Burden him.

Newsflash for some of these priests:  the ability to confect the Sacrarments was NOT given to you for you own personal glory, but for the good of the faithful.

I fear greatly for their particular judgment. I do not envy priests in that regard.

If then there were only the responsibility of the office itself for people to run after in the episcopate, none would be so quick to accept it. But as things go, we run after this, just as we do after the dignities of the world. That we may have glory with men, we lose ourselves with God. What profit in such honor? How self-evident its nothingness is! When you covet the episcopal rank, put in the other scale, the account to be rendered after this life. Weigh against it, the happiness of a life free from toil, take into account the different measure of the punishment. I mean, that even if you have sinned, but in your own person merely, you will have no such great punishment, nothing like it: but if you have sinned as bishop, you are lost. Remember what Moses endured, what wisdom he displayed, what good deeds he exhibited: but, for committing one sin only, he was bitterly punished; and with good reason; for this fault was attended with injury to the rest. Not in regard that the sin was public, but because it was the sin of a spiritual Ruler (ί ερέως) cf. S.); for in truth we do not pay the same penalty for public and for hidden faults. Augustine in Psalm 99:6 The sin may be the same, but not the (ζημία) harm of it; nay, not the sin itself; for it is not the same thing to sin in secret and unseen, and to sin openly. But the bishop cannot sin unobserved. Well for him if he escape reproach, though he sin not; much less can he think to escape notice, if he do sin. Let him be angry, let him laugh, or let him but dream of a moment's relaxation, many are they that scoff, many that are offended, many that lay down the law, many that bring to mind the former bishops, and abuse the present one; not that they wish to sound the praise of those; no, it is only to carp at him that they bring up the mention of fellow bishops, of presbyters. Sweet, says the proverb, is war to the inexperienced; but it may rather be said now, that even after one has come out of it, people in general have seen nothing of it: for in their eyes it is not war, but like those shepherds in Ezekiel, we slay and devour. Ezekiel 34:2 Which of us has it in his power to show that he has taken as much care for the flocks of Christ, as Jacob did for Laban's? Genesis 31:40 Which of us can tell of the frost of the night? For talk not to me of vigils, and all that parade. The contrary plainly is the fact. Prefects, and governors (ὕ παρχοι καὶ τοπάρχαι) of provinces, do not enjoy such honour as he that governs the Church. If he enter the palace, who but he is first? If he go to see ladies, or visit the houses of the great, none is preferred to him. The whole state of things is ruined and corrupt. I do not speak thus as wishing to put us bishops to shame, but to repress your hankering after the office. For with what conscience, (even should you succeed in becoming a bishop, having made interest for it either in person or by another), with what eyes will you look the man in the face who worked with you to that end? What will you have to plead for your excuse? For he that unwillingly, by compulsion and not with his own consent, was raised to the office, may have something to say for himself, though for the most part even such an one has no pardon to expect, and yet truly he so far has something to plead in excuse. Think how it fared with Simon Magus. What signifies it that you give not money, if, in place of money, you pay court, you lay many plans, you set engines to work? Your money perish with you! Acts 8:20 Thus was it said to him, and thus will it be said to these: your canvassing perish with you, because you have thought to purchase the gift of God by human intrigue! But there is none such here? And God forbid there should be! For it is not that I wish anything of what I have been saying to be applicable to you: but just now the connection has led us on to these topics. In like manner when we talk against covetousness, we are not preaching at you, no, nor against any one man personally. God grant it may be the case, that these remedies were prepared by us without necessity. The wish of the physician is, that after all his pains, his drugs may be thrown away because not wanted: and this is just what we desire, that our words may not have been needed, and so have been spoken to the wind, so as to be but words. I am ready to submit to anything, rather than be reduced to the necessity of using this language. But if you like, we are ready to leave off; only let our silence be without bad effects. No one, I imagine, though he were ever so vainglorious, would wish to make a display of severity, when there is nothing to call for it. I will leave the teaching to you: for that is the best teaching, which teaches by actions. For indeed the best physicians, although the sickness of their patients brings them in fees, would rather their friends were well. And so we too wish all to be well. 2 Corinthians 13:7 It is not that we desire to be approved, and you reproved. I would gladly manifest, if it were possible, with my very eyes, the love which I bear to you: for then no one would be able to reproach me, though my language were ever so rough. For speech of friends, yea, were it insult, can be borne; more faithful are the wounds of a friend, rather than the ready kisses of an enemy. Proverbs 27:6 There nothing I love more than you, no, not even light itself. I would gladly have my eyes put out ten thousand times over, if it were possible by this means to convert your souls; so much is your salvation dearer to me than light itself. For what profit to me in the rays of the sun, when despondency on your account makes it all thick darkness before my eyes? Light is good when it shines in cheerfulness, to a sorrowful heart it seems even to be a trouble. How true this is, may you never learn by experience! However, if it happen to any of you to fall into sin, just stand by my bedside, when I am laid down to rest and should be asleep; see whether I am not like a palsied man, like one beside himself, and, in the language of the prophet, the light of my eyes, it also is gone from me. Psalm 38:10 For where is our hope, if you do not make progress? Where our despondency, if you do excellently? I seem to have wings, when I hear anything good of you. Fulfil ye my joy. Philippians 2:2 This one thing is the burden of my prayers, that I long for your advancement. But that in which I strive with all is this, that I love you, that I am wrapped up in you, that you are my all, father, mother, brethren, children. Think not then that anything that has been said was said in a hostile spirit, nay, it is for your amendment. It is written A brother assisted by his brother is as a strong city. Proverbs 18:19 Then do not take it in disdain: for neither do I undervalue what you have to say. I should wish even to be set right by you. For all (Edd. 'all we') you are brethren, and One is our Master: yet even among brothers it is for one to direct, while the others obey. Then disdain it not, but let us do all to the glory of God, for to Him belongs glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Undoubtedly due to the sins which stain my soul, God has given me a portion of the recompense which I deserve.

Yet, even this wretched and miserable sinner kindly requests the mercy of His Lord & Father the same way that a child begs for forgiveness from his parents. May God have compassion and mercy upon this most unworthy son.

Starting last year, I developed dysautonomia. I constantly have extreme fatigue, pain, heart palpitations, marked blood pressure fluctuations, syncope, cognitive issues, anxiety, and general autonomic abnormalities.

It has become very difficult over the past few months especially. It has gotten to the point that I am afraid to go to Mass & Confession because I am afraid that I may faint. I am the only Catholic in my family and I have no friends I can rely on to help me. My wife and I separated due to my conversion so I am all out of options.

I feel great guilt that I’m not going to the Holy Sacrifice or to the House of God. I feel miserable because I know I deserve all of this and infinitely more yet I complain. I want to be a better Christian though, but how can I do it if I am stuck at home all of the time?

Please pray that God may forgive me my sins and have mercy on me. Please pray for the intercessions of Our Lady. Also please pray to my patron Saint, Bernard of Clairvaux.

Even more than Priests, Bishops & Popes:

“I do not think there are many among Bishops that will be saved, but many more that perish: and the reason is, that it is an affair that requires a great mind. Many are the exigencies which throw a man out of his natural temper; and he had need have a thousand eyes on all sides. Do you not see what a number of qualifications the Bishop must have? To be apt to teach, patient, holding fast the faithful word in doctrine see 1 Timothy 3:2-9; Titus 1:7-9. What trouble and pains does this require! And then, others do wrong, and he bears all the blame. To pass over every thing else: if one soul depart unbaptized, does not this subvert all his own prospect of salvation? The loss of one soul carries with it a penalty which no language can represent.

For if the salvation of that soul was of such value, that the Son of God became man, and suffered so much, think how sore a punishment must the losing of it bring! And if in this present life he who is cause of another's destruction is worthy of death, much more in the next world. Do not tell me, that the presbyter is in fault, or the deacon. The guilt of all these comes perforce upon the head of those who ordained them.

Let me mention another instance. It chances, that a bishop has inherited from his predecessor a set of persons of indifferent character. What measures is it proper to take in respect of bygone transgressions (for here are two precipices) so as not to let the offender go unpunished, and not to cause scandal to the rest? Must one's first step be to cut him off? There is no actual present ground for that. But is it right to let him go unmarked? Yes, say you; for the fault rests with the bishop who ordained him. Well then? Must one refuse to ordain him again, and to raise him to a higher degree of the ministry? That would be to publish it to all men, that he is a person of indifferent character, and so again one would cause scandal in a different way. But is one to promote him to a higher degree? That is much worse.”


St. John Chrysostom, Homily III on Acts 1:12.2

I kindly ask that you all keep me in your prayers.

I have enjoyed the past few days on here, but unfortunately my body just isn’t cooperating with me. Therefore, I will likely not be logging on anymore after today in order to preserve what little energy I have for other endeavors. It was a pleasure meeting you all and talking with you. There are so many holy and good people here. Truly, may God Bless you all.

I love you all in Christ, my brothers and sisters.

Yours in Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.