Quote from: Guest

So the solution is what exactly?

Pretend your wife isn't committing a grave sin against you and just "deal with it?"

What does putting her in her place entail?

This is the problem. A man does not have any official power or authority to do this anymore. He cannot threaten her with the law, because the law has abandoned marriage. He cannot threaten her with violence, because that is against the law. A priest ought to rebuke her and cut her off from communion until she repents, but is your priest willing? All this failing, all that the husband can do is to inform the wife of his rights and the injustice of her actions, pray for her, and hope she repents. It may be an emasculating position for a man to be in, but unfortunately that's all this corrupt society has left him with. If she will not here her husband's rebuke, and if there is nobody else (priest, family, friend) to rebuke her, then prayer is the one and only option. But pray regardless.

]I mean it's time for the Ultimatum[/b].

This is what you should say to her and sternly:

"You either have sex with me since it is your Catholic duty and a mortal sin to refuse me or I will separate from you until you can learn some humility and to think of someone else besides yourself (her). This marriage is going downhill and you have no one to blame but yourself. I do my duty by providing, you completely reject yours, which is diabolical!"

Sounds to me like she is manic depressive just from what you've said. Seems like there is something deeply wrong with her but she is not telling you.

It is time to stop being a nice guy to her. Period. Sometimes love means acting in just anger. I have had to do it before with my wife when she started acting that way and she snapped out of it after I laid down the law.

Let me re-iterate this again. Stop being nice to her. Stop being romantic, stop trying to talk to her, stop stop stop stop stop. You have tried all those things. They don't work. What have you not tried?

Ignoring her. Telling her she is being selfish. Putting her in her place. Emotionally detach yourself. She is doing it to you and the more you come groveling back to her, the more power you give her. You have to be your own man. You have to lay down the law. You have to make her realize that she is being a nuclear level PITA.

Does she even go to confession, does she even believe what the Church teaches? From what I read it sounds like she doesn't even have the faith.

Well you have to deliver. Give her one last chance. Lay down the law again, but this time deliver. Say we have sex right now or I'm separating. Move all your stuff into the other room and act like she doesn't exist. She will eventually come around, if not you basically have to move out for a brief period until she repents.

Quote from: Guest

UPDATE:
My questions are, how does one go about a trial separation?  when still living under the same roof? with the goal being to eventually reconcile?  I can't find references on this, so I'm in uncharted waters.

Thanks.

1917 Code of Canon Law

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Canon 1128 - The married couple is obliged to live together in conjugal relations, unless just cause frees them from this obligation.

Canon 1129 - For reason of adultery of one party, the other has the right to solve even for all times the community of life, though the marriage bond remains, unless the other consented to the crime, or was the cause of it, or expressly, or tacitly, condoned it, or, finally, committed the same crime himself, or herself.  Tacit condoning of the crime consists in this that the innocent party, after having become certain of the crime, nevertheless continues to live with the other in marital relations such the law presumes to be the case, unless the innocent part within six months either expel or leave the guilty partner, or bring legal accusation against him, or her.

Canon 1130 - The married person who, either upon sentence of the judge, or by his or her own authority lawfully leaves the guilty party, has no longer obligation to again admit the adulterer to conjugal life; the innocent part, however, has the right to admit the guilty partner, and to oblige him, or her, to return, unless he or she has in the meantime, with the consent of the innocent part, embraced a state of life contrary to marriage.

Canon 1131 - Other reasons for separation:  if one party joins a non-Catholic sect; or educates the offspring as non-Catholics; or leads a criminal and despicable life; or creates great bodily or spiritual danger to the other party; or if through cruelties he or she makes living together too difficult, and other such reasons, which are to the innocent party so many legal causes to leave the guilty party by authority of the Ordinary of the diocese, or also by private authority, if the guilt of the other party is certain beyond doubt, and there is danger in delay.  In all cases the common life must be restored when the reason for the separation ceases; if, however, the separation was pronounced by the bishop either for a time, of indefinitely, the innocent party is not obliged to return except when the time specified has elapsed or the bishop gives orders to return.

Canon 1132 - After the separation, the children are to be placed in charge of the innocent party, and if one of the parties is a non-Catholic the Catholic party is to have charge over them, that they may be raised as Catholics, unless the Ordinary decides differently for the sake of the welfare of the children, always safeguarding their Catholic education.