To the OP, from a man who has been married 30 years to a wife who still completely ignores Church teaching on submission to her husband. 

Her lack of submission to me almost drove me into apostasy. And the anger over the situation definitely drove me into much grave sin. I convinced myself that I had been deceived and trapped by this woman...blah, blah, blah. 

My solution (not acted upon, thank God) was to leave the marriage, because (as I rationalized) "God surely could not be happy with her behavior." In my head, I had a good reason for "fixing the problem." God was on my side, right? And the fix would be divorce or separation or whatever.

But later I realized that I was looking at the situation all wrong. God had given me a Cross to bear, and I was constantly trying to find a way to dispose of my Cross. That is my nature. I am a problem-solver. Her behavior clearly contradicted God's plan for a happy marriage. This problematic behavior needed to be fixed, so that I could be happy.

No, this was all wrong. The problem is and always was threefold: me, myself and I...the unholy trinity. 

God did not put me in this world to live out some kind of marital bliss in an earthly paradise with a wife that submits to my every command. I was not put here "to be happy." I was put in this world to suffer and yearn for true eternal bliss in Heaven with God. But that true eternal bliss is only open to those who keep God's commandments in this life and walk in the footsteps of Our Lord.

I realized that my marriage woes were actually my opportunity to merit Heaven. If I accepted and embraced that suffering, I would be on the path to Heaven. If I complained and acted in certain ways to avoid that suffering, I would be on the path to damnation.

You took a vow that included the phrase "...for better or for worse...." Accept your Cross and thank God that you are not confined to a wheelchair slowly dying from MS for 30 years like my wife's aunt was. God gives each of us a special Cross intended to test our love for Him. Love God by acknowledging and welcoming the chance to suffer in small ways in imitation of His infinite suffering for us.

The anonymous forum is the perfect forum for this type of situation.  It's not sinful at all.  And it has nothing to do with gossip, as another poster said, because you can't gossip against anonymous persons.

The devil is in overdrive to destroy families.  That's the last bastion of society that still reflects some catholic sanity.  Do you and your spouse pray the daily rosary together?  I honestly believe this needs to be a priority.  A non-negotiable.  You need Our Lady's help.  Your wife, especially, needs Our Lady.

We were praying the rosary together but she has gotten to the point where she only prays with me if she is in a good mood. Sometimes we pray our morning prayer together, but that's gotten much less.

To the OP, from a man who has been married 30 years to a wife who still completely ignores Church teaching on submission to her husband.

Her lack of submission to me almost drove me into apostasy. And the anger over the situation definitely drove me into much grave sin. I convinced myself that I had been deceived and trapped by this woman...blah, blah, blah.

My solution (not acted upon, thank God) was to leave the marriage, because (as I rationalized) "God surely could not be happy with her behavior." In my head, I had a good reason for "fixing the problem." God was on my side, right? And the fix would be divorce or separation or whatever.

But later I realized that I was looking at the situation all wrong. God had given me a Cross to bear, and I was constantly trying to find a way to dispose of my Cross. That is my nature. I am a problem-solver. Her behavior clearly contradicted God's plan for a happy marriage. This problematic behavior needed to be fixed, so that I could be happy.

No, this was all wrong. The problem is and always was threefold: me, myself and I...the unholy trinity.

God did not put me in this world to live out some kind of marital bliss in an earthly paradise with a wife that submits to my every command. I was not put here "to be happy." I was put in this world to suffer and yearn for true eternal bliss in Heaven with God. But that true eternal bliss is only open to those who keep God's commandments in this life and walk in the footsteps of Our Lord.

I realized that my marriage woes were actually my opportunity to merit Heaven. If I accepted and embraced that suffering, I would be on the path to Heaven. If I complained and acted in certain ways to avoid that suffering, I would be on the path to damnation.

You took a vow that included the phrase "...for better or for worse...." Accept your Cross and thank God that you are not confined to a wheelchair slowly dying from MS for 30 years like my wife's aunt was. God gives each of us a special Cross intended to test our love for Him. Love God by acknowledging and welcoming the chance to suffer in small ways in imitation of His infinite suffering for us.

Yes, I have come to believe the same. It makes the most sense due to my sinful past. I would never divorce or separate from her unless there was a very good reason to separate and of course a priest would need to advise on this, but that's the last thing i would want. I have a family now. I don't want that destroyed. Divorce is obviously not an option. There is no such thing.

What about the kids though? What are they to think? Doesn't that set a bad example for them? Maybe not? Maybe they understand your suffering? And the wife, she will have to pay for her disobedience on that dreadful day? Maybe she will see her errors before then hopefully. Hopefully in time it gets better if God allows.

To the OP, from a man who has been married 30 years to a wife who still completely ignores Church teaching on submission to her husband.

Her lack of submission to me almost drove me into apostasy. And the anger over the situation definitely drove me into much grave sin. I convinced myself that I had been deceived and trapped by this woman...blah, blah, blah.

My solution (not acted upon, thank God) was to leave the marriage, because (as I rationalized) "God surely could not be happy with her behavior." In my head, I had a good reason for "fixing the problem." God was on my side, right? And the fix would be divorce or separation or whatever.

But later I realized that I was looking at the situation all wrong. God had given me a Cross to bear, and I was constantly trying to find a way to dispose of my Cross. That is my nature. I am a problem-solver. Her behavior clearly contradicted God's plan for a happy marriage. This problematic behavior needed to be fixed, so that I could be happy.

No, this was all wrong. The problem is and always was threefold: me, myself and I...the unholy trinity.

God did not put me in this world to live out some kind of marital bliss in an earthly paradise with a wife that submits to my every command. I was not put here "to be happy." I was put in this world to suffer and yearn for true eternal bliss in Heaven with God. But that true eternal bliss is only open to those who keep God's commandments in this life and walk in the footsteps of Our Lord.

I realized that my marriage woes were actually my opportunity to merit Heaven. If I accepted and embraced that suffering, I would be on the path to Heaven. If I complained and acted in certain ways to avoid that suffering, I would be on the path to damnation.

You took a vow that included the phrase "...for better or for worse...." Accept your Cross and thank God that you are not confined to a wheelchair slowly dying from MS for 30 years like my wife's aunt was. God gives each of us a special Cross intended to test our love for Him. Love God by acknowledging and welcoming the chance to suffer in small ways in imitation of His infinite suffering for us.

I am the same as you and in a similar situation to the user who made the opening post.

Your words are wise. Easier said than done, as usual.

I congratulate you on 30 years of fight. I have not made it to 10 yet.

May God help us.

Who bombed Pearl Harbour? Were all Japanese involved?

I gave the example of my parents and what caused my father to leave the family home. This isn't mother issues. I  believe that I committed no sin against the 4th commandment. I love my parents and have moved on decades ago.

I hope and pray the originale poster can repair his home. I would rather live in Soviet Russia than suffer the psychological warfare that some women wage on their husbands.

Ok. I apologize for not giving you the benefit of the doubt. 

I pray the same. 

Be sure once it's on the floor that nobody steps on it and for heaven's sake keep the dog away from it..