. She is completely irrational.
-
I don't know of course, but other than the minor quips posted here, she's probably a good Catholic wife and mother. Have patience with her, she's just a child herself.
-
This is sad. I see this happen a lot. I am not sure how the problem can be solved.
The OP should try to get a priest involved. If that doesn't work, is there a well respected older couple in the parish that you can speak with?
The problem only gets solved when it is no longer beneficial for women to divorce. Most state laws allow divorce for frivolous reasons, and then wives get rewarded with $. In a catholic country, women wouldn't get much $ at all, and if they got a divorce, would have to support themselves, which most couldn't do. So it would force spouses to settle disputes and act like adults. As it is, a divorce is a strong temptation, especially when most women have been indoctrinated with anti-male and anti-patriarchy messaging. The satanic civil courts are anti-family and promote destruction of society.
-
After their first child was born, the wife of a friend got pretty "unhinged". It got bad enough that he took her to a doc. They ran a blood panel and found out that she was extremely iron deficient. After some supplements, she was back to normal.
-
The problem only gets solved when it is no longer beneficial for women to divorce. Most state laws allow divorce for frivolous reasons, and then wives get rewarded with $. In a catholic country, women wouldn't get much $ at all, and if they got a divorce, would have to support themselves, which most couldn't do. So it would force spouses to settle disputes and act like adults. As it is, a divorce is a strong temptation, especially when most women have been indoctrinated with anti-male and anti-patriarchy messaging. The satanic civil courts are anti-family and promote destruction of society.
Yes, but we can't wait around for laws to change. So how do we help families in our current churches not go down this path?
We really need to start thinking outside the box.
-
After their first child was born, the wife of a friend got pretty "unhinged". It got bad enough that he took her to a doc. They ran a blood panel and found out that she was extremely iron deficient. After some supplements, she was back to normal.
This might be helpful, too.
-
Yes, but we can't wait around for laws to change. So how do we help families in our current churches not go down this path?
We really need to start thinking outside the box.
Remind them of hell and Divine punishment. Outside of this, you can't stop free will.
-
This is why it took me until 33, and finding a homely (though beautiful), maybe even "wet behind the ears" wife who is about 10 years younger than me.
University, like a 4 year college one, is a huge red flag to me, personally.
No reason for post secondary education for a prospective trad catholic wife.. at all.
-
I agree with the bolded, but I'm not convinced that her rejection of Vatican II is a deception. Maybe the OP can shed some light on this, but I think the main issue here is her OCD. She has a sickness which has taken control of her. She is completely irrational.
OCD is typical of perfectionists.
I don't want to give bad advice which might backfire, but could the OP perhaps regularly invite friends or neighbours to the home as she reserve this behavior to the home and seems to understand that it's not normal and therefore doesn't behave this way in front of others.
It would be difficult to imagine an italian Mamma behaving like this, in a culture people come in and out of the house unannounced thoughout the day.
-
If I was to put the meat in the sink she would have a meltdown and would start threatening me with separation. It has happened many times. Plus i can't afford to start any fights with her today. Need to get my son's citizenship and passport squared away tomorrow and she needs to be there with me. She has already threatened she wouldn't go the other day because we were arguing. That's how she rolls. Serious threats if she doesn't get her way. Most men would walk away. Cant do that. I have a son now.
You need to put your foot down with her. She thinks she can be manipulative and there won’t be consequences.
-
Wife defrosts meat on the floor in its packaging that is open.
Anyone do this?
Personally I would never do this, my toddler would play with it. I defrost meat in a bowl in the fridge overnight or countertop.
-
She does. She cleans pretty much everyday. She doesn't believe in brooms or mops, or swiffers. We have roomba she runs every once in awhile. She cleans the floor with a wet paper towel going back and fourth. The floors are white so that makes it much worse.
Anything from the outside that comes inside must be cleaned. Certain areas of the home are designated for dirty items that haven't been cleaned or cannot be cleaned. It's not just rules for her, but also for me. If I touch something that is considered dirty, I must wash my hands. If dont and then say, use the restroom, then she will go ballistic because she will have to clean everything I touched. The door handles, the toilet, etc. If I touch the floor with bare feet, I must wash the feet or else I cant lay on the bed. If i go outside and come back inside, I can't touch anything until I wash my hands. Then i must take a shower. Now when we are outside its a different story. No clean rules apply. Its like a double life.
She sounds controlling and micromanaging. I used to be a germaphobe but it was causing stress and unnecessary arguments that I decided to relax a bit on some things. Maybe your wife grew up having to be super clean? And after we had our first child, I really had to let some things go. Toddlers are messy. And so is having many kids.
But I will definitely bring disinfectant wipes whenever we stay at a hotel.
-
I saw that you said she wasn’t like this before you got married. Did this kind of behavior start before pregnancy or during or after? Sorry if I missed it.
I’m just wondering because sometimes when horomones are out of whack or there are nutritional deficiencies a woman can be a whole different person.
When I am deficient or am having a hard time balancing horomones, internal rage and irrational thoughts are prevalent. I have to constantly work to control it with my will. When I am well balanced I do not have this problem at all. Post partum is the absolute worst time for it. I might suggest asking her what she is taking for supplements and look into what kind of nutrition she is getting.
I would start off with these gentle measures. It might fix it all. I’d be happy to recommend some supplements. I agree with some marital counseling from a trusted priest after that. If she really is just this obstinate, I am very sorry. If she is going to leave you over thawing food on the floor, she will do it with everything else. I’d start docuмenting everything. Write down the weird things. I agree with FarmerWife, you should put your foot down. She will either respect your authority or ship out, but if it ends in a battle for the baby, you will have plenty of docuмentation to say she isn’t of sound mind. Im sorry to be forward, but it’s best to be prepared.
-
Your only option is to completely dominate as the head of the household. MAKE HER submit to your will. NO MEAT ON THE FLOOR!
Perhaps a marital whipping is in order ..
-
You need to put your foot down with her. She thinks she can be manipulative and there won’t be consequences.
I am sorry. Statements like this bother me. We do not know what she thinks.
She seems to have a mental illness which has been exacerbated by having a baby. They really need to find some local help that is specific to their needs.
If she is trying to bolt with her threats, then being forceful might make her actually run. I am sorry the OP is in this situation.
We need to pray that God sends them the best help for their particular situation, so that the family stays intact.
OP you got this, you know your wife best, please act accordingly.
-
Your only option is to completely dominate as the head of the household. MAKE HER submit to your will. NO MEAT ON THE FLOOR!
Perhaps a marital whipping is in order ..
^^^^^^^^^
-
I saw that you said she wasn’t like this before you got married. Did this kind of behavior start before pregnancy or during or after? Sorry if I missed it.
I’m just wondering because sometimes when horomones are out of whack or there are nutritional deficiencies a woman can be a whole different person.
When I am deficient or am having a hard time balancing horomones, internal rage and irrational thoughts are prevalent. I have to constantly work to control it with my will. When I am well balanced I do not have this problem at all. Post partum is the absolute worst time for it. I might suggest asking her what she is taking for supplements and look into what kind of nutrition she is getting.
I would start off with these gentle measures. It might fix it all. I’d be happy to recommend some supplements. I agree with some marital counseling from a trusted priest after that. If she really is just this obstinate, I am very sorry. If she is going to leave you over thawing food on the floor, she will do it with everything else. I’d start docuмenting everything. Write down the weird things. I agree with FarmerWife, you should put your foot down. She will either respect your authority or ship out, but if it ends in a battle for the baby, you will have plenty of docuмentation to say she isn’t of sound mind. Im sorry to be forward, but it’s best to be prepared.
This ^^^
-
I am sorry. Statements like this bother me. We do not know what she thinks.
She seems to have a mental illness which has been exacerbated by having a baby. They really need to find some local help that is specific to their needs.
If she is trying to bolt with her threats, then being forceful might make her actually run. I am sorry the OP is in this situation.
We need to pray that God sends them the best help for their particular situation, so that the family stays intact.
OP you got this, you know your wife best, please act accordingly.
If what the OP says is true, and she's a feminist mess, it's best the kid stay with him only if she leaves. That would be better for the child in the long run.
-
If what the OP says is true, and she's a feminist mess, it's best the kid stay with him only if she leaves. That would be better for the child in the long run.
But she might take the baby and run and the laws are in her favor.
-
But she might take the baby and run and the laws are in her favor.
True. That's possible. And nothing you can be sure of in this life.
However, court evidence would be strong in his favor is she leaves MEAT on the floor. BIG health thing, right there. Health stuff works in court for any sex. Especially if a kid is involved.
-
I saw that you said she wasn’t like this before you got married. Did this kind of behavior start before pregnancy or during or after? Sorry if I missed it.
I’m just wondering because sometimes when horomones are out of whack or there are nutritional deficiencies a woman can be a whole different person.
When I am deficient or am having a hard time balancing horomones, internal rage and irrational thoughts are prevalent. I have to constantly work to control it with my will. When I am well balanced I do not have this problem at all. Post partum is the absolute worst time for it. I might suggest asking her what she is taking for supplements and look into what kind of nutrition she is getting.
I would start off with these gentle measures. It might fix it all. I’d be happy to recommend some supplements. I agree with some marital counseling from a trusted priest after that. If she really is just this obstinate, I am very sorry. If she is going to leave you over thawing food on the floor, she will do it with everything else. I’d start docuмenting everything. Write down the weird things. I agree with FarmerWife, you should put your foot down. She will either respect your authority or ship out, but if it ends in a battle for the baby, you will have plenty of docuмentation to say she isn’t of sound mind. Im sorry to be forward, but it’s best to be prepared.
To be clear, when I say put your foot down, I mean if you don’t see it fit to bend to her irrational demands (like washing your feet before you get into bed), don’t. It will only encourage her to make more demands. She is not the boss of you! In order for her to respect you, she needs to know you will not be walked all over.
I am definately NOT advocating for anything physical. At all.
-
I am sorry. Statements like this bother me. We do not know what she thinks.
She seems to have a mental illness which has been exacerbated by having a baby. They really need to find some local help that is specific to their needs.
If she is trying to bolt with her threats, then being forceful might make her actually run. I am sorry the OP is in this situation.
We need to pray that God sends them the best help for their particular situation, so that the family stays intact.
OP you got this, you know your wife best, please act accordingly.
I’m a woman and I know how we can be. Sometimes we just need a reality check on how our actions are negatively impacting those around us. Her saying she wants to separate is already going too far and that’s what she thinks.
-
I’m a woman and I know how we can be. Sometimes we just need a reality check on how our actions are negatively impacting those around us. Her saying she wants to separate is already going too far and that’s what she thinks.
Me
-
By the way this is the most strange topic I’ve seen for awhile. My first thought is it’s just that Croix boy starting another one of his threads to make women look bad. I see he’s back under multiple usernames again.
-
It never fails, that if someone on CI is seeking marital advice, there's a cadre of single guys telling him he just needs to man up and put his foot down.
Your wife doesn't respect your authority? Well, man, you just need to authoritize harder.
What a bunch of retards lol.
First off, we don't have enough information to give you genuinely helpful advice. This is a HUGE adjustment period: you're newlyweds. You have a newborn. Your wife is an immigrant. And apparently she has a secular background to boot. And you've been married less than a year, so we don't even know how much of these problems are hormonal (post-partum personality changes can be extremely difficult, although they are temporary if managed correctly).
Second, if the fundamental problem is that your wife is strongly animated by feminism then I guarantee you the "authoritize harder" approach will only affirm all of her feminist dispositions. It will make her less happy and more distrustful of you. The level of anger, anxiety, and resentment in your home will increase, not decrease. And it will increase proportionate to the intensity with which you authoritize harder.
Third, it is the business of a husband and father to lead his family so that they can flourish. Authority is a means to that end, not an end in itself. What you want, or what you should want, is for you and your wife to have a strong, holy, and happy relationship. So that your home is filled with love and your children have a good marital example modelled before them. That is a longterm project, and it's also a moving target to some degree. Navigating it correctly and effectively has almost nothing to do with your God given authority, but much more to do with your ability to manage a relationship, to inspire others trust, to reward proper behavior, and so forth.
-
It never fails, that if someone on CI is seeking marital advice, there's a cadre of single guys telling him he just needs to man up and put his foot down.
Your wife doesn't respect your authority? Well, man, you just need to authoritize harder.
What a bunch of retards lol.
First off, we don't have enough information to give you genuinely helpful advice. This is a HUGE adjustment period: you're newlyweds. You have a newborn. Your wife is an immigrant. And apparently she has a secular background to boot. And you've been married less than a year, so we don't even know how much of these problems are hormonal (post-partum personality changes can be extremely difficult, although they are temporary if managed correctly).
Second, if the fundamental problem is that your wife is strongly animated by feminism then I guarantee you the "authoritize harder" approach will only affirm all of her feminist dispositions. It will make her less happy and more distrustful of you. The level of anger, anxiety, and resentment in your home will increase, not decrease. And it will increase proportionate to the intensity with which you authoritize harder.
Third, it is the business of a husband and father to lead his family so that they can flourish. Authority is a means to that end, not an end in itself. What you want, or what you should want, is for you and your wife to have a strong, holy, and happy relationship. So that your home is filled with love and your children have a good marital example modelled before them. That is a longterm project, and it's also a moving target to some degree. Navigating it correctly and effectively has almost nothing to do with your God given authority, but much more to do with your ability to manage a relationship, to inspire others trust, to reward proper behavior, and so forth.
Thought I checked the box, this was me.
-
All im seeing is her being okay with defrosting meat on the floor. It's just too odd/gross to me.
-
All im seeing is her being okay with defrosting meat on the floor. It's just too odd/gross to me.
Are you married?
It's frequently the case that a specific problem is never really a specific problem, but rather an instance of a more general problem (of personality, habit, or whatever). It's the personality/habit problems that couples fight about. Even if it's a specific problem that causes the occasion for the fight.
-
.
You need to get marriage counseling from your priest as soon as possible. This behavior is mortally sinful, and he needs to tell her that.
Unfortunately, your belief that she rejects Vatican 2 is probably another deception on her part. Her behavior is that of a modernist, not of someone who believes in the Catholic Faith.
This is a very common syndrome, that people are raised in the new church and adopts its religion, and somewhere down the line they think they became traditional Catholic because they begin attending a trad chapel. They usually do reject the Novus Ordo, and accept the traditional Mass, but they retain the faith and morals of modernism, not Catholicism.
This manifests itself differently with men and women. With men, they usually just don't go to church, despite claiming to be traditional Catholic, and don't practice much religion at all. With women, it typically manifests itself in their rejection of Catholic teachings on marriage. They believe they can walk out on their marriage (as in the case of your wife), they don't believe they have to obey their husband, they don't believe in the marriage debt, and sometimes they even accept contraception.
In both cases, the problem is the lack of acceptance of belief in Church teaching. So, when a priest warns them that their behavior is contrary to faith and morals, they believe they can simply reject his words like they would disagree with someone who calling into a sports talk radio program who says something about their team's quarterback that they think is inaccurate. They do not believe they must accept the Church's teachings on faith and morals, and thus they are not Catholics.
Proof of this usually is that these people believe they can still receive the sacraments despite rejecting the priest's warnings, which shows a lack of belief in Church teaching and making themselves their own rule of faith, which is the very definition of modernism.
Your wife is probably one of those types, but the sooner you get your priest involved, the sooner the situation can be troubleshooted and the damage can be minimized.
I brought up talking to a priest together and she refused saying that he wouldn't know anything about marriage... She said if we were to get counseling it would have to be a woman...
-
I brought up talking to a priest together and she refused saying that he wouldn't know anything about marriage... She said if we were to get counseling it would have to be a woman...
.
So, my hunch was correct, that she is not a traditional Catholic at all. Someone who says a priest knows nothing about marriage is basically saying the Catholic Church knows nothing about marriage. She does not have the Catholic Faith.
Unfortunately, at this point you really don't have any good options.
-
Or the wife is very insecure.
I know that when I first married (secular Christian, with the idea that marriage was forever) I took the silly route of saying that I would leave when things got to difficult. I did not mean it. I was probably doing it to see if he would let me. 4 years later we became Catholic and then quickly became NO traditional. That was another adjustment. Then we moved away from all our family for his job, 6 weeks after a c-section with child number 2, another adjustment. When child number 3 came, we jumped the NO ship, another adjustment. We have been married for 27 years now.
If they cling to God, God will provide.
-
Or the wife is very insecure.
I know that when I first married (secular Christian, with the idea that marriage was forever) I took the silly route of saying that I would leave when things got to difficult. I did not mean it. I was probably doing it to see if he would let me. 4 years later we became Catholic and then quickly became NO traditional. That was another adjustment. Then we moved away from all our family for his job, 6 weeks after a c-section with child number 2, another adjustment. When child number 3 came, we jumped the NO ship, another adjustment. We have been married for 27 years now.
If they cling to God, God will provide.
Oops. This is me.
-
I brought up talking to a priest together and she refused saying that he wouldn't know anything about marriage... She said if we were to get counseling it would have to be a woman...
So she appears not to trust men.
Maybe you need to find a woman, you think has a good Catholic marriage, that she trusts, to talk to her. It will take time.
-
She sounds controlling and micromanaging. I used to be a germaphobe but it was causing stress and unnecessary arguments that I decided to relax a bit on some things. Maybe your wife grew up having to be super clean? And after we had our first child, I really had to let some things go. Toddlers are messy. And so is having many kids.
But I will definitely bring disinfectant wipes whenever we stay at a hotel.
She is.
-
She is.
How did you not know this before marriage?
-
How did you not know this before marriage?
It sounds like there was a lot he did know (or at least sensed) and he chose to ignore it. Maybe he was in a rush to get married.
-
Oh big deal, so she thaws the meat on the floor. In a nice way, simply let her know she's crazy for doing that and give it some time. It's not so big of a deal to divorce over. I had a newly married friend years ago who's wife literally threw kitchen knives at him when he upset her, and did so more than once, no joke. Last I heard they're still married - and they're protestants. So just have patience with her, at some point she'll come around.
-
I’m a woman and I know how we can be. Sometimes we just need a reality check on how our actions are negatively impacting those around us. Her saying she wants to separate is already going too far and that’s what she thinks.
She told me once that she said this because it's the only way I would listen to her by using this separation threat.
-
she has some serious contamination type OCD issue.
Yes. She needs help.
-
So OP, you have painted your wife in a very bad light. Is there anything that she does that is Catholic and you can work with?
-
She told me once that she said this because it's the only way I would listen to her by using this separation threat.
Do you listen to her? I doubt it’s about the meat.
-
It never fails, that if someone on CI is seeking marital advice, there's a cadre of single guys telling him he just needs to man up and put his foot down.
Your wife doesn't respect your authority? Well, man, you just need to authoritize harder.
What a bunch of retards lol.
First off, we don't have enough information to give you genuinely helpful advice. This is a HUGE adjustment period: you're newlyweds. You have a newborn. Your wife is an immigrant. And apparently she has a secular background to boot. And you've been married less than a year, so we don't even know how much of these problems are hormonal (post-partum personality changes can be extremely difficult, although they are temporary if managed correctly).
Second, if the fundamental problem is that your wife is strongly animated by feminism then I guarantee you the "authoritize harder" approach will only affirm all of her feminist dispositions. It will make her less happy and more distrustful of you. The level of anger, anxiety, and resentment in your home will increase, not decrease. And it will increase proportionate to the intensity with which you authoritize harder.
Third, it is the business of a husband and father to lead his family so that they can flourish. Authority is a means to that end, not an end in itself. What you want, or what you should want, is for you and your wife to have a strong, holy, and happy relationship. So that your home is filled with love and your children have a good marital example modelled before them. That is a longterm project, and it's also a moving target to some degree. Navigating it correctly and effectively has almost nothing to do with your God given authority, but much more to do with your ability to manage a relationship, to inspire others trust, to reward proper behavior, and so forth.
I don't agree with the disparaging remarks, but correct, we don't live in era where you can force women to obey you. Women today have all these "equal" rights.
She does not have a secular background. She is not a feminist.
"Navigating it correctly and effectively has almost nothing to do with your God given authority, but much more to do with your ability to manage a relationship, to inspire others trust, to reward proper behavior, and so forth."
It has everything to do with God's given authority to men. Without God's authority, men cannot lead.
What comes to mind is Thy will be done. It came from God and God wills this. It is only temporary. You are right we are still newly weds. This is all new. The pregnancy. The child. It's all a gift from God. We don't please God by choosing what we would like to tolerate. We please God by tolerating what he has chosen for us.
-
Oh big deal, so she thaws the meat on the floor. In a nice way, simply let her know she's crazy for doing that and give it some time. It's not so big of a deal to divorce over. I had a newly married friend years ago who's wife literally threw kitchen knives at him when he upset her, and did so more than once, no joke. Last I heard they're still married - and they're protestants. So just have patience with her, at some point she'll come around.
It isn't a big deal to me actually. I just used that as a starting point for the discussion. If I told her she was crazy (even in a nice way) it wouldn't be pretty.
Yes, patience.
-
So OP, you have painted your wife in a very bad light. Is there anything that she does that is Catholic and you can work with?
I know and I didn't really want to talk about it here even if it is anonymous. However, just from talking about these bad points I realize that it isn't so bad after all from listening to everyone else. It just good to talk about it. It's hard to keep that stuff bottled up for sanity reasons.
-
I don't agree with the disparaging remarks, but correct, we don't live in era where you can force women to obey you. Women today have all these "equal" rights.
She does not have a secular background. She is not a feminist.
"Navigating it correctly and effectively has almost nothing to do with your God given authority, but much more to do with your ability to manage a relationship, to inspire others trust, to reward proper behavior, and so forth."
It has everything to do with God's given authority to men. Without God's authority, men cannot lead.
What comes to mind is Thy will be done. It came from God and God wills this. It is only temporary. You are right we are still newly weds. This is all new. The pregnancy. The child. It's all a gift from God. We don't please God by choosing what we would like to tolerate. We please God by tolerating what he has chosen for us.
.
Every husband in human history has had authority over his wife, given him by God, but not every husband has been in a happy marriage. So clearly and plainly the having of authority, although necessary, is not at all sufficient for a happy marriage. If it was then there would be no unhappy marriages and you would not be in the situation you are in now.
-
I know and I didn't really want to talk about it here even if it is anonymous. However, just from talking about these bad points I realize that it isn't so bad after all from listening to everyone else. It just good to talk about it. It's hard to keep that stuff bottled up for sanity reasons.
Yes. We need a place to talk about these things for sanity purposes. It is hard to be little islands all over the place.
-
sink is currently empty. She believes the sink will become contaminated with dirt if she puts anything in there from outside. For example, fruits and vegetables just bought from store she washes in the restroom sink.
So she would rather have bathroom germs cross-contaminate the fruits and vegetables? :facepalm: Not logical.
-
.
Every husband in human history has had authority over his wife, given him by God, but not every husband has been in a happy marriage. So clearly and plainly the having of authority, although necessary, is not at all sufficient for a happy marriage. If it was then there would be no unhappy marriages and you would not be in the situation you are in now.
I figured you meant that, but the way it was written seemed to be inspired by self determination and not by God.
-
Threatening with separation over defrosting meat on the floor thing seems like a symptom of a much bigger problem. I would not focus on whether or not the meat thing is rational or some cultural difference, or a newlywed issue, feminism etc. Instead I would look into the root cause. Maybe she has some regrets about being married, perhaps post partum depression that is affecting her mental health. I'm not a marriage expert, just a man that has been learning to be a better husband to my wife.
-
You need to put your foot down with her. She thinks she can be manipulative and there won’t be consequences.
Yes, but what can be used as a consequence? She is an adult.
-
Threatening with separation over defrosting meat on the floor thing seems like a symptom of a much bigger problem. I would not focus on whether or not the meat thing is rational or some cultural difference, or a newlywed issue, feminism etc. Instead I would look into the root cause. Maybe she has some regrets about being married, perhaps post partum depression that is affecting her mental health. I'm not a marriage expert, just a man that has been learning to be a better husband to my wife.
it has to do with ocd.
-
Well, when my dishwasher is finished. I take out the clean dishes and set my frozen meat in its package and on a tray. The heat in the dishwasher thaws meat out. I use my crockpot.
-
It sounds like there was a lot he did know (or at least sensed) and he chose to ignore it. Maybe he was in a rush to get married.
No. I saw some red flags, but not enough to justify me not getting married to her. Besides, what's done is done. You can't change that. You find out many things when you begin to live together. It could be worse. i could of married a woman who rejects Catholicism.
-
sink is currently empty. She believes the sink will become contaminated with dirt if she puts anything in there from outside. For example, fruits and vegetables just bought from store she washes in the restroom sink.
That's what a sink is for... so you can immediately wash it down the drain to the sewer!!!!!
If she's so concerned about contamination, after rinsing the sink have bleach and water in a spray bottle handy and disinfect the sink!
Is she out of her mind taking food into the bathroom? You're not even supposed to leave a toothbrush out in the open in the bathroom as bacteria from the toilet can float around in the air. Is she not concerned about contaminating the bathroom sink where you brush your teeth and put the toothpaste tube on the counter?
As for putting food, packaged or not, on the floor is just plain insane.
If this is her kind of behavior I wouldn't advise her to threaten a separation as she just might find herself being investigated by children's services and end up with a custody fight on her hands.
-
^^^ is mine. Forgot to check the box.
I'm afraid to ask where she bathes the baby.
-
it has to do with ocd.
If this is really OCD, you should take it seriously.
I have been told that I have it, and I admit that I lean a bit to the crazy side. During my teenage years and my early adulthood I've had some difficulties. I have never taken medication, so, if I do have it, I am not one of the the worst cases out there, but I know that this kind of thing can make life very difficult.
If she is a mother, it can seriously affect the children if it is a serious case.
Research it and look for professional help if you think that it is necessary. Don't wait until you both go crazy because of it.
-
If this is really OCD, you should take it seriously.
I have been told that I have it, and I admit that I lean a bit to the crazy side. During my teenage years and my early adulthood I've had some difficulties. I have never taken medication, so, if I do have it, I am not one of the the worst cases out there, but I know that this kind of thing can make life very difficult.
If she is a mother, it can seriously affect the children if it is a serious case.
Research it and look for professional help if you think that it is necessary. Don't wait until you both go crazy because of it.
I'm not sure what else it would be. I have mild ocd with things like washing hands. If we have guest or her relatives over, the rules are not strictly enforced on them. I know it's something psychological because it just too extreme. You might as well become the bubble boy with this logic about outside and inside.
-
I can see by a brief scroll through that this thread is :jester:!
FYI, in the future I will thaw hotdogs under my armpits, the buns in a bag under my chin, and warm the sauerkraut or onions in my bosom.
I’ll squeeze the lemons with my bare feet, strain the seeds, rinds, and large pulp through the patio door. I’ll add water from the outdoor watering can, sugar, ice, and a teaspoon of baking soda into the washtub and mix it with my feet.
If your last name begins with A-G, bring a vegetable, pasta, salad, or egg side dish.
If your last name begins with H-N, bring munchies like nuts, dried fruit, chips, crackers, etc.
If your last name begins with O-Z, bring a dessert.
All foods are to be prepared in an unusual manner.
Those desiring alcoholic beverages or anything other than lemonade or water, BYOB.
Set up is at 5:45, Rosary at 6:00, dinner at 6:30.
All manner of trads are welcome, just no fighting.
B there or B ◼️!
-
I brought up talking to a priest together and she refused saying that he wouldn't know anything about marriage... She said if we were to get counseling it would have to be a woman...
OP, this is definitely unfortunate, but I think the main issue is her OCD. Therefore, I think she first needs to get professional counseling for that alone. Perhaps with someone who specializes in it. I think that if she got help with this, any marital issues would improve. One step at a time.
Btw, I think you have been quite the sport in this thread. God Bless you.
-
Less than a year.
Croix already having marital issues? :laugh1:
I didn't know you permitted meat in your home.
-
.
So, my hunch was correct, that she is not a traditional Catholic at all. Someone who says a priest knows nothing about marriage is basically saying the Catholic Church knows nothing about marriage. She does not have the Catholic Faith.
Unfortunately, at this point you really don't have any good options.
Meh, someone can say that in a relative sense, not an absolute sense. It's true that there are many ways in which a priest knows very little about the details of marriage. As with all things related to moral and pastoral theology (vs. dogmatic), there are the principles, and then almost more importantly the application of those principles to concrete situations.
While your "hunch" may have been correct in this case, it means nothing. There are just as many Traditional Catholics who might say (and have said) the same thing.
So, for instance, if I were a priest counseling a drug addict, I might know the moral theology principles regarding the immorality of drug use, and perhaps might know some theoretical stuff about dealing with additions, but on another level since I've never been hooked on drugs, one might rightly say that I know "nothing" about being addicted to drugs. I would not dispute that, nor would I consider someone who said that to be "non-Catholic".
Similarly, a priest would know "nothing" about what it's like to raise 6, 8, 10 children ... on one level. While the principles don't change, their application can, AND in some cases it can even become a question of not just raising 10 children but of raising THESE 10 children. In every family there can be wildly different dynamics depending on the mix of temperaments among the children, where some of them might have various different health conditions or mental challenges, etc. Even if I were raising 10 children, someone might rightly say that I know nothing about raising 10 children ... where 2 or 3 are autistic, and 1 even confined to a wheelchair where he must be spoon-fed, have his diapers changed, etc. (I've known one family in this situation and can't imainge how difficult it must be for them).
As I've seen so often here, far too many Trads don't understand that prudence is considered the queen of all the virtues for a very good reason, since it governs the practice of the other virtues. That's why some people feel some kind of absolute obligation to correct and rebuke every sinner they run into and get scrupulous if they don't ... not realizing that this obligation applies only under certain conditions and it can even be that in some circuмstances you'd be required NOT to rebuke the sinner (where it would do more harm toward their eventual conversion to rebuke them).
-
.
So, my hunch was correct, that she is not a traditional Catholic at all. Someone who says a priest knows nothing about marriage is basically saying the Catholic Church knows nothing about marriage. She does not have the Catholic Faith.
Unfortunately, at this point you really don't have any good options.
In a relative sense, is she wrong? Or is it now a sin to criticize a priest?
-
OP, this is definitely unfortunate, but I think the main issue is her OCD. Therefore, I think she first needs to get professional counseling for that alone. Perhaps with someone who specializes in it. I think that if she got help with this, any marital issues would improve. One step at a time.
Btw, I think you have been quite the sport in this thread. God Bless you.
Thanks. I agree. I want to get her help because it's anxiety issue. I think I need to approach her ocd problem with a little more sensitivity.
-
Thanks. I agree. I want to get her help because it's anxiety issue. I think I need to approach her ocd problem with a little more sensitivity.
So her anxiety is a catalyst for her leaving you?
To be honest, if I had a dime every time a woman today said she has "anxiety" I'd be a wealthy man.
I don't buy that, man. We all have vices and quirks, but this is whole thing is just her manipulating you. Period. I understand the child thing, and I understand, this may be your cross. What she is doing is wrong, OCD/anxiety or not.
-
So her anxiety is a catalyst for her leaving you?
To be honest, if I had a dime every time a woman today said she has "anxiety" I'd be a wealthy man.
I don't buy that, man. We all have vices and quirks, but this is whole thing is just her manipulating you. Period. I understand the child thing, and I understand, this may be your cross. What she is doing is wrong, OCD/anxiety or not.
Agreed. You need to approach this with less sensitivity not more.
Jokingly offer to buy her germ detecting spectacles on Amazon. Your relationship needs a good injection of humour
-
If OP is correct about his wife not having a secular background and being a generally faithful traditional Catholic, it's unlikely that her anxiety is a the fake kind of anxiety advertised on by social media influencers who have anxiety over the wrong flavored shot used in their starbucks drink.
-
So her anxiety is a catalyst for her leaving you?
To be honest, if I had a dime every time a woman today said she has "anxiety" I'd be a wealthy man.
I don't buy that, man. We all have vices and quirks, but this is whole thing is just her manipulating you. Period. I understand the child thing, and I understand, this may be your cross. What she is doing is wrong, OCD/anxiety or not.
.
The post-partum question rears its ugly head again here. I know women who have had debilitating, inexplicable anxiety in the post-partum period. Deeply physiologically rooted anxiety. Daily panic attack anxiety (doesn't even sound like OP's wife is that bad).
.
You could be right, but there's not the evidence to suggest you are. OP hasn't even been married a year and most of that year his wife has been pregnant and now she's post-partum. Way more evidence needed to support such a cynical perspective of his wife.
-
Tradwife memes don't tell you about the post-partum period, guys. YMMV, but you might be wondering where your wife went after she has a baby.
-
Throwing this out there. I don't think being harder on this woman will make things better.
OCD and Control in Relationships - How To Deal With Triggers? (https://mantracare.org/ocd/about-ocd/ocd-and-control-in-relationships/)
-
If OP is correct about his wife not having a secular background and being a generally faithful traditional Catholic, it's unlikely that her anxiety is a the fake kind of anxiety advertised on by social media influencers who have anxiety over the wrong flavored shot used in their starbucks drink.
Her anxiety, regardless of what it is, is not an excuse to threaten leaving him over certain trivial issues like this. This is not something a traditional Catholic Woman would even THINK of doing. She's not a traditional Catholic. I don't care what church she goes to, or what dresses she wears.
I would have to be a fly on the wall to know what's objectively going on...
And from the info he gave, sounds like she's the alpha type, and he's the of the "priest" husband personality type.
-
Her anxiety, regardless of what it is, is not an excuse to threaten leaving him over certain trivial issues like this. This is not something a traditional Catholic Woman would even THINK of doing. She's not a traditional Catholic. I don't care what church she goes to, or what dresses she wears.
I would have to be a fly on the wall to know what's objectively going on...
And from the info he gave, sounds like she's the alpha type, and he's the of the "priest" husband personality type.
.
The point isn't that she is excused from those threats because of the anxiety, the point is that she may be less rational than usual (and women are always less rational than men already) because of hormonal interference.
.
OP wants to solve that problem. Telling him that his wife is his enemy, or that he just needs to rule her with an iron fist, is not going to solve that problem.
.
Never once in the history of CI have any of the marriage counsellors on here been able to produce a single real-life example where these kinds of problems have been solved with that kind of approach. These aren't questions of doctrine or theology. Your wife isn't someone on the Internet you're in a debate with.
-
.
The post-partum question rears its ugly head again here. I know women who have had debilitating, inexplicable anxiety in the post-partum period. Deeply physiologically rooted anxiety. Daily panic attack anxiety (doesn't even sound like OP's wife is that bad).
.
You could be right, but there's not the evidence to suggest you are. OP hasn't even been married a year and most of that year his wife has been pregnant and now she's post-partum. Way more evidence needed to support such a cynical perspective of his wife.
The OP mentioned that there was some evidence of these OCD issues prior to marriage. It may be that the pregnancy/post-partum has exacerbated her already existing problem.
-
The OP mentioned that there was some evidence of these OCD issues prior to marriage. It may be that the pregnancy/post-partum has exacerbated her already existing problem.
Yes
-
.
The point isn't that she is excused from those threats because of the anxiety, the point is that she may be less rational than usual (and women are always less rational than men already) because of hormonal interference.
.
OP wants to solve that problem. Telling him that his wife is his enemy, or that he just needs to rule her with an iron fist, is not going to solve that problem.
.
Never once in the history of CI have any of the marriage counsellors on here been able to produce a single real-life example where these kinds of problems have been solved with that kind of approach. These aren't questions of doctrine or theology. Your wife isn't someone on the Internet you're in a debate with.
Bravo!
-
.
The point isn't that she is excused from those threats because of the anxiety, the point is that she may be less rational than usual (and women are always less rational than men already) because of hormonal interference.
.
OP wants to solve that problem. Telling him that his wife is his enemy, or that he just needs to rule her with an iron fist, is not going to solve that problem.
.
Never once in the history of CI have any of the marriage counsellors on here been able to produce a single real-life example where these kinds of problems have been solved with that kind of approach. These aren't questions of doctrine or theology. Your wife isn't someone on the Internet you're in a debate with.
Who here said he should call her his enemy or rule with an iron fist?? what? Stop projecting.
From what I'm seeing, the problem is not going to go away. She will keep doing what she is doing. If the husband doesn't want her to do something like what she is doing, and its reasonable (which this scenario, him asking her to stop it is) she needs to listen to him. You can't reason with this stupidity. It's either that or he gets walked on.
When my wife has anxiety about something or is upset, we definitely talk about it. If my wife started throwing apple cores around the room because it's "healthy", she is going to stop it because I said so. This kinda proves women are adult children. Men don't get away with this BS.
-
Who here said he should call her his enemy or rule with an iron fist?? what? Stop projecting.
From what I'm seeing, the problem is not going to go away. She will keep doing what she is doing. If the husband doesn't want her to do something like what she is doing, and its reasonable (which this scenario, him asking her to stop it is) she needs to listen to him. You can't reason with this stupidity. It's either that or he gets walked on.
When my wife has anxiety about something or is upset, we definitely talk about it. If my wife started throwing apple cores around the room because it's "healthy", she is going to stop it because I said so. This kinda proves women are adult children. Men don't get away with this BS.
What you're missing is this doesn't appear to be just low-level anxiety or doing "stupid things". It's OCD.
-
Who here said he should call her his enemy or rule with an iron fist?? what? Stop projecting.
Well, since so many posts are anonymous in here, I don't actually know who said what most of the time. But the constant rhetoric of "she's manipulating you", "she's not a traditional Catholic", and so forth encourages a hostile and combative approach to the problem-- which is the approach one uses with enemies. If people have overstated their case then that is their problem, not mine for taking their word.
.
From what I'm seeing, the problem is not going to go away. She will keep doing what she is doing. If the husband doesn't want her to do something like what she is doing, and its reasonable (which this scenario, him asking her to stop it is) she needs to listen to him. You can't reason with this stupidity. It's either that or he gets walked on.
.
I agree the problem is not going to go away. But it also isn't going to be solved in a moment of authoritizing harder. This woman already doesn't respect her husband's authority. And I don't think that's all that uncommon, even for traditional women, when they first set out in marriage.
When my wife has anxiety about something or is upset, we definitely talk about it. If my wife started throwing apple cores around the room because it's "healthy", she is going to stop it because I said so. This kinda proves women are adult children. Men don't get away with this BS.
.
Yes, men and women are different. We do not hold women to the standards of men. They are more like children than men are. Like children, they respond best to love. This is why St. Paul's injunction to husbands is to love their wives, something that doesn't come all that naturally-- just as wives respecting their husbands doesn't come all that naturally. You sound like you're just seizing on OP's woes to issue general complaints. Fine, but your general complaints by no means make for good advice for his situation.
-
What you're missing is this doesn't appear to be just low-level anxiety or doing "stupid things". It's OCD.
Doesn't excuse what she's doing in the scenario OP gave.
Don't get me wrong, finding help for it is a very good idea. I personally think OCD is heavy personality trait, not a "disorder". If anything it's more of a spiritual thing.
You telling me leaving her husband will not worsen her anxiety/OCD? I think it would.
-
This woman already doesn't respect her husband's authority.
Welp. That nails the coffin. :laugh1:
I wonder why she does not respect him. Or didn't to begin with. Or... decided to marry at all.
-
A husband can be unwavering and authoritarian, and also loving, at the same time. Same as God the Father.
Many of you have been brainwashed by the media to view authority as either a merciless dictator or a cuddly puppy dog. There is an in between.
-
Well, since so many posts are anonymous in here, I don't actually know who said what most of the time. But the constant rhetoric of "she's manipulating you", "she's not a traditional Catholic", and so forth encourages a hostile and combative approach to the problem-- which is the approach one uses with enemies.
.
:confused: She is manipulative and she is being hostile. Recognizing this doesn't mean the husband has to be combative. But it does give him the knowledge on how to change his approach.
-
Welp. That nails the coffin. :laugh1:
I wonder why she does not respect him. Or didn't to begin with. Or... decided to marry at all.
It is difficult for women to respect men. It is all the more difficult when, in our current world, there are zero cultural models for women in this regard. The best one can hope for is to be raised in a home where the wife respects the husband, but even that can be undermined by a combination of pride and even minimal exposure to the culture.
.
This has been a problem since the beginning of time, and it will not stop being a problem. The question is how a given man works to solve the problem.
-
I wonder why she does not respect him. Or didn't to begin with. Or... decided to marry at all.
Feminism at work.
-
A husband can be unwavering and authoritarian, and also loving, at the same time. Same as God the Father.
Many of you have been brainwashed by the media to view authority as either a merciless dictator or a cuddly puppy dog. There is an in between.
Yes, and no doubt we love those we admonish/discipline.
People today, Catholic or not are just spoiled, wimpy, uncharitable brats.
-
Doesn't excuse what she's doing in the scenario OP gave.
Don't get me wrong, finding help for it is a very good idea. I personally think OCD is heavy personality trait, not a "disorder". If anything it's more of a spiritual thing.
You telling me leaving her husband will not worsen her anxiety/OCD? I think it would.
If you read the link above about OCD in relationships, you'd see that those with OCD use threats and guilt trips to control. She isn't leaving him.
-
I am surprised at some of the comments here insinuating how he should have chose better or alluding to her changing from when they were engaged to when they were married.
4 weeks post partum is perhaps the absolute worst time to be thinking about how a wife has changed or shown her true colors. I’m so glad my husband didn’t think that way with me. He doubled down and loved me even though it was hard. His steadiness and firm but gentle principles made me respect him more (each time after I got through post partum 6 times 😆). I can say for certain I respect him more every year we are married because of his wisdom and patience with me when I am unhinged and irrational 4 weeks postpartum.
There will be times your wife doesn’t respect you, even if she’s trad. You still have to love her and be patient. There’s times that husbands will not love their wives well. We still have to respect our husbands. We honor our promises to God and depend on the sacrament to get us through. This is how we get to heaven with our spouses. We sure don’t go into marriage perfect! We help each other.
It’s hard to say, we have such limited information. But as OP responds I tend to think getting through post partum then getting some help with OCD will go a really long way.
I think you are doing well, OP!
-
I am surprised at some of the comments here insinuating how he should have chose better or alluding to her changing from when they were engaged to when they were married.
4 weeks post partum is perhaps the absolute worst time to be thinking about how a wife has changed or shown her true colors. I’m so glad my husband didn’t think that way with me. He doubled down and loved me even though it was hard. His steadiness and firm but gentle principles made me respect him more (each time after I got through post partum 6 times 😆). I can say for certain I respect him more every year we are married because of his wisdom and patience with me when I am unhinged and irrational 4 weeks postpartum.
There will be times your wife doesn’t respect you, even if she’s trad. You still have to love her and be patient. There’s times that husbands will not love their wives well. We still have to respect our husbands. We honor our promises to God and depend on the sacrament to get us through. This is how we get to heaven with our spouses. We sure don’t go into marriage perfect! We help each other.
It’s hard to say, we have such limited information. But as OP responds I tend to think getting through post partum then getting some help with OCD will go a really long way.
I think you are doing well, OP!
So is the post partum troubles causing her to put meat on the floor to defrost and threaten to leave him? Or give the impression she is going to do that? I'm confused. My wife was down in the dumps for a little bit too after our first, however, she was not irrational or mean. She def got short sometimes, but that's about it....
-
So is the post partum troubles causing her to put meat on the floor to defrost and threaten to leave him? Or give the impression she is going to do that? I'm confused. My wife was down in the dumps for a little bit too after our first, however, she was not irrational or mean. She def got short sometimes, but that's about it....
I understand where you are coming from. I have some different perspective being a woman. I think the meat on the floor is a culture thing that seems really gross to us. I do think crazy horomones compounded by little sleep could actually make you think you’d be better off alone. I’m sure not saying it is ok for her to say that, but I understand her weakness there. OCD is a serious problem here because I understand that’s pretty common with severe OCD people, to make threats like that. It’s really unhealthy, I hope he can help her change that.
Each couple has their own unique issues that require some work.
I was how you described your wife with my first 4 pregnancy/postpartums. The last one I was a complete disaster- much worse than typical post partum mood swings. It’s hard to explain, but the thoughts in my head really did feel like reality, and they were completely irrational thoughts. Thoughts against my husband that were unfounded and unfair led me to feel I made a huge mistake in marrying him. It was terrible. I got on some horomone balancing supplements and it was like the fog cleared. I apologized profusely many times and was so grateful he was so patient with me during that time. He admitted to me afterwards how hard it was for him. Bless him. Next time I will be more prepared by taking better supplements during pregnancy and post partum.
I’m not sure how else to explain it other than to talk about my personal experience with it.
-
Mythrandylan and jen51, very good posts.
OP you do sound level headed and not a pushover. I know this time period is hard. I know some of us are praying for you and your struggles. Keep at it. Guiding her to seek help, instead of forcing it, might be an option. Some people do better when they think the idea is their own. :pray::pray::pray:
-
Just make sure when she puts the meat on the floor that there is no wrapping on the meat, it has to go on the floor meat only for 4 hours to defrost. You'll be fine. She'll be fine, the baby will be fine, be glad and rejoice that you don't have to cook it.
-
I understand where you are coming from. I have some different perspective being a woman. I think the meat on the floor is a culture thing that seems really gross to us. I do think crazy horomones compounded by little sleep could actually make you think you’d be better off alone. I’m sure not saying it is ok for her to say that, but I understand her weakness there. OCD is a serious problem here because I understand that’s pretty common with severe OCD people, to make threats like that. It’s really unhealthy, I hope he can help her change that.
Each couple has their own unique issues that require some work.
I was how you described your wife with my first 4 pregnancy/postpartums. The last one I was a complete disaster- much worse than typical post partum mood swings. It’s hard to explain, but the thoughts in my head really did feel like reality, and they were completely irrational thoughts. Thoughts against my husband that were unfounded and unfair led me to feel I made a huge mistake in marrying him. It was terrible. I got on some horomone balancing supplements and it was like the fog cleared. I apologized profusely many times and was so grateful he was so patient with me during that time. He admitted to me afterwards how hard it was for him. Bless him. Next time I will be more prepared by taking better supplements during pregnancy and post partum.
I’m not sure how else to explain it other than to talk about my personal experience with it.
No, to all of this. Post-partum depression or any kind of stress just makes your normal thoughts heightened.
The wife's OCD may have gotten worse, but she always had OCD.
The wife's disrespect got worse, but she was always disrespectful.
The wife's threatening to leave and manipulation got worse, but was always there.
Stress doesn't change a person's character; it just makes one act to the extreme.
Stress also doesn't affect free will nor does it stop God's graces. God will not allow anyone to be tempted beyond their strength and this includes stress amounts.
It is an error to blame sins or a sinful nature on stress.
-
What if she's just a narcissist?
-
No, to all of this. Post-partum depression or any kind of stress just makes your normal thoughts heightened.
The wife's OCD may have gotten worse, but she always had OCD.
The wife's disrespect got worse, but she was always disrespectful.
The wife's threatening to leave and manipulation got worse, but was always there.
Stress doesn't change a person's character; it just makes one act to the extreme.
Stress also doesn't affect free will nor does it stop God's graces. God will not allow anyone to be tempted beyond their strength and this includes stress amounts.
It is an error to blame sins or a sinful nature on stress.
Nowhere did I say it wasn’t sin. I thought I made that clear by saying it wasn’t ok what she did
Stress makes it easier to sin. Also, PPD cannot be simplified down to “stress”.
-
Nowhere did I say it wasn’t sin. I thought I made that clear by saying it wasn’t ok what she did
Stress makes it easier to sin. Also, PPD cannot be simplified down to “stress”.
It can be hard to let it go, but these CI anon threads often turn into cesspits of projection. My 2 cents is to just ignore the crap and work it out between your wife, yourself and God. You're actually in the situation and have to live with each other, no one else here does.
-
So her anxiety is a catalyst for her leaving you?
To be honest, if I had a dime every time a woman today said she has "anxiety" I'd be a wealthy man.
I don't buy that, man. We all have vices and quirks, but this is whole thing is just her manipulating you. Period. I understand the child thing, and I understand, this may be your cross. What she is doing is wrong, OCD/anxiety or not.
I agree. I know it's wrong. I would know, heh. I don't think she would leave. It's a cruel bluff.
-
Throwing this out there. I don't think being harder on this woman will make things better.
OCD and Control in Relationships - How To Deal With Triggers? (https://mantracare.org/ocd/about-ocd/ocd-and-control-in-relationships/)
Yeah. Being hard on someone that has a psychological issue?? That's not a good idea. It would be like going up to someone with a weight issue and being angry at them for not controlling their weight better.
-
It is difficult for women to respect men. It is all the more difficult when, in our current world, there are zero cultural models for women in this regard. The best one can hope for is to be raised in a home where the wife respects the husband, but even that can be undermined by a combination of pride and even minimal exposure to the culture.
.
This has been a problem since the beginning of time, and it will not stop being a problem. The question is how a given man works to solve the problem.
"It is difficult for women to respect men."
Wait what? Why?
-
I have just logged in after being AFK from Rome to just say this is the biggest ragebait I have read :trollface::laugh2:
-
"It is difficult for women to respect men."
Wait what? Why?
Because they are more given to vanity and resentment.
-
Because they are more given to vanity and resentment.
.
Respect, period, does not come naturally to women. That's why St Paul's instructions to women are to respect their husbands; not because they aren't supposed to love them, but because that comes naturally and isn't something they need to be encouraged or corrected on.
Ditto his injection for men to love their wives; love comes less naturally to men. They need to be encouraged and corrected on it.
-
Yeah. Being hard on someone that has a psychological issue?? That's not a good idea. It would be like going up to someone with a weight issue and being angry at them for not controlling their weight better.
Fat shaming was the way people encouraged to stay slim up to about 20 years ago. What do you suggest we try now?
-
.
Respect, period, does not come naturally to women. That's why St Paul's instructions to women are to respect their husbands; not because they aren't supposed to love them, but because that comes naturally and isn't something they need to be encouraged or corrected on.
Ditto his injection for men to love their wives; love comes less naturally to men. They need to be encouraged and corrected on it.
Well said ^^^
OP... Prayer for you and your wife. We are 5 weeks postpartum with baby #4. When we had our first baby I was a bit too cautious about germs. I thought the baby would get sick a lot if I wasn't super diligent about keeping everything super clean. It was super stressful and we didn't see a lot of people just because they had a simple cold.
Now that we have 4 boys... Well, let's just say that it is nearly impossible to keep things clean. They are always bringing dirt and rocks inside. And some days...I don't realize that their hands are covered in dirt until after they eat lunch. 😅🤣
-
Well said ^^^
OP... Prayer for you and your wife. We are 5 weeks postpartum with baby #4. When we had our first baby I was a bit too cautious about germs. I thought the baby would get sick a lot if I wasn't super diligent about keeping everything super clean. It was super stressful and we didn't see a lot of people just because they had a simple cold.
Now that we have 4 boys... Well, let's just say that it is nearly impossible to keep things clean. They are always bringing dirt and rocks inside. And some days...I don't realize that their hands are covered in dirt until after they eat lunch. 😅🤣
I think I heard somewhere that living on a farm made for the most healthy people. Isn't it true that exposure to some germs helps build better immune systems?
-
What if she's just a narcissist?
She is. She acts like a child. I get up at night every few hours to take care of the baby. She gets her sleep. Then when she gets up earlier in the morning she eats and drinks in bed right next to me while I'm trying to sleep for another few hours. I ask her politely to eat in the other room and then she argues with me why she should be able to do that.
-
She is. She acts like a child. I get up at night every few hours to take care of the baby. She gets her sleep. Then when she gets up earlier in the morning she eats and drinks in bed right next to me while I'm trying to sleep for another few hours. I ask her politely to eat in the other room and then she argues with me why she should be able to do that.
I am sorry she is like this. She sounds horrible.
Does she have any good qualities?
-
Yes of course. She is not horrible. I'm ranting.
-
Yes of course. She is not horrible. I'm ranting.
Well say some nice things then. It is not very good to let us all think poorly of your wife.
-
Yes of course. She is not horrible. I'm ranting.
Is it helping?
Serious question, BTW, not just being a jerk.
-
She is. She acts like a child. I get up at night every few hours to take care of the baby. She gets her sleep. Then when she gets up earlier in the morning she eats and drinks in bed right next to me while I'm trying to sleep for another few hours. I ask her politely to eat in the other room and then she argues with me why she should be able to do that.
I’m sorry you’re married to an extremely selfish person.
-
Quite honestly I dont see it as too big of a deal.
First of all, she cooks for you and the kitchen is women's territory.
Secondly, it's good that she considers your family's health, even though I couldnt see why thawing on the floor is any cleaner but im sure she didn't mean bad. I would probably thaw them on the ground outdoor so the soil absorbs the water instead of contaminating my floor if I have concerns that way.
In a way I suspect she might have some post birth hormonal issues that caused anxiety. Was there any clue for how she do things before you got married? If she always thaw meat on the floor wouldnt you have seen it?
-
That sounds about right. My wife was born and raised in Poland, and while the question of defrosting meat never came up, there were tons of little differences that would emerge. She thought it was perfectly all right to leave pans of cooked food covered on the stove overnight, and/or to put the cooled-down pans directly in the refrigerator without emptying the contents into another container. That may have just been her family upbringing as opposed to Poles in general. One time her father had put my bottle of buttermilk out on the counter overnight because he didn't see it as something needing refrigeration, and they had a smallish European-style refrigerator with limited storage space.
While buttermilk needs to go in the fridge, the former two seemed completely normal to me though I think putting the cookware straight in is a bit lazy. No wonder why my american friend keep asking me if certain food is still good to eat after cooked and being out for a couple hours. Was the US a country before they invented refrigerator?:laugh1:
-
Quite honestly I dont see it as too big of a deal.
First of all, she cooks for you and the kitchen is women's territory.
Secondly, it's good that she considers your family's health, even though I couldnt see why thawing on the floor is any cleaner but im sure she didn't mean bad. I would probably thaw them on the ground outdoor so the soil absorbs the water instead of contaminating my floor if I have concerns that way.
In a way I suspect she might have some post birth hormonal issues that caused anxiety. Was there any clue for how she do things before you got married? If she always thaw meat on the floor wouldnt you have seen it?
I mentioned it's not a big deal to me, however, it can be a big deal. Would you eat at a restaurant that defrost their food on the floor? It's filthy and you could get sick. Dust and dirt gets kicked up on the floor. Not good. And no, she rarely cooks for me. She used to cook for me every day but that was short lived. Maybe a week or two until we had a fight and then after that she only cooks when she wants to. She thinks the entire house is her domain. Not just the kitchen. Well I live in the house too. I'm not under her domain. She is under me.
-
While buttermilk needs to go in the fridge, the former two seemed completely normal to me though I think putting the cookware straight in is a bit lazy. No wonder why my american friend keep asking me if certain food is still good to eat after cooked and being out for a couple hours. Was the US a country before they invented refrigerator?:laugh1:
It's mostly people in the South. Up North it's cold and people dont need to worry so much about keeping food out. My dad is from the north and they left food out overnight. In the South there are tons of bugs and it's hot. You leave food out overnight and the food will spoil and roaches.
-
I mentioned it's not a big deal to me, however, it can be a big deal. Would you eat at a restaurant that defrost their food on the floor? It's filthy and you could get sick. Dust and dirt gets kicked up on the floor. Not good. And no, she rarely cooks for me. She used to cook for me every day but that was short lived. Maybe a week or two until we had a fight and then after that she only cooks when she wants to. She thinks the entire house is her domain. Not just the kitchen. Well I live in the house too. I'm not under her domain. She is under me.
I read more down the thread and I have to agree that your issues go way deeper than the meat. I only said that only because lots of men here cant even find any woman, and lots of american women dont even cook, so I thought you could be a bit more appreciative. Now I take it back as I see bigger problem.
Does she or her parents know she has OCD? Take her to the doc if she thinks the priest doesnt understand. Check her hormones her blood and her OCD. Her biology degree means nothing to a real doctor especially a female doctor so that she can listen. Have her parents help too.
-
Heard of baby brain? Scripture says Husbands should be Patient.
Proverbs 15:1 – A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
1 Peter 3:7
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
-
I don't see how being extremely selfish or manic about cleanliness can be fixed by a doctor. Would she behave the same if her husband was someone powerful? It's hard to imagine the wife of Julius Caesar getting away with such behavior.
With God's help I'm sure it's fixable as you cannot have your children grow up and see their father treated with such disrespect.
-
I don't see how being extremely selfish or manic about cleanliness can be fixed by a doctor. Would she behave the same if her husband was someone powerful? It's hard to imagine the wife of Julius Caesar getting away with such behavior.
With God's help I'm sure it's fixable as you cannot have your children grow up and see their father treated with such disrespect.
Julius Caesar and his wife had slaves. They lived in a patriarchal society. We live in a feminist society.
Part of the problem is cultural differences, but still, there are civil ways to react those differences.
Yes, it's not good for the children and I suspect many families today have the same issue to one degree or another.
-
Wife defrosts meat on the floor in its packaging that is open.
Ask her not to do that anymore.
-
Is it helping?
Serious question, BTW, not just being a jerk.
Good question. At this point, I don't know that any of us here can really help the OP. At this point, when does complaining about your wife on the internet become a serious sin. Although we want to help him, at some level it has become an anonymous gossiping session where we only get one side of the story. This would be equally true if a wife were to do the same thing about her husband.
There does seem to be an OCD issue here on the part of the wife, but I'm beginning to think there is also a much larger marital issue here. Since the OP's wife is not open to meeting with a priest, the OP and his wife need to get professional help. Stat.
-
Good question. At this point, I don't know that any of us here can really help the OP. At this point, when does complaining about your wife on the internet become a serious sin. Although we want to help him, at some level it has become an anonymous gossiping session where we only get one side of the story. This would be equally true if a wife were to do the same thing about her husband.
There does seem to be an OCD issue here on the part of the wife, but I'm beginning to think there is also a much larger marital issue here. Since the OP's wife is not open to meeting with a priest, the OP and his wife need to get professional help. Stat.
I disagree. I think that there is much the OP can do. The first thing is withdraw all affection for a while. Also do not let her behave like a mother towards you. Not by words, but by by your very presence.
I typed "how to behave when your wife doesn't respect you" in you tube and there are lots of videos. I haven't looked at any but there must some useful advice there.
Russian men usually have their mother come in to "advise" the new wife. This is essential mother in law training as Russians know how childish Russian women can be. If you can't bring in your mother in law, then you will have to do this yourself.
The Taming of the Shrew by William Shakespeare has a wonderful final scene, which I hope will be your happy end https://ok.ru/video/8186296404686 (https://ok.ru/video/8186296404686)
Why not watch the film together? :)
Just don't give up. Millions of men have been there but if your wife has a deep down good nature, this can really be fixed.
-
Welp, I showed her a therapist we can see and now she says no. She says i just need to blah blah and everything will be fixed. She is in denial. She doesn't want to get help with our issues. I said fine, I'll go by myself and she is against that. She brings up excuses why I shouldn't go. She accuses me of being dirty like always and that I just need to respect her hard work cleaning and not make a mess. Well, guess who makes all the messes? It ain't me. I picked up the baby from the stroller at Church yesterday and later that evening she told me how I touched the baby with dirty hands. This is the insanity I have to deal with on a daily basis.
-
I disagree. I think that there is much the OP can do. The first thing is withdraw all affection for a while. Also do not let her behave like a mother towards you. Not by words, but by by your very presence.
I typed "how to behave when your wife doesn't respect you" in you tube and there are lots of videos. I haven't looked at any but there must some useful advice there.
Russian men usually have their mother come in to "advise" the new wife. This is essential mother in law training as Russians know how childish Russian women can be. If you can't bring in your mother in law, then you will have to do this yourself.
The Taming of the Shrew by William Shakespeare has a wonderful final scene, which I hope will be your happy end https://ok.ru/video/8186296404686 (https://ok.ru/video/8186296404686)
Why not watch the film together? :)
Just don't give up. Millions of men have been there but if your wife has a deep down good nature, this can really be fixed.
Thanks for the suggestions. Problem is my mom comes from a different culture than hers and also, I'm not remotely anywhere near my mom to visit.
We'll try and watch the movie. Im just streaming right now having to deal with such a dishonest deceitful person and I married one.
-
Good question. At this point, I don't know that any of us here can really help the OP. At this point, when does complaining about your wife on the internet become a serious sin. Although we want to help him, at some level it has become an anonymous gossiping session where we only get one side of the story. This would be equally true if a wife were to do the same thing about her husband.
There does seem to be an OCD issue here on the part of the wife, but I'm beginning to think there is also a much larger marital issue here. Since the OP's wife is not open to meeting with a priest, the OP and his wife need to get professional help. Stat.
I have thought about it too, whether it is a sin to be anonymously complaining about my wife. If I was to go to a priest or shrink I would be doing something similar although in private, and not anonymously. Is posting complaints anonymously a sin? I'm here to find solutions. Yes, it comes off complaining and I am guilty of releasing some steam here, but I'm in a situation that has become intolerable. I'm living with someone who is ill and who is forcing their illness on me with the threats of separation if I do not participate in their illness. What would you do? Try to keep the peace and just go along with it? Even if it was only temporary. Maybe for a few months? Maybe it will pass over and get better? Or just get up and leave saying goodbye to your wife and newborn son? Or try to take the son with you and end up in some custody battle? It's not a good situation because she only sees me as the problem and doesn't want to get external help. Which to me is a major sign that she is deeply afraid so much so that she has no care in the world about my health. It's very toxic.
-
Heard of baby brain? Scripture says Husbands should be Patient.
Proverbs 15:1 – A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
1 Peter 3:7
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
If it was the other way around, the husband stopped working and was a fat lazy slob, I'm sure the comments would rip him to shreds. Instead of diagnosing with him an issue like OCD or saying "oh maybe he's stressed". Baby brain doesn't cause a woman to be nasty. Like have some self-control.
-
Welp, I showed her a therapist we can see and now she says no. She says i just need to blah blah and everything will be fixed. She is in denial. She doesn't want to get help with our issues. I said fine, I'll go by myself and she is against that. She brings up excuses why I shouldn't go. She accuses me of being dirty like always and that I just need to respect her hard work cleaning and not make a mess. Well, guess who makes all the messes? It ain't me. I picked up the baby from the stroller at Church yesterday and later that evening she told me how I touched the baby with dirty hands. This is the insanity I have to deal with on a daily basis.
At least get yourself to a priest and/or a therapist. She can't stop you from doing that.
-
I have thought about it too, whether it is a sin to be anonymously complaining about my wife. If I was to go to a priest or shrink I would be doing something similar although in private, and not anonymously. Is posting complaints anonymously a sin? I'm here to find solutions. Yes, it comes off complaining and I am guilty of releasing some steam here, but I'm in a situation that has become intolerable. I'm living with someone who is ill and who is forcing their illness on me with the threats of separation if I do not participate in their illness. What would you do? Try to keep the peace and just go along with it? Even if it was only temporary. Maybe for a few months? Maybe it will pass over and get better? Or just get up and leave saying goodbye to your wife and newborn son? Or try to take the son with you and end up in some custody battle? It's not a good situation because she only sees me as the problem and doesn't want to get external help. Which to me is a major sign that she is deeply afraid so much so that she has no care in the world about my health. It's very toxic.
It's not sinful to want to save the family. Far from it. My mother nagged my father until he snapped and left (he isn't catholic) and to to this day my mother still doesn't understand how destructive she was. Had he stood up to her rather than than just put up and shut up, their marriage may not have ended the way it did. I wish someone had told my father to man up and that he put up even the slightest fight. He never did.
Women are like children or animals or blacks. They live in eternal present. It doesn't matter how docile you think your trad friends' wife is. At some stage she will have become irrational, annoying and potentially very destructive. It's women's nature, especially where no grace abounds. Sometimes one wonders what they say in the confessional if its always someone else's fault. I cannot imagine the divine graces needed for a convent to function correctly.
We never fail to notice in our chapels how in some families how worldly the girls are compared to to their brothers. One glance at the non veiled mother is enough to understand why this happened.
I do not believe in therapy, you cannot use words with somone that doesn't reason. My parents went to therapy and all my mother tells me is that they always took my father's side.
It's going to be unpleasant initially when it dawns on her that you are the master of the home, the breadwinner and her protector, but it's your cross and Christ will help you carry it. It's still very much something you can win.
-
It's going to be unpleasant initially when it dawns on her that you are the master of the home, the breadwinner and her protector, but it's your cross and Christ will help you carry it. It's still very much something you can win.
That was me
-
I have thought about it too, whether it is a sin to be anonymously complaining about my wife. If I was to go to a priest or shrink I would be doing something similar although in private, and not anonymously. Is posting complaints anonymously a sin? I'm here to find solutions. Yes, it comes off complaining and I am guilty of releasing some steam here, but I'm in a situation that has become intolerable. I'm living with someone who is ill and who is forcing their illness on me with the threats of separation if I do not participate in their illness. What would you do? Try to keep the peace and just go along with it? Even if it was only temporary. Maybe for a few months? Maybe it will pass over and get better? Or just get up and leave saying goodbye to your wife and newborn son? Or try to take the son with you and end up in some custody battle? It's not a good situation because she only sees me as the problem and doesn't want to get external help. Which to me is a major sign that she is deeply afraid so much so that she has no care in the world about my health. It's very toxic.
None of us here are qualified to give you "solutions" in these sorts of matters even though a number of posters seem to think that they are. Going to a priest or a shrink is different.
I have nothing but empathy for your situation, but that doesn't mean I can give you the proper help for your specific situation. I can only try to push you to get help for yourself since she refuses to go with you. Oh, and :pray:.
-
Just make sure she lays it on the floor gently and doesn't slap it down so hard than it flattens it any.
-
Women are like children or animals or blacks. They live in eternal present. It doesn't matter how docile you think your trad friends' wife is. At some stage she will have become irrational, annoying and potentially very destructive. It's women's nature, especially where no grace abounds. Sometimes one wonders what they say in the confessional if its always someone else's fault. I cannot imagine the divine graces needed for a convent to function correctly.
We never fail to notice in our chapels how in some families how worldly the girls are compared to to their brothers. One glance at the non veiled mother is enough to understand why this happened.
Really?
I’m sorry you were deprived of good role models, male and female.
Kindly refrain from projecting your warped thinking onto others.
It’s regrettable you’ve never met any holy black Catholics.
Your comment about what sins women confess is offensive.
I cannot help but wonder where you hear Mass. If women are
improperly attired, unveiled, that reflects more on the priest, unless
maybe it’s a “conservative” novus ordo or indult.
Speaking with disdain about one’s parents without necessity is unbecoming.
Are you even Catholic?
Charity is lacking.
-
It's not sinful to want to save the family. Far from it. My mother nagged my father until he snapped and left (he isn't catholic) and to to this day my mother still doesn't understand how destructive she was. Had he stood up to her rather than than just put up and shut up, their marriage may not have ended the way it did. I wish someone had told my father to man up and that he put up even the slightest fight. He never did.
Women are like children or animals or blacks. They live in eternal present. It doesn't matter how docile you think your trad friends' wife is. At some stage she will have become irrational, annoying and potentially very destructive. It's women's nature, especially where no grace abounds. Sometimes one wonders what they say in the confessional if its always someone else's fault. I cannot imagine the divine graces needed for a convent to function correctly.
We never fail to notice in our chapels how in some families how worldly the girls are compared to to their brothers. One glance at the non veiled mother is enough to understand why this happened.
I do not believe in therapy, you cannot use words with somone that doesn't reason. My parents went to therapy and all my mother tells me is that they always took my father's side.
It's going to be unpleasant initially when it dawns on her that you are the master of the home, the breadwinner and her protector, but it's your cross and Christ will help you carry it. It's still very much something you can win.
Its a little more complex due to immigration laws. I gave in to her childish tantrums and she got her way and so now we are in her country while we wait for at least a year for her to get residence in my country.
-
Really?
I’m sorry you were deprived of good role models, male and female.
Kindly refrain from projecting your warped thinking onto others.
It’s regrettable you’ve never met any holy black Catholics.
Your comment about what sins women confess is offensive.
I cannot help but wonder where you hear Mass. If women are
improperly attired, unveiled, that reflects more on the priest, unless
maybe it’s a “conservative” novus ordo or indult.
Speaking with disdain about one’s parents without necessity is unbecoming.
Are you even Catholic?
Charity is lacking.
You’re dismissing the point he was making. His father left because of his mother’s nagging. How many of us have grew up seeing this? A lot of unhappy marriages out there.
Comments like yours is why women can get away with not having accountability. They can cause their husbands to step out because of their behaviour and society will tell them that it’s the man’s fault.
-
If it was the other way around, the husband stopped working and was a fat lazy slob, I'm sure the comments would rip him to shreds. Instead of diagnosing with him an issue like OCD or saying "oh maybe he's stressed". Baby brain doesn't cause a woman to be nasty. Like have some self-control.
Women love to blame their hormones for all manner of immature actions.
-
I have thought about it too, whether it is a sin to be anonymously complaining about my wife. If I was to go to a priest or shrink I would be doing something similar although in private, and not anonymously. Is posting complaints anonymously a sin? I'm here to find solutions. Yes, it comes off complaining and I am guilty of releasing some steam here, but I'm in a situation that has become intolerable. I'm living with someone who is ill and who is forcing their illness on me with the threats of separation if I do not participate in their illness. What would you do? Try to keep the peace and just go along with it? Even if it was only temporary. Maybe for a few months? Maybe it will pass over and get better? Or just get up and leave saying goodbye to your wife and newborn son? Or try to take the son with you and end up in some custody battle? It's not a good situation because she only sees me as the problem and doesn't want to get external help. Which to me is a major sign that she is deeply afraid so much so that she has no care in the world about my health. It's very toxic.
The anonymous forum is the perfect forum for this type of situation. It's not sinful at all. And it has nothing to do with gossip, as another poster said, because you can't gossip against anonymous persons.
The devil is in overdrive to destroy families. That's the last bastion of society that still reflects some catholic sanity. Do you and your spouse pray the daily rosary together? I honestly believe this needs to be a priority. A non-negotiable. You need Our Lady's help. Your wife, especially, needs Our Lady.
-
If it was the other way around, the husband stopped working and was a fat lazy slob, I'm sure the comments would rip him to shreds. Instead of diagnosing with him an issue like OCD or saying "oh maybe he's stressed". Baby brain doesn't cause a woman to be nasty. Like have some self-control.
No, the comments would blame his wife. :laugh1:
-
:cowboy: They have a stable marriage. She’s a nag 🐎 and he’s full of 🐮💩. :fryingpan:
-
No, the comments would blame his wife. :laugh1:
No they wouldn't.
Not in this forum. Plenty of times men here have criticized men/husbands on here. I swear, some of you "women" on here are forum infiltrators. I'm almost convinced some of you are.
-
No they wouldn't.
Not in this forum. Plenty of times men here have criticized men/husbands on here. I swear, some of you "women" on here are forum infiltrators. I'm almost convinced some of you are.
And I'm convinced that some of the posters here are mentally ill.
-
And I'm convinced that some of the posters here are mentally ill.
I’m guessing you’re one of them? :fryingpan:
-
No, the comments would blame his wife. :laugh1:
No they wouldn’t. There are too many white-knights (simps) and feminists here. They’d tell him to “man up”. Look at the ѕυιcιdє rate of men. Much higher than women.
-
Women are like children or animals or blacks. They live in eternal present. It doesn't matter how docile you think your trad friends' wife is. At some stage she will have become irrational, annoying and potentially very destructive. It's women's nature, especially where no grace abounds. Sometimes one wonders what they say in the confessional if it’s always someone else's fault. I cannot imagine the divine graces needed for a convent to function.
I do not believe in therapy, you cannot use words with somone that doesn't reason.
Sounds like you need some therapy to get past your mother issues and have a better balanced view of women.
Does your wife know how little you think of her? How miserable that must be for her, to know think of her as no different than an animal. Or do you have a wife?
Obviously you’ve never had the pleasure of meeting some holy black people. Or maybe you have but would never entertain the idea that someone who is black might be much holier than you.
-
Really?
I’m sorry you were deprived of good role models, male and female.
Kindly refrain from projecting your warped thinking onto others.
It’s regrettable you’ve never met any holy black Catholics.
Your comment about what sins women confess is offensive.
I cannot help but wonder where you hear Mass. If women are
improperly attired, unveiled, that reflects more on the priest, unless
maybe it’s a “conservative” novus ordo or indult.
Speaking with disdain about one’s parents without necessity is unbecoming.
Are you even Catholic?
Charity is lacking.
Let's see what useful relationship advice you can provide, instead of being upset about reading something you didn't like.
The man needs to learn to understand and deal with women. So yes, there are plenty of very holy women but unfortunately this man's wife isn't one of them.
-
Sounds like you need some therapy to get past your mother issues and have a better balanced view of women.
Does your wife know how little you think of her? How miserable that must be for her, to know that you think of her as no different than an animal. Or do you have a wife?
Obviously you’ve never had the pleasure of meeting some holy black people. Or maybe you have but would never entertain the idea that someone who is black might be much holier than you.
-
If/when the lights/modern comforts go out, the women will be clinging to any man they can find..... Bad man or good man....
You can bank out that one.
-
If/when the lights/modern comforts go out, the women will be clinging to any man they can find..... Bad man or good man....
You can bank out that one.
It would force both to take the proper roles or die off.
-
It would force both to take the proper roles or die off.
Right. Taking a "balanced" view is what they want us to do. Egalitarianism is greyed out тαℓмυdic Satanism. You better stinkin' believe it. I say this, only because as a Catholic, I love God's creation (women) as he ordered it. Not to be a tyrant, not to abuse, but to love as Christ commands us to as men.
Our modern world forces us to think we NEED women out of them home, or to divorce if the husband is kind of mean or something goofy like that. Ya know, gotta have the nice stuff, can't carry our cross. I wouldn't doubt many women have carried the cross of having a crappy husband, not anything new under the sun, however, I don't believe the tyrant husband was the norm throughout history. Not even close. Us trads have to humble ourselves and realize, we are just as poisoned. What's worse is that our clergy isn't helping either. A lot of them are cowards on natural/temporal teaching. Wonder why that is...
-
OCD is about control. The person suffering it has out of control compulsive thoughts that they can't handle so they distract themselves from those thoughts with controlling their environment and others. There's also an element of superstition and ritual with repetitive acts that have occult meaning only to the OCD person. The wife may be having intrusive thoughts/voices that SHE may harm the baby. I doubt she would want to admit that to others, if in fact that is what is happening. Am I to understand that she is eastern European/Russian? If so I would also suspect inherited mental illness because there seems to be generational curses among their people.
This isn't a moral issue but a serious spiritual problem the wife is having. She needs spiritual direction now.
-
OCD is about control. The person suffering it has out of control compulsive thoughts that they can't handle so they distract themselves from those thoughts with controlling their environment and others. There's also an element of superstition and ritual with repetitive acts that have occult meaning only to the OCD person. The wife may be having intrusive thoughts/voices that SHE may harm the baby. I doubt she would want to admit that to others, if in fact that is what is happening. Am I to understand that she is eastern European/Russian? If so I would also suspect inherited mental illness because there seems to be generational curses among their people.
This isn't a moral issue but a serious spiritual problem the wife is having. She needs spiritual direction now.
Everyone has a diagnosis these days, whether they have BPD, autism, AdHD, etc. Putting labels on you is easier than taking control of your life and stop being a victim.
-
Everyone has a diagnosis these days, whether they have BPD, autism, AdHD, etc. Putting labels on you is easier than taking control of your life and stop being a victim.
Parents (especially where dad is a straight wimp) who didn't parent correctly love these copes listed above
-
Sounds like you need some therapy to get past your mother issues and have a better balanced view of women.
Does your wife know how little you think of her? How miserable that must be for her, to know think of her as no different than an animal. Or do you have a wife?
Obviously you’ve never had the pleasure of meeting some holy black people. Or maybe you have but would never entertain the idea that someone who is black might be much holier than you.
Do you have black friends?
Obviously the poster was talking about blacks in general. If you live in Merica you’d know. Some of these responses are pearl-clutching.
It’s easy to suggest therapy than offer sympathy for this situation that a mother caused his dad to do. You know how much damage that could cause on a child? And this is super common.
I think you need to stop assuming all women are great. Just because you’re a woman, doesn’t mean you’re obligated to defend all women.
-
To the OP, from a man who has been married 30 years to a wife who still completely ignores Church teaching on submission to her husband.
Her lack of submission to me almost drove me into apostasy. And the anger over the situation definitely drove me into much grave sin. I convinced myself that I had been deceived and trapped by this woman...blah, blah, blah.
My solution (not acted upon, thank God) was to leave the marriage, because (as I rationalized) "God surely could not be happy with her behavior." In my head, I had a good reason for "fixing the problem." God was on my side, right? And the fix would be divorce or separation or whatever.
But later I realized that I was looking at the situation all wrong. God had given me a Cross to bear, and I was constantly trying to find a way to dispose of my Cross. That is my nature. I am a problem-solver. Her behavior clearly contradicted God's plan for a happy marriage. This problematic behavior needed to be fixed, so that I could be happy.
No, this was all wrong. The problem is and always was threefold: me, myself and I...the unholy trinity.
God did not put me in this world to live out some kind of marital bliss in an earthly paradise with a wife that submits to my every command. I was not put here "to be happy." I was put in this world to suffer and yearn for true eternal bliss in Heaven with God. But that true eternal bliss is only open to those who keep God's commandments in this life and walk in the footsteps of Our Lord.
I realized that my marriage woes were actually my opportunity to merit Heaven. If I accepted and embraced that suffering, I would be on the path to Heaven. If I complained and acted in certain ways to avoid that suffering, I would be on the path to damnation.
You took a vow that included the phrase "...for better or for worse...." Accept your Cross and thank God that you are not confined to a wheelchair slowly dying from MS for 30 years like my wife's aunt was. God gives each of us a special Cross intended to test our love for Him. Love God by acknowledging and welcoming the chance to suffer in small ways in imitation of His infinite suffering for us.
-
Do you have black friends?
Obviously the poster was talking about blacks in general. If you live in Merica you’d know. Some of these responses are pearl-clutching.
It’s easy to suggest therapy than offer sympathy for this situation that a mother caused his dad to do. You know how much damage that could cause on a child? And this is super common.
I think you need to stop assuming all women are great. Just because you’re a woman, doesn’t mean you’re obligated to defend all women.
I don’t feel obligated to defend all women, just the women who are being labeled unjustly. He doesn’t say “most” women or “worldly” women, he simply says women, which I assume means all women.
I can sympathize with his situation with his mother because mine is much the same, except my father nipped that real quick by removing affection and any approval of her. As long as she’s not bossing and nagging they get along fine. Her nagging transferred to her children though, and my husband had to nip that real quick as well once we got married. We have firm boundaries with her now and are able to have a friendly relationship. I actually DID seek therapy to deal with my mother issues and it helped a lot.
I don’t have any close black friends. There are a few that I really admired for their holiness at the parish I used to go to, but I haven’t seen them in many years. Again, his statement about women and blacks was worded definitively and that’s why I got defensive. If that’s not what he meant, then my apologies.
-
The anonymous forum is the perfect forum for this type of situation. It's not sinful at all. And it has nothing to do with gossip, as another poster said, because you can't gossip against anonymous persons.
The devil is in overdrive to destroy families. That's the last bastion of society that still reflects some catholic sanity. Do you and your spouse pray the daily rosary together? I honestly believe this needs to be a priority. A non-negotiable. You need Our Lady's help. Your wife, especially, needs Our Lady.
We were praying the rosary together but she has gotten to the point where she only prays with me if she is in a good mood. Sometimes we pray our morning prayer together, but that's gotten much less.
-
I’m guessing you’re one of them? :fryingpan:
Yeah, I went too far with that one. Time for me to move on.
-
To the OP, from a man who has been married 30 years to a wife who still completely ignores Church teaching on submission to her husband.
Her lack of submission to me almost drove me into apostasy. And the anger over the situation definitely drove me into much grave sin. I convinced myself that I had been deceived and trapped by this woman...blah, blah, blah.
My solution (not acted upon, thank God) was to leave the marriage, because (as I rationalized) "God surely could not be happy with her behavior." In my head, I had a good reason for "fixing the problem." God was on my side, right? And the fix would be divorce or separation or whatever.
But later I realized that I was looking at the situation all wrong. God had given me a Cross to bear, and I was constantly trying to find a way to dispose of my Cross. That is my nature. I am a problem-solver. Her behavior clearly contradicted God's plan for a happy marriage. This problematic behavior needed to be fixed, so that I could be happy.
No, this was all wrong. The problem is and always was threefold: me, myself and I...the unholy trinity.
God did not put me in this world to live out some kind of marital bliss in an earthly paradise with a wife that submits to my every command. I was not put here "to be happy." I was put in this world to suffer and yearn for true eternal bliss in Heaven with God. But that true eternal bliss is only open to those who keep God's commandments in this life and walk in the footsteps of Our Lord.
I realized that my marriage woes were actually my opportunity to merit Heaven. If I accepted and embraced that suffering, I would be on the path to Heaven. If I complained and acted in certain ways to avoid that suffering, I would be on the path to damnation.
You took a vow that included the phrase "...for better or for worse...." Accept your Cross and thank God that you are not confined to a wheelchair slowly dying from MS for 30 years like my wife's aunt was. God gives each of us a special Cross intended to test our love for Him. Love God by acknowledging and welcoming the chance to suffer in small ways in imitation of His infinite suffering for us.
Yes, I have come to believe the same. It makes the most sense due to my sinful past. I would never divorce or separate from her unless there was a very good reason to separate and of course a priest would need to advise on this, but that's the last thing i would want. I have a family now. I don't want that destroyed. Divorce is obviously not an option. There is no such thing.
What about the kids though? What are they to think? Doesn't that set a bad example for them? Maybe not? Maybe they understand your suffering? And the wife, she will have to pay for her disobedience on that dreadful day? Maybe she will see her errors before then hopefully. Hopefully in time it gets better if God allows.
-
We were praying the rosary together but she has gotten to the point where she only prays with me if she is in a good mood. Sometimes we pray our morning prayer together, but that's gotten much less.
As St Paul tells us, the believing spouse can sanctify an unbelieving one. (1 Corinth 7). So, i'd start ramping up your prayers. Say the full Rosary as often as possible. You'll eventually see a change. Our Lady never loses.
-
To the OP, from a man who has been married 30 years to a wife who still completely ignores Church teaching on submission to her husband.
Her lack of submission to me almost drove me into apostasy. And the anger over the situation definitely drove me into much grave sin. I convinced myself that I had been deceived and trapped by this woman...blah, blah, blah.
My solution (not acted upon, thank God) was to leave the marriage, because (as I rationalized) "God surely could not be happy with her behavior." In my head, I had a good reason for "fixing the problem." God was on my side, right? And the fix would be divorce or separation or whatever.
But later I realized that I was looking at the situation all wrong. God had given me a Cross to bear, and I was constantly trying to find a way to dispose of my Cross. That is my nature. I am a problem-solver. Her behavior clearly contradicted God's plan for a happy marriage. This problematic behavior needed to be fixed, so that I could be happy.
No, this was all wrong. The problem is and always was threefold: me, myself and I...the unholy trinity.
God did not put me in this world to live out some kind of marital bliss in an earthly paradise with a wife that submits to my every command. I was not put here "to be happy." I was put in this world to suffer and yearn for true eternal bliss in Heaven with God. But that true eternal bliss is only open to those who keep God's commandments in this life and walk in the footsteps of Our Lord.
I realized that my marriage woes were actually my opportunity to merit Heaven. If I accepted and embraced that suffering, I would be on the path to Heaven. If I complained and acted in certain ways to avoid that suffering, I would be on the path to damnation.
You took a vow that included the phrase "...for better or for worse...." Accept your Cross and thank God that you are not confined to a wheelchair slowly dying from MS for 30 years like my wife's aunt was. God gives each of us a special Cross intended to test our love for Him. Love God by acknowledging and welcoming the chance to suffer in small ways in imitation of His infinite suffering for us.
I am the same as you and in a similar situation to the user who made the opening post.
Your words are wise. Easier said than done, as usual.
I congratulate you on 30 years of fight. I have not made it to 10 yet.
May God help us.:incense:
-
I don’t feel obligated to defend all women, just the women who are being labeled unjustly. He doesn’t say “most” women or “worldly” women, he simply says women, which I assume means all women.
Who bombed Pearl Harbour? Were all Japanese involved?
I gave the example of my parents and what caused my father to leave the family home. This isn't mother issues. I believe that I committed no sin against the 4th commandment. I love my parents and have moved on decades ago.
I hope and pray the originale poster can repair his home. I would rather live in Soviet Russia than suffer the psychological warfare that some women wage on their husbands.
-
Who bombed Pearl Harbour? Were all Japanese involved?
I gave the example of my parents and what caused my father to leave the family home. This isn't mother issues. I believe that I committed no sin against the 4th commandment. I love my parents and have moved on decades ago.
I hope and pray the originale poster can repair his home. I would rather live in Soviet Russia than suffer the psychological warfare that some women wage on their husbands.
Ok. I apologize for not giving you the benefit of the doubt.
I pray the same.
-
Wife defrosts meat on the floor in its packaging that is open.
Anyone do this?
:laugh1: Why is this thread so long and still going???
-
Be sure once it's on the floor that nobody steps on it and for heaven's sake keep the dog away from it..
-
To the OP, from a man who has been married 30 years to a wife who still completely ignores Church teaching on submission to her husband.
Her lack of submission to me almost drove me into apostasy. And the anger over the situation definitely drove me into much grave sin. I convinced myself that I had been deceived and trapped by this woman...blah, blah, blah.
My solution (not acted upon, thank God) was to leave the marriage, because (as I rationalized) "God surely could not be happy with her behavior." In my head, I had a good reason for "fixing the problem." God was on my side, right? And the fix would be divorce or separation or whatever.
But later I realized that I was looking at the situation all wrong. God had given me a Cross to bear, and I was constantly trying to find a way to dispose of my Cross. That is my nature. I am a problem-solver. Her behavior clearly contradicted God's plan for a happy marriage. This problematic behavior needed to be fixed, so that I could be happy.
No, this was all wrong. The problem is and always was threefold: me, myself and I...the unholy trinity.
God did not put me in this world to live out some kind of marital bliss in an earthly paradise with a wife that submits to my every command. I was not put here "to be happy." I was put in this world to suffer and yearn for true eternal bliss in Heaven with God. But that true eternal bliss is only open to those who keep God's commandments in this life and walk in the footsteps of Our Lord.
I realized that my marriage woes were actually my opportunity to merit Heaven. If I accepted and embraced that suffering, I would be on the path to Heaven. If I complained and acted in certain ways to avoid that suffering, I would be on the path to damnation.
You took a vow that included the phrase "...for better or for worse...." Accept your Cross and thank God that you are not confined to a wheelchair slowly dying from MS for 30 years like my wife's aunt was. God gives each of us a special Cross intended to test our love for Him. Love God by acknowledging and welcoming the chance to suffer in small ways in imitation of His infinite suffering for us.
I am the same as you and in a similar situation to the user who made the opening post.
Your words are wise. Easier said than done, as usual.
I congratulate you on 30 years of fight. I have not made it to 10 yet.
May God help us.:incense:
My heart goes out to the 2 of you, and the OP. I am sure there are many more. What the Devil has done to the family is atrocious, but we were warned.
I am a woman and I am about to say something that women are not going to like. Women took for themselves the power to corrupt, when Eve took the apple from the tree. Man kept the corruption going when they took a bite of the apple. I know that this is normally about pride and wanting to be like gods, but the apple seems to also represent the concupiscence of the flesh. She has the fruit, she has control over who she entices to eat this fruit. This is why she was put under submission to the man. This is why men need to be sure to marry before eating the fruit (maybe even cut the fruit open to make sure that it is not rotten on the inside). How do we reverse the trajectory?
:pray::pray::pray:
-
POV: CathInfo still fighting over Defrosting meat on the floor :fryingpan::laugh2: (Page 14 & Counting)
(https://i.imgur.com/bfwAHmv.png)
-
Another bout with the wife. The usual of telling me to leave and regrets of marrying me, but a new addition that she let me in on. She said she can call the police and have me removed (I'm in her country currently) because she doesn't like the tone of my voice. Its full of anger. Oh, and that she will take our son away. Quarrelsome.
-
I'm just too aggressive she says.
-
Another bout with the wife. The usual of telling me to leave and regrets of marrying me, but a new addition that she let me in on. She said she can call the police and have me removed (I'm in her country currently) because she doesn't like the tone of my voice. Its full of anger. Oh, and that she will take our son away. Quarrelsome.
Well....you've gotten yourself into a hell of a mess. Seems to me you've got a decision to make; either keep on with your current habits of thinking and the obvious downward spiral to disaster that you're both on.....or grow up.
Ultimately the problem is you.
Deep down you know it.
It's YOUR life, no one else will or can live it for you. Only it's not just your life now; you have a wife and a child.
-
Another bout with the wife. The usual of telling me to leave and regrets of marrying me, but a new addition that she let me in on. She said she can call the police and have me removed (I'm in her country currently) because she doesn't like the tone of my voice. Its full of anger. Oh, and that she will take our son away. Quarrelsome.
What an entitled woman. She can live on the streets. Withhold affection from her. Record everything she says in case she actually does that. What a manipulative horrible woman, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
-
Well....you've gotten yourself into a hell of a mess. Seems to me you've got a decision to make; either keep on with your current habits of thinking and the obvious downward spiral to disaster that you're both on.....or grow up.
Ultimately the problem is you.
Deep down you know it.
It's YOUR life, no one else will or can live it for you. Only it's not just your life now; you have a wife and a child.
She needs to grow up. What are you saying? She’s likely acting like this because she can. He seems like a good husband and you’re not helping with those comments.
-
That would be too easy if the problem was me. The problem is that arguing leads to horrible things be said. Especially on her part, "threats of breaking up family". Just need to find professional help. She has no interest in pro help unfortunately.
-
What an entitled woman. She can live on the streets. Withhold affection from her. Record everything she says in case she actually does that. What a manipulative horrible woman, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
...and...just in time...an enabler to tempt the OP to keep on the path of destruction.
-
...and...just in time...an enabler to tempt the OP to keep on the path of destruction.
And what is the OP doing? Enabler? You’re either a white knight simp or feminist.
-
She needs to grow up. What are you saying? She’s likely acting like this because she can. He seems like a good husband and you’re not helping with those comments.
Pardon my uncharacteristic bluntness, but that's just dumb. You know this woman? Do you actually know this guy? You ever dealt with a dysfunctional couple? Please stop enabling this guy. Whether you realize it or not, you are hindering him from growing and becoming a man.
-
She needs to grow up. What are you saying? She’s likely acting like this because she can. He seems like a good husband and you’re not helping with those comments.
I say how I'm sick of being constantly criticized. She has something to say about everything I do and how it's wrong. She says I don't listen to her because I don't do everything the way she tells me to do things. And if I point this out she has a long excuse about why it must be done that way and of course these are all meaningless things that don't make a huge difference. Tje about money and how if something happened to me, she would be on the streets with our son helpless which is horse manure.
-
The woman sounds like a full-blown feminαzι. You can’t run a family with a wife like this.
However, what option is there, short of walking out the door? Practically, can you talk to her family/friends and see if they agree that she’s unreasonable? She needs an intervention. Women do respond to social pressures.
You also have to pray like your life depended on it. The devil is trying to destroy another family. He’s good at it. But God's grace, and your power as head of the family, is more powerful.
Are you going to the sacraments regularly? If not, then God can allow the devil to cause chaos in punishment for your lukewarmenss. If so, then you have to forgive your wife and pray.
If the family is all on her side, then only Our Lady can help.
-
Pardon my uncharacteristic bluntness, but that's just dumb. You know this woman? Do you actually know this guy? You ever dealt with a dysfunctional couple? Please stop enabling this guy. Whether you realize it or not, you are hindering him from growing and becoming a man.
Simp. You’re enabling this abusive wife. The wife has already threatened to call the police for no reason and you are ignoring that? Maybe you need to read this thread again? And you don’t know this man yet you have poor deductive skills. What is this man doing? Can you answer the question?
-
Pardon my uncharacteristic bluntness, but that's just dumb. You know this woman? Do you actually know this guy? You ever dealt with a dysfunctional couple? Please stop enabling this guy. Whether you realize it or not, you are hindering him from growing and becoming a man.
Do you this woman? Do you actually know this guy?
-
If there are any priests, seminarians, or religious out there reading this thread, or if any of you are questioning your vocation, it’s time to give thanks to God! And pray for this couple. They need prayers, the child(ren) especially. This is how children’s lives get messed up and souls go to Hell after losing the Faith.
:pray:
-
The woman sounds like a full-blown feminαzι. You can’t run a family with a wife like this.
However, what option is there, short of walking out the door? Practically, can you talk to her family/friends and see if they agree that she’s unreasonable? She needs an intervention. Women do respond to social pressures.
You also have to pray like your life depended on it. The devil is trying to destroy another family. He’s good at it. But God's grace, and your power as head of the family, is more powerful.
Are you going to the sacraments regularly? If not, then God can allow the devil to cause chaos in punishment for your lukewarmenss. If so, then you have to forgive your wife and pray.
If the family is all on her side, then only Our Lady can help.
I could receive the sacraments more.
-
You're not going to get far if you can't manage to have a discussion with your wife without losing your temper.
Is her family Traditional? If you're in her country and the family is Catholic, go and ask her parents or siblings for advice.
-
You're not going to get far if you can't manage to have a discussion with your wife without losing your temper.
Is her family Traditional? If you're in her country and the family is Catholic, go and ask her parents or siblings for advice.
You're telling me. Imagine having a discussion with someone that constantly interrupts you and twist the topic. I cant remember if I was ever able to have an honest discussion about our problems. It immediately turns into blaming and how my past treatment justifies her contempt for me.
-
You can't control her reaction, but you can at least try to stay calm on your end. If she interrupts, let her talk and consider not who is wrong or right, but is what she wants something you're willing to do for the sake of your family. I'm not suggesting you always just do her bidding, but you're at an impasse right now and someone has to extend a gesture of good will, and you're the one here asking.
I'm no expert, but the two of you loved (and even liked) each other at some point in the past and now you both drive each other crazy and have a hard time remembering anything you like about each other. Often, it really boils down to one big thing that sets off this pattern. Often you tolerate a great number of small things until something big comes along and then all of those small things become intolerable as well. So far, the things you've mentioned all seem pretty small, albeit a little crazy imo. The crazy was already there when you still liked her, so what was the trigger? Was it a big move? a job change? The new baby? Maybe all of the above? -- The baby alone is a huge change even if health isn't an issue. Does she need help adjusting to motherhood?
Unless this was an arranged marriage, you knew her beforehand and didn't take issue with her need for cleanliness. If you think she's acting like a completely different person because of the recent pregnancy and she doesn't agree, you're just going to have to be patient with her and try not to make things worse while she recovers.
-
For the sake of your child first and foremost I would endure as peacefully as possible until you get back to your own country then you can put manners on your wife once you are in your own country but until then, lay low and quiet. Pray for the strength to endure. I am a woman so take this advice with a pinch of salt but it is what I would say to my own son if he was in this situation. Also her threats of leaving must be empty as you post that she is afraid that she would be on the streets if anything happened you. However If she lived on her own she may have some financial independence, how much are her own family involved in her life, has she a support network if she did leave, you need to have a realistic evaluation on how strong her threats are for your own peace of mind. I do believe she is bluffing, she may not be bluffing about calling the police on you.
Was this unreasonable behaviour there during her 9 months of pregnancy or did it suddenly explode after the baby was born? If it was only minor beforehand and it escalated way out of proportion after the baby was born then it is certainly a mental health issue tied into hormones and you can ignore previous advice and focus on getting her back to health. Just my two cents worth but you have my full sympathy and prayers.
-
You can't control her reaction, but you can at least try to stay calm on your end. If she interrupts, let her talk and consider not who is wrong or right, but is what she wants something you're willing to do for the sake of your family. I'm not suggesting you always just do her bidding, but you're at an impasse right now and someone has to extend a gesture of good will, and you're the one here asking.
I'm no expert, but the two of you loved (and even liked) each other at some point in the past and now you both drive each other crazy and have a hard time remembering anything you like about each other. Often, it really boils down to one big thing that sets off this pattern. Often you tolerate a great number of small things until something big comes along and then all of those small things become intolerable as well. So far, the things you've mentioned all seem pretty small, albeit a little crazy imo. The crazy was already there when you still liked her, so what was the trigger? Was it a big move? a job change? The new baby? Maybe all of the above? -- The baby alone is a huge change even if health isn't an issue. Does she need help adjusting to motherhood?
Unless this was an arranged marriage, you knew her beforehand and didn't take issue with her need for cleanliness. If you think she's acting like a completely different person because of the recent pregnancy and she doesn't agree, you're just going to have to be patient with her and try not to make things worse while she recovers.
No triggers. When people start living together they notice things about the other person more. It wasn't until after we got married. There weren't any major red flags beforehand. I noticed she has some slightly oddities which I didn't think much of, but after we got married she became increasingly hostile and demanding about certain things. I'm usually the one to swallow my pride and intiate making peace with her like I just did earlier. Also, we are in a temporary living situation due to U.S. immigration. You get married to someone from another country and if you decide to follow the U.S. immigration rules, then you can expect a wait time of a year and half or more until you and your spouse can live in your U.S. home. Hence why I'm currently living in her country. Not only that but we have a child now and I don't want him being separated from me.
Trying to have honest discussions about our issue never ends well. This is why I i wanted for us to see a counselor together so we could discuss these important issues, but she's doesn't want to do this. So I'll just need to figure out how I can have these discussions with her without it turning into a heated argument
-
For the sake of your child first and foremost I would endure as peacefully as possible until you get back to your own country then you can put manners on your wife once you are in your own country but until then, lay low and quiet. Pray for the strength to endure. I am a woman so take this advice with a pinch of salt but it is what I would say to my own son if he was in this situation. Also her threats of leaving must be empty as you post that she is afraid that she would be on the streets if anything happened you. However If she lived on her own she may have some financial independence, how much are her own family involved in her life, has she a support network if she did leave, you need to have a realistic evaluation on how strong her threats are for your own peace of mind. I do believe she is bluffing, she may not be bluffing about calling the police on you.
Was this unreasonable behaviour there during her 9 months of pregnancy or did it suddenly explode after the baby was born? If it was only minor beforehand and it escalated way out of proportion after the baby was born then it is certainly a mental health issue tied into hormones and you can ignore previous advice and focus on getting her back to health. Just my two cents worth but you have my full sympathy and prayers.
Yes, this is basically what I've been trying to do. Lay low and try and keep the peace. It's not easy. Once we get back to America then I will turn the tables on her and make her suffer twice as hard as she made me suffer. Okay that last part was a joke :laugh1: I would never do that. That would just continue this vicious cycle.
-
When a spouse acts like a child, do you stoop to their level and get even with them to teach them a lesson? Do you let it go? If you let it go and they continue repeat the same behavior, shouldn't you have taught them their lesson then?
This adult child wants to create a great anger in me. The same adult child accuses me of being malicious, yet they just project over and over again their wickedness. When will it end? How much can a human being put up with? When is it time to call it quits??? I don't have much more patience left.
-
When a spouse acts like a child, do you stoop to their level and get even with them to teach them a lesson? Do you let it go? If you let it go and they continue repeat the same behavior, shouldn't you have taught them their lesson then?
This adult child wants to create a great anger in me. The same adult child accuses me of being malicious, yet they just project over and over again their wickedness. When will it end? How much can a human being put up with? When is it time to call it quits??? I don't have much more patience left.
At this point I can’t decide who is the bigger child, her or you.
Im leaning towards this is all made up and you’re trolling.
-
At this point I can’t decide who is the bigger child, her or you.
Im leaning towards this is all made up and you’re trolling.
you have no clue troll boy
-
i think im just about done
-
At this point I can’t decide who is the bigger child, her or you.
Im leaning towards this is all made up and you’re trolling.
You sound like you're not married or your wife wears the pants. I'm tired of this Reddit-like advice saying it's the man's fault. You seriously think this is made-up? Well you have your head in the sand if you don't think this is happening in many marriages right now.
-
You sound like you're not married or your wife wears the pants. I'm tired of this Reddit-like advice saying it's the man's fault. You seriously think this is made-up? Well you have your head in the sand if you don't think this is happening in many marriages right now.
OP, is every post that sounds like you, you? Sometimes you sound understanding and sane and sometimes you sound whiny? I guess this is why we can't really give you sound advice.
Prayers for you.
Are all her traditional Catholic friends just like her?
-
OP, is every post that sounds like you, you? Sometimes you sound understanding and sane and sometimes you sound whiny? I guess this is why we can't really give you sound advice.
Prayers for you.
Are all her traditional Catholic friends just like her?
That's not me. It's anonymous and you also sound like the reddit guy.
-
That's not me. It's anonymous and you also sound like the reddit guy.
I have know idea what you are trying to say.
-
OP, is every post that sounds like you, you? Sometimes you sound understanding and sane and sometimes you sound whiny? I guess this is why we can't really give you sound advice.
Prayers for you.
Are all her traditional Catholic friends just like her?
Honestly, I have doubts that this is a real person. It could be. But something is off.
-
That's not me. It's anonymous and you also sound like the reddit guy.
Gray is very feminist.
-
Just need to find professional help.
So what's holding you up?
-
Honestly, I have doubts that this is a real person. It could be. But something is off.
I am definitely a real person.
-
Gray is very feminist.
Define feminist.
-
Define feminist.
Any woman who disagrees publicly with a man on here? LOL
-
Any woman who disagrees publicly with a man on here? LOL
That's not the definition of feminism, but it's a consequence of thinking that women are equal with men.
-
Any woman who disagrees publicly with a man on here? LOL
:laugh1:
-
That's not the definition of feminism, but it's a consequence of thinking that women are equal with men.
I do not think I am equal to men, but I spend most of my life raising and working with men.
-
I am definitely a real person.
I got confused. Minnesota were you talking about me or the OP being a real person? I think I misunderstood you. I am sorry.
-
I got confused. Minnesota were you talking about me or the OP being a real person? I think I misunderstood you. I am sorry.
OP. OP gives off troll vibes with how different each of his posts are.
-
OP. OP gives off troll vibes with how different each of his posts are.
I’m not OP but how do you know which posts are his? The ones defending him from the people accusing him of trolling or him being immature are mine.
-
I’m not OP but how do you know which posts are his? The ones defending him from the people accusing him of trolling or him being immature are mine.
Issues with contamination but defrosts raw meat on the floor. Even the dirtiest restaurants in America (and health inspector visits are public record in most places) don't contradict themselves that badly.
-
Issues with contamination but defrosts raw meat on the floor. Even the dirtiest restaurants in America (and health inspector visits are public record in most places) don't contradict themselves that badly.
Are you married? Women can be very contradictory. They can be very irrational. They are not logical like men. They don't stick to one plan. Their decisions and choices change like the wind. Add ocd into the mix and you get the picture.
-
Define feminist.
That's like saying define Marxist. Not good.
Anyone have some good links to resources on the errors of feminism? Videos, books, articles? It should be stuck at the top of every post to assist women.
-
OP. OP gives off troll vibes with how different each of his posts are.
The story could be fake, but I'm inclined to believe it's true but with bias as no one can really articulate someone else's motivations, especially when frustrated by their behavior.
HOWEVER, I prefer to think of it along the lines of "does this conversation have any benefit?" It seems at least a couple of other members feel their marriages bear a resemblance to the OP's and so I do believe the conversation and advice given is worthwhile. I wish OP would have settled for one layer of anonymity (random screen name) rather than putting this thread here where it's so hard to even guess at who's saying what.
-
The users that complain about anonymous posts in a sub forum where anonymous post are allowed. Who does that benefit???
-
Are you married? Women can be very contradictory. They can be very irrational. They are not logical like men. They don't stick to one plan. Their decisions and choices change like the wind. Add ocd into the mix and you get the picture.
Are you the Op? When you write a response can you sign that you are the OP? I know someone might lie (I would hope not because we are Catholics and shouldn't lie. )
I really do feel for your situation. One of the posts awhile ago said she ate in bed and didn't cook for you much. Was that you? It seems contradictory to all her ocd.
-
The story could be fake, but I'm inclined to believe it's true but with bias as no one can really articulate someone else's motivations, especially when frustrated by their behavior.
HOWEVER, I prefer to think of it along the lines of "does this conversation have any benefit?" It seems at least a couple of other members feel their marriages bear a resemblance to the OP's and so I do believe the conversation and advice given is worthwhile. I wish OP would have settled for one layer of anonymity (random screen name) rather than putting this thread here where it's so hard to even guess at who's saying what.
I think it's probably true as well, but at this point (255 posts and 18 pages) I don't think this discussion serves any good purpose. OP needs to get professional/priestly guidance and I'm unsure why he hasn't done it yet. When he does, he could then get back to the forum and let it know what he learns (anonymously of course). That would be beneficial to others who have similar issues.
-
Then again, if this thread is all a fake, then I'm going with the OP being Croix.
-
When I saw "puts meat on the floor to defrost" I thought this whole post (once again ::)) is a load of honkey. most likely.
-
That would be too easy if the problem was me. The problem is that arguing leads to horrible things be said. Especially on her part, "threats of breaking up family". Just need to find professional help. She has no interest in pro help unfortunately.
Some of the thoughts expressed herein might be of help to you, OP:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEi55kV1MRA
-
18 pages on a wife putting meat on the floor.
must be a slow news week.
-
The users that complain about anonymous posts in a sub forum where anonymous post are allowed. Who does that benefit???
They're just being Karens, they can scroll along and not participate in them.
-
Are you married? Women can be very contradictory. They can be very irrational. They are not logical like men. They don't stick to one plan. Their decisions and choices change like the wind. Add ocd into the mix and you get the picture.
Exactly. She could also be vindictive and trying to get attention. Not the OP. Just tired of seeing posts that say this situation is fake. Obviously, they don't live in the real world or talk to anyone. I have family members acting in a way that you'd think it's a soap opera.
-
Exactly. She could also be vindictive and trying to get attention. Not the OP. Just tired of seeing posts that say this situation is fake. Obviously, they don't live in the real world or talk to anyone. I have family members acting in a way that you'd think it's a soap opera.
I could be mistaken, but I don’t think anyone is doubting this kind of thing isn’t happening with husbands and wives. It’s pretty common for women to threaten to leave, call the cops, take the kids, do all sorts of caniving manipulative things, etc.
What is being brought into question is whether the person posting it is making it up to troll the forum. There’s been several things he’s said that make me think that. Just one example, he said he’s not going to leave her, like that wasn’t an option at all. Then a few pages later he’s asking if he should cal it quits. Also he starts off the thread about his wife thawing out meat on the floor which is…. Interesting. But then it turned into all the problems about his wife.
I don’t think it’s wrong to question it, especially since it’s anonymous. Nobody likes being taken for a fool. Even if it is a made up situation, like Mater, I agree it’s a good discussion topic because many men do go through it.
If it is real, I do feel for the OP. Her behaviors go beyond post partum blues.
-
I could be mistaken, but I don’t think anyone is doubting this kind of thing isn’t happening with husbands and wives. It’s pretty common for women to threaten to leave, call the cops, take the kids, do all sorts of caniving manipulative things, etc.
What is being brought into question is whether the person posting it is making it up to troll the forum. There’s been several things he’s said that make me think that. Just one example, he said he’s not going to leave her, like that wasn’t an option at all. Then a few pages later he’s asking if he should cal it quits. Also he starts off the thread about his wife thawing out meat on the floor which is…. Interesting. But then it turned into all the problems about his wife.
I don’t think it’s wrong to question it, especially since it’s anonymous. Nobody likes being taken for a fool. Even if it is a made up situation, like Mater, I agree it’s a good discussion topic because many men do go through it.
If it is real, I do feel for the OP. Her behaviors go beyond post partum blues.
No doubt she could wanting to be leaving him for whatever reason. It's just the meat on the floor thing is just too farfetched to me. :laugh1:
-
Not the OP, but I see the meat on the floor as the straw that broke the camel's back.
-
It’s pretty common for women to threaten to leave, call the cops, take the kids, do all sorts of caniving manipulative things, etc.
These actions are all grave sins. These are big-time assaults on the marriage sacrament. I’d argue these are much worse than adultery.
What's eye-opening is that because such is so common, that the man is still shamed for the (assumed) blame he had in his wife’s anti-catholic actions. He was criticized for not “manning up” or being “wimpy” etc etc. This is the real problem.
In this story the wife is clearly wrong, and people still can’t accept this. Society won’t change until Catholics call evil as evil.
-
No doubt she could wanting to be leaving him for whatever reason. It's just the meat on the floor thing is just too farfetched to me. :laugh1:
Haha. I am still trying to wrap my mind around it, and have found myself thinking about it when I’m not reading the forum! We were on our way to watch an out of town ball game last night and I was literally going through placing the meat on the floor in my mind and going back and forth on wether I thought that could be normal or not in Europe. Then I asked my husband what he thought and he laughed at me. :laugh1: The things you read on CathInfo!
-
She is. She acts like a child. I get up at night every few hours to take care of the baby. She gets her sleep. Then when she gets up earlier in the morning she eats and drinks in bed right next to me while I'm trying to sleep for another few hours. I ask her politely to eat in the other room and then she argues with me why she should be able to do that.
Is this the OP? It seems counter to her OCD issues. Clean feet, but you can eat in bed?
-
She is. She acts like a child. I get up at night every few hours to take care of the baby. She gets her sleep. Then when she gets up earlier in the morning she eats and drinks in bed right next to me while I'm trying to sleep for another few hours. I ask her politely to eat in the other room and then she argues with me why she should be able to do that.
Instead, psychopathy is characterised by an extreme lack of empathy. Psychopaths may also be manipulative, charming and exploitative, and behave in an impulsive and risky manner. They may lack conscience or guilt, and refuse to accept responsibility for their actions.
Psychopathy is a form of antisocial behavior that occurs with traits like impulsivity, lack of empathy, and stunted or low emotional development.
-
Psychopathy is characterised by an extreme lack of empathy. Psychopaths may also be manipulative, charming and exploitative, and behave in an impulsive and risky manner. They may lack conscience or guilt, and refuse to accept responsibility for their actions.
Psychopathy is a form of antisocial behavior that occurs with traits like impulsivity, lack of empathy, and stunted or low emotional development.
-
Some of the thoughts expressed herein might be of help to you, OP:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEi55kV1MRA
Jordan Peterson is a charlatan atheist who collects communist "art". The guy is a subversive. He is not about Christianity or conservatives. He is a gatekeeper globalist agent paid for by globalist aka Jews to keep the people on the right confused and to destroy white people. I highly suggest you never follow or post any of his propaganda. Especially in a Catholic forum. He is a dangerous subversive lying snake.
-
I could be mistaken, but I don’t think anyone is doubting this kind of thing isn’t happening with husbands and wives. It’s pretty common for women to threaten to leave, call the cops, take the kids, do all sorts of caniving manipulative things, etc.
What is being brought into question is whether the person posting it is making it up to troll the forum. There’s been several things he’s said that make me think that. Just one example, he said he’s not going to leave her, like that wasn’t an option at all. Then a few pages later he’s asking if he should cal it quits. Also he starts off the thread about his wife thawing out meat on the floor which is…. Interesting. But then it turned into all the problems about his wife.
I don’t think it’s wrong to question it, especially since it’s anonymous. Nobody likes being taken for a fool. Even if it is a made up situation, like Mater, I agree it’s a good discussion topic because many men do go through it.
If it is real, I do feel for the OP. Her behaviors go beyond post partum blues.
That doesn't prove anything and the fact that users question whether it is real or not shouldn't be on a forum. Which leads me to believe many of the accounts on this forum are likely subversive anti-Catholics, Jidf slime.
-
These actions are all grave sins. These are big-time assaults on the marriage sacrament. I’d argue these are much worse than adultery.
What's eye-opening is that because such is so common, that the man is still shamed for the (assumed) blame he had in his wife’s anti-catholic actions. He was criticized for not “manning up” or being “wimpy” etc etc. This is the real problem.
In this story the wife is clearly wrong, and people still can’t accept this. Society won’t change until Catholics call evil as evil.
Totally agree. How can a Catholic woman say such things to her husband? Does she confess these sins? Does she even see them as sins?
Women are very repulsed when men get angered (especially in our modern era of feminism) whether it be because of her behavior or something else. If the anger becomes too much for her, she will resort to any means necessary to emotionally hurt the man so that he will remove himself from her presence when he is in this angered state. Since women are much more emotional by nature, they understand very well how to attack the man's so called nonexistent emotions.
What the one husband in the thread eluded to earlier about carrying his cross with an abusive wife, was that the man just learns to be patient with his wife's abusive behavior. Patience is a virtue, but at the same time like others have said, what kind of example does this set for the children? It's not healthy for the family. It creates resentment. God can't be happy with such backwards behavior. The man is submitting to the women. And about every commentor in the thread seems to be ignoring this or worse, obsfucating the root problem of the wife not being submissive to her husband