Send CathInfo's owner Matthew a gift from his Amazon wish list:
https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/25M2B8RERL1UO

Author Topic: Should I force myself to get married with someone?  (Read 5372 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Yeti

  • Supporter
  • *****
  • Posts: 4111
  • Reputation: +2421/-528
  • Gender: Male
Re: Should I force myself to get married with someone?
« Reply #30 on: April 18, 2023, 03:06:10 PM »
  • Thanks!1
  • No Thanks!0
  • As in, THE Beguines?

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beguines_and_Beghards

    Fr. Iscara taught us about these movements... Wikipedia is not God, nor does it tell the whole story in this case. What I remember about them, is these groups believed that once you were "confirmed in the Spirit" or something similar, everything you willed would be good. Essentially, you couldn't sin. At least de-facto.
    .

    Sounds like protestantism.

    To the OP: the normal thing for a young woman who is unable to become a religious and not inclined to marriage is to live with her parents and eventually take care of them in their old age.

    Änσnymσus

    • Guest
    Re: Should I force myself to get married with someone?
    « Reply #31 on: April 18, 2023, 03:10:08 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • Do not get married just to be married. That's horrible and unfair to the man. A lot of women can't go to the convent and the beguine option is one that should be revived.

    It's unfair to the man and to the children.  Part of marriage is being open and honest, and the man will be able to sense, "She married me just for the sake of getting married."


    Änσnymσus

    • Guest
    Re: Should I force myself to get married with someone?
    « Reply #32 on: April 18, 2023, 03:23:02 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • Fortunately, 

    I recently found a young lady to marry. But it came at a cost of me bending over backwards with my moving and job etc. Not to mention I had to wait a while before she warmed up to me. The men have it harder. Trust me. Especially Catholic men not looking for an average modernist woman.

    Änσnymσus

    • Guest
    Re: Should I force myself to get married with someone?
    « Reply #33 on: April 18, 2023, 03:59:27 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • Do not get married just to be married. That's horrible and unfair to the man. A lot of women can't go to the convent and the beguine option is one that should be revived.
    The majority of young men I know have and still are settling for less. A lot of girls that come up to our parish and have married our men were from St. Marys KS and I have to say—these girls were not really friendly. You hug your “guy friend” and the KS girl he’s with gives you one of those sassy smirks as if we were stealing “their man.”

    Unfortunately, a young man I was acquainted with recently married a young girl of 20. He was only with her five months and proposed quickly after. Have to say he was quite embarrassed and red in the face whenever he would bring her to church events, but I know personally he was someone that wanted a girl who would marry him NOW. It is a tragedy because the girl he married was lacking in readiness for Matrimony and she was way too silly. Good luck to him.

    Do not settle for less; do not lower your standards. Do not marry just to be married because everyone else around is married. 

    Änσnymσus

    • Guest
    Re: Should I force myself to get married with someone?
    « Reply #34 on: April 18, 2023, 04:05:26 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • Why is it that so many women are asɛҳuąƖ these days? Completely uninterested in sex, repulsed by it even, in any context, even in the context of marriage? Is there something in the water that only women are drinking? Maybe they should share it with the men, as they don't seem to have this problem with normal sɛҳuąƖ attraction. Their bodies work as God designed. "Be fruitful and multiply". I'm not trying to be mean, and it's almost certainly not your fault, but there is technically something wrong with you. The only question is what. It could be estrogen in the water supply. It could be something related to why you turned down a religious vocation. How did you determine the religious life wasn't your vocation by the way?

    http://www.thecounciloftrent.com/ch24.htm

    CANON X.-If any one saith, that the marriage state is to be placed above the state of virginity, or of celibacy, and that it is not better and more blessed to remain in virginity, or in celibacy, than to be united in matrimony; let him be anathema.


    Änσnymσus

    • Guest
    Re: Should I force myself to get married with someone?
    « Reply #35 on: April 18, 2023, 04:19:04 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • http://www.thecounciloftrent.com/ch24.htm

    CANON X.-If any one saith, that the marriage state is to be placed above the state of virginity, or of celibacy, and that it is not better and more blessed to remain in virginity, or in celibacy, than to be united in matrimony; let him be anathema.

    What is this a rebuttal of? Has any post in this entire thread even hinted that marriage was above the religious life or consecrated virginity? St. Paul made that pretty clear in his epistle. This strikes me as another example of online people arguing with themselves, or against a ghost.

    Änσnymσus

    • Guest
    Re: Should I force myself to get married with someone?
    « Reply #36 on: April 18, 2023, 05:19:29 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • What is this a rebuttal of? Has any post in this entire thread even hinted that marriage was above the religious life or consecrated virginity? St. Paul made that pretty clear in his epistle. This strikes me as another example of online people arguing with themselves, or against a ghost.
    Well, it shows a side of things that seems often overlooked, or that nobody wants to talk about. Shouldn't the better way be promoted instead of the common way of life?

    Änσnymσus

    • Guest
    Re: Should I force myself to get married with someone?
    « Reply #37 on: April 18, 2023, 06:20:21 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • .

    Sounds like protestantism.

    To the OP: the normal thing for a young woman who is unable to become a religious and not inclined to marriage is to live with her parents and eventually take care of them in their old age.
    And after they are gone and she’s the only one left?  If she’s forgone education and has no marketable skills to make a living wage or no pension, no retirement?  In an ideal world, a Catholic family would take her in, but in a time when even Catholic families can’t care for their elderly parents, they’re going to take in a stranger?  
    What people did during the Middle Ages or even in the pre-WWI era when it was common for upper middle class families to have servants really isn’t applicable for the majority of people.


    Offline Simeon

    • Full Member
    • ***
    • Posts: 1358
    • Reputation: +896/-95
    • Gender: Female
    Re: Should I force myself to get married with someone?
    « Reply #38 on: April 18, 2023, 07:36:55 PM »
  • Thanks!4
  • No Thanks!1
  • Why is it that so many women are asɛҳuąƖ these days? Completely uninterested in sex, repulsed by it even, in any context, even in the context of marriage? Is there something in the water that only women are drinking? Maybe they should share it with the men, as they don't seem to have this problem with normal sɛҳuąƖ attraction. Their bodies work as God designed. "Be fruitful and multiply". I'm not trying to be mean, and it's almost certainly not your fault, but there is technically something wrong with you. The only question is what. It could be estrogen in the water supply. It could be something related to why you turned down a religious vocation. How did you determine the religious life wasn't your vocation by the way?

    You have arrived at an unsubstantiated conclusion. Demonstrably, your judgment that the OP is "asɛҳuąƖ" lacks a factual foundation. You entirely fail to distinguish between "asɛҳuąƖ" and "religious calling," or any other possible reason that may lie behind the OP's motives. 

    Thus it appears that you have projected a general opinion you hold about women onto a particular individual, who certainly does not deserve that moniker, simply based on her post. 

    I find your assertion that there is something wrong with her offensive and demeaning. How many rash judging men like you, I wonder, has she already experienced?

    To the OP - follow your heart, and remember what Jesus says: Give Me thy heart. If you suffer because you follow your heart, then you suffer for God, a glorious thing. 

    Offline Nadir

    • Hero Member
    • *****
    • Posts: 11934
    • Reputation: +7293/-500
    • Gender: Female
    Re: Should I force myself to get married with someone?
    « Reply #39 on: April 18, 2023, 09:08:45 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • I used to have an idea to establish a single catholic women household, somewhat similar to a sorority, whoever moves in need to bind to rules, but it's not a religious order, so people don't need to take vows to become a consecrated virgin or so, while they may choose to do so. They can also move out when they find a partner for life, and become consultant for other girls that want to get married. I really think this will be great.
    Am I right in assuming that this is from the OP?

    Quite a few of the religious orders developed out of a small group of women joining in action to achieve a certain good work for the love of God and the salvation of souls under the direction of a holy priest. Louise de Marillac under the direction of St Vincent would be only one example of many. Our Lady’s Nurses of the Poor was started by a bedbound, crippled dwarf, Eileen O’Connor, under the direction of another holy priest. Sadly they are no longer traditional. There is is much to be achieved in our sad world. Start small. Have Courage and do His Will.

    We still don’t know if you actually tried out a vocation or you have discerned your lack of a vocation.

    Someone mentioned the Irish Carmel. Another option could be the Consoling Sisters of the Sacred Heart. My daughter went to India to work with them for 6 months. She was not testing a vocation and later married. Their Mother House is in Italy.

    Just a few thoughts.
    Help of Christians, guard our land from assault or inward stain,
    Let it be what God has planned, His new Eden where You reign.

    +RIP 2024

    Änσnymσus

    • Guest
    Re: Should I force myself to get married with someone?
    « Reply #40 on: April 18, 2023, 09:27:13 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • I'm female in my mid 20s. It has been a while since I was deemed not having a religious vocation by discernment. And ever since then I feel lost. I started to search "in the market" because I felt that was what I was supposed to do- find someone and get married as soon as possible before the traditional men think I am too old to be a good wife material. And I started to talk with the only traditional man that had interest in me. But sometimes I ponder in my heart, I don't feel that much drawn to the ideal of getting married and having children. Sometimes I cry at night feeling sad that I was not able to join a religious order and serve Our Lord solely with all my life, and now I have to either work outside of home to support myself and living alone which has detrimental impact to my both mental, spiritual and physical health, or force myself to get married to someone and live a married life that I am not drawn to (yet?).
    Actually I think if I have a choice, I may even like the idea of Josephite marriage (which I believe most people here are against), or even simply moving in with another like-minded single traditional catholic girl(s) near an active catholic community, support each other and live a life similar to religious life. But it seems totally impractical and impossible to find someone like that :facepalm:.
    The best advice is certainly to do a retreat and put yourself under a spiritual director.
    It sounds to me like God is asking you to carry the cross of the lonely single life, at least for the moment...
    Ah, how many married men and women are reading your post, longing for some of your peace and solitude!!! The irony of life...


    Änσnymσus

    • Guest
    Re: Should I force myself to get married with someone?
    « Reply #41 on: April 19, 2023, 11:02:33 AM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • Women aren't instantly aroused by mere looks. That would be men you're thinking of. Women that are turned on instantly by looks, who use porn, are an aberration or damaged goods. Normal woman with intact feminine nature don't feel the need to catcall men, not even if they're feeling bold or inclined to be rude. A woman who lusts after male complete strangers by mere sight has twisted her nature, much like a man obsessed with being considered pretty. It's not normal. So any woman, the OP included, who finds herself different than a man shouldn't be worried at all.

    Änσnymσus

    • Guest
    Re: Should I force myself to get married with someone?
    « Reply #42 on: April 19, 2023, 11:06:13 AM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • 99 out of 100 elementary school aged girls, ages 7-10, don't look forward to childbirth either. But give it time, maturity, and the right man who she loves, and pretty much every woman is willing to have children.

    Änσnymσus

    • Guest
    Re: Should I force myself to get married with someone?
    « Reply #43 on: April 19, 2023, 11:35:35 AM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • Women aren't instantly aroused by mere looks. That would be men you're thinking of. Women that are turned on instantly by looks, who use porn, are an aberration or damaged goods. Normal woman with intact feminine nature don't feel the need to catcall men, not even if they're feeling bold or inclined to be rude. A woman who lusts after male complete strangers by mere sight has twisted her nature, much like a man obsessed with being considered pretty. It's not normal. So any woman, the OP included, who finds herself different than a man shouldn't be worried at all.

    This wasn't about OP saying she was or was not attracted to a man.  She didn't feel inclined to be married or to have children.  You're completely mischaracterizing the issue.

    Änσnymσus

    • Guest
    Re: Should I force myself to get married with someone?
    « Reply #44 on: April 19, 2023, 12:40:15 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • 99 out of 100 elementary school aged girls, ages 7-10, don't look forward to childbirth either. But give it time, maturity, and the right man who she loves, and pretty much every woman is willing to have children.

    I don't believe that every woman is willing to have children. Those who choose a religious life are not willing to have children. How many women religious have children?