INTRODUCTION TO THE DEVOUT LIFE
CHAPTER XXXIX
OF THE HONOURABLENESS OF THE MARRIAGE BED
The marriage bed must be undefiled, (Heb. xiii, 4) as the Apostle says—that is to say, exempt from immodesty and other defilements. Thus was marriage first instituted in the earthly paradise where, until the time of the fall, there was no disorder of concupiscence in it, nor anything dishonourable. There is a certain resemblance between the pleasures of the flesh and those of eating, for both of them relate to the flesh, although the former, by reason of their brutish vehemence, are alone called carnal. I will therefore explain what I cannot say of the former by what I shall say of the latter.
1. Eating is ordained for the preservation of life: now, just as eating merely to nourish and preserve life is a thing that is good, holy and commanded, so what is requisite in marriage for the procreation of children and the multiplication of persons is a thing that is good and very holy, for it is the principal end of marriage.
2. To eat, not for the preservation of life, but in order to preserve that mutual intercourse and condescension which we owe one to another, is a very just and right thing: and in the same way, the mutual and legitimate satisfaction of husband and wife is called by St Paul, a debt, (1 Cor. vii, 3) but a debt so binding that he will not allow one of the parties to abstain from rendering it without the free and voluntary consent of the other, not even for the sake of exercises of devotion, which led me to say the word which I said on this subject in the chapter on Holy Communion; how much less, then, may either party excuse himself from rendering the debt to the other from fanciful pretensions to virtue, or from anger and scorn!
3. As those who eat from the duty of mutual intercourse should eat freely and not as it were by constraint, and, moreover, should try to show some appetite, so the marriage debt should always be rendered faithfully, freely, and just as if it were with the hope of begetting children, even though for some reason there may be no such hope.
4. To eat, not for the two former reasons, but merely to satisfy the appetite, cannot be an end sufficient in itself to make an action praiseworthy; it is enough if it is permissible.
5. To eat, not from mere appetite, but to excess and immoderately, is more or less blameworthy, according as the excess is great or small.
6. Now excess in eating consists not only in eating too much, but also in the way and manner of eating. It is a remarkable thing, dear Philothea, that honey, which is so proper and wholesome a food for bees, may nevertheless be so harmful to them that sometimes it makes them ill, as when they eat too much of it in springtime; for it gives them the flux, and sometimes causes them to die irremediably, as when they become covered with honey all over the head and forepart of their body.
Of a truth, nuptial intercourse which is so holy, so just, so commendable, so useful to the commonwealth, is nevertheless in some cases dangerous to those who make use of it: for sometimes it makes their souls very sick with venial sin, as happens by simple excess; and sometimes it causes them to die of mortal sin, as happens when the order established for the procreation of children is violated and perverted; in which case, such sins are always mortal, and they are more or less detestable, according as one departs more or less from this order.
For inasmuch as the procreation of children is the first and principal end of marriage, it is never lawful to depart from the order established for this purpose, though for some accidental cause conception may not be possible, as happens when barrenness or pregnancy prevents procreation and generation; for in such cases the bodily intercourse does not cease to be capable of being just and holy, provided that the laws of generation be preserved, for no circuмstances ever make it lawful to transgress the law which the principal end of marriage has imposed.
Of a truth, the shameful and execrable act committed by Onan in his marriage was detestable in the sight of God, as the holy text says in the thirty-eighth chapter of Genesis; and although certain heretics of our age, a hundred times more to be blamed than the Cynics, of whom St Jerome speaks when commenting on the Epistle to the Ephesians, have tried to prove that it was the perverse intention of this wicked man which displeased God, the Scripture nevertheless speaks quite otherwise, and asserts emphatically that the thing itself which he did was detestable and abominable in the sight of God.
7. It is a true mark of a beggarly, mean, abject and base spirit to think of the dishes and of eating before the time of the repast, and more so still, when afterwards one is taken up with the pleasure which one has had in the meal, dwelling upon it in words and thoughts, and allowing one’s mind to wallow in the remembrance of the pleasure enjoyed in swallowing down the mouthfuls; as do those who before dinner have their mind fastened on the spit, and after dinner on the dishes; persons fit to be scullions, who, as St Paul says, (Phil. iii, 19) make a god of their belly. Persons of honour do not think of the table until they sit down to it, and afterwards they wash their hands and mouth, in order to lose both the taste and the smell of what they have eaten.
The elephant is only a huge animal, but he is the most worthy beast that lives on the earth, and the most intelligent. I will give you an instance of his excellence; he never changes his mate and tenderly loves the one of his choice, with whom nevertheless he mates but every third year, and then for five days only and so secretly that he has never been seen to do so; but he is seen again on the sixth day, on which, before doing anything else, he goes straight to some river wherein he bathes his whole body, for he has no wish to return to the herd until he has purified himself.
Are not these excellent and modest traits in such a beast, by which he invites married persons not to allow their affections to remain attached to the pleasures of sense which they have experienced in accordance with their state of life, but, when these are past, to wash their heart and affection of them, and to purify themselves of them as soon as possible, that afterwards they may perform other actions which are more spiritual and lofty?
In this counsel consists the perfect practice of the excellent doctrine which St Paul gives to the Corinthians: (1 Cor. vii, 29) The time is short; it remaineth that they who have wives be as if they had none. For, according to St Gregory, he has a wife as if he had none, who takes bodily consolations with her in such a way that he is not thereby diverted from spiritual aims; and, what is said of the husband is understood reciprocally of the wife. Let those that use this world be as if they used it not, says the same Apostle. (1 Cor. vii, 31) Let all, then, use the world, each one according to his calling, but in such a way that, by not setting his affection upon it, he may be as free and ready to serve God as if he made no use of it at all. ‘‘It is man’s great ill,” says St Augustine, “‘to wish to enjoy those things which he should only use, and to wish to use those things which he should only enjoy.” We must enjoy spiritual things, and only use corporal things, for when our use of the latter is changed into mere enjoyment, our rational soul is also changed into one that is brutish and bestial.
I think I have said all that I wished to say, and have made clear, without saying it, that which I did not wish to say.
Topic: St. Francis de Sales--Honourableness of the Marriage Bed (Read 657 times)