There is a book called All for the Love of Mothers, by the author Lisbeth Burger, published by Lepanto Press, which addresses this issue very well.  It would be best if parents read it before hand and decide if their daughter is ready to read it.  It is very good and very educational regarding how to recognize a good and not so good man.

At the same time, we do have to be careful about women who report "abusive" husbands ... in general ... since out of the 10 cases of "divorce" I've seen among Trads, in 9 out of the 10, i.e. in all but one case, it was actually the WIFE who was abusive and then falsely accused the husband of abuse simply for not succuмbing to her attempts to control him by nagging and other forms of abuse.  Just like with racial matters, where it's considered impossible for a Black person to be "racist", there's this bias that it's ALWAYS men who are abusive, if not physically, then emotionally and verbally.  I know some women who subject their husbands and children to veritable Chinese water torture with nagging, self-absorption, attempts to control through these means, etc. ... and then when others around her do not submit to these attempts to control, it is SHE who makes the allegation of abuse and "controlling behavior" (aka not submitting to her control = the husband being controlling) ... paying no attention whatsoever for a wife to ultimately submit to her husband in the event of any disagreements, barring some matter of conscience or faith.  These allegations then very quickly escalate, during divorce proceedings, to accusations of physical abuse, at least toward the children, when in most of the cases the mother was far more physical in disciplining the children than the husband was, but would call out every spanking administered by the husband as "abuse" in the legal arena, while paying no mind to slapping the kids up herself.  Men can be subjected to emotional and psychological abuse, and often are ... as even Sacred Scripture calls out in a few spots.

Unfortunately, I'm rather cynical now regarding claims of abuse from women, since I've seen this same thing play out nearly double-digit times now, with the exact same script each and every time.

I've also, of course, know some men who treated their wives like crap, but, strangely, those wives typically did not end up divorcing their husbands.  It's the ones who were in fact the ACTUAL ABUSERS who ended up suing for divorce.

Generally speaking, however, unless a woman is dealing with a relatively extreme and rare deviant, if she could find it within herself to recognize her obligation of obedience, and very respectfully defer to her husband in all things that they disagree on, other than very respectfully matters of conscience, referred to a priest to adjudicate ... there are actually few men who would not cherish such a woman.  In fact, such a women WOULD in fact ironically end up taking control of the husband, since her requests would end up being received by the husband as if they were commands ... and would be a much more effective way of establishing "control" than the typical disobedience, disrespect, and the nagging.  Husbands resent that nonsense, and push back on it, and in many cases, having to listen to that form of psychological torture is what causes them to lash out themselves.

In this regard, the men also have to look out for the signs and the red flags.  I believe that the best way to discern this is to watch the interaction between the young lady's parents.  If her mother has had this habit of "wearing the pants" in the family and telling the husband what to do, then the young lady will enter the marriage with precisely that expectation also, that she would run things, and will not have it any other way, nor will it register to her that it's not the right order of things.  Look out for vanity, being high maintenance, self absorption in all its forms, lack of generosity ... and keep an eye on the mother, and how she treats her husband, i.e. her father.  If you see any of those flags, run, don't walk, but run as quickly as possible in the opposite direction.  If, on the other hand, you see a mother who's respectful and obedient to her husband, and then the young lady herself shows signs of self-sacrifice, giving up what she wants to please others, etc. ... she could be an absolute gem.

No, it wouldn't. But, that is not the topic of this thread. If you would like to discuss  non-local courting, then start a new thread or contact me directly.

It seems pretty relevant. How would your list play out if the relationship was long distance?

We teach our older children the red flags and what narcissistic personality disorder is. Boys also have to be aware so as to avoid marrying the wrong woman. Especially we talk to them about people seeming very agreeable and ‘love bombing’ you then showing their true colours later on. That’s why it’s important to spend a lot of time together before deciding to marry.

Yes I agree because my sister, who grew up in the same abusive household as me, married 2.5 months after meeting her husband.  They have been together 26 years.  But in my case it was 3 weeks in and he was pushing marriage.  And I mean pushing.

And to Lads point, yes I thought I could withstand his crudeness the way I took my father's beatings without crying.  I trained myself to not flinch or cry when Dad hit me so as to deny him that pleasure.  I would stare blankly at him.  When I became a teenager, I would attack him back and it helped a bit.  So, this fellow, as I said, seemed manageable.  I never dreamed he would turn his cruelty on our child when he realized he couldn't upset me.  My children are my weak spot.

Yes I agree because my sister, who grew up in the same abusive household as me, married 2.5 months after meeting her husband.  They have been together 26 years.  But in my case it was 3 weeks in and he was pushing marriage.  And I mean pushing.

And to Lads point, yes I thought I could withstand his crudeness the way I took my father's beatings without crying.  I trained myself to not flinch or cry when Dad hit me so as to deny him that pleasure.  I would stare blankly at him.  When I became a teenager, I would attack him back and it helped a bit.  So, this fellow, as I said, seemed manageable.  I never dreamed he would turn his cruelty on our child when he realized he couldn't upset me.  My children are my weak spot.