I am having troubles with the devil. He is tricking me. He tempts me and when he does I do not know right from wrong and sometimes I do bad things while thinking they are not bad. So I do not know what I am doing when this happens. It is not that I want to do bad and do it. It is that he tricks me into thinking objectively bad actions are good and I do them, not knowing right from wrong. Or perhaps I am imagining things. I do not know the level of sin when this happens. Please pray that I do better.

That's enough about me, now for us. Please pray for all of us in the New York City area. We need your prayers. It is hard being a Catholic in New York City. But we have family here and friends to convert.

Matto, I would start with checking with your doctor about those "prescription drugs" you told us you were taking.  I'm concerned.

 

 

 

Thank you for your prayers, everyone.

My hiatus was because I was ill and was hospitalized. I was also spiritually ill and fell into mortal sin. Then I made a good confession and got well and got out of the hospital and was able to start attending Mass again. My hospital stay was harrowing. I will not disclose exactly what medicines I am taking but I have discussed my problems more than I probably should, and they are not a secret. I am not well, but I am trying to get better. I do not think my issue is my medication as I feel alright there, I do believe it is a spiritual problem, basically having strange temptations late at night.

I believe I am well considering the crosses I have to bear, but I feel strange temptations, especially at night time. I don't know if it is the world, the flesh or the devil, but I think it is the devil. I am also feeling rather childish. Wanting to read and write faerie tales, play the guitar, and write poetry, and take pictures of flowers and watch animals (and watch people, especially children and women [I love women so, so much, which is dangerous]). Kind of like the idea of being a fool for Christ. I am not worried about that. And I want to get married now (which is new for me), though in a scientific way that would seem unlikely, but God is not a scientist. I also have a disturbing novel to finish. I am also trying to be better to my parents.

Through prayer and meditation I have also changed my ideas about the whole Church situation. Now I believe sedevacantism is wrong, but that many sedevacantists are good Catholics. I do attend an SSPX chapel but still love Bishop Williamson. I still think the Novus Ordo is bad, but I believe it is often valid. So I will visit the Blessed Sacrament in my local parish and pray before Him.

I have more hope now than I ever have in my life. I am happier than I ever have been. I believe I am doing well spiritually. But there are temptations and mine are strange and humiliating.

My new avatar is from my garden. I am growing wildflowers from seeds. So far there are white ones, yellow ones, fuchsia ones, and red ones. I figure it is more fitting than a picture of Jesus, even though it is one of my favorite pictures of Jesus.

My biggest problem is I am too trusting. I cannot discern. I let God in but I leave the door open and sometimes the devil comes to me. Or at least that is how it seems. I am too trusting. My Father calls me naive. He says people can smell my naivite.

The posts about animals are very good I think and I am proud of them. Please try to appreciate them. I put a lot of heart into them.

But thank you for your prayers. We are trying to convert my neighborhood, Richmond Hill, and make it a good place.

My blog seems to be becoming a collection of a diary, poetry, and riddles. It is a niche project, not meant to become popular. 

Praying for poor drugged Matto in liberal New York where they fear candle hells.