You’re way overthinking it. Not your job. Just pray, go to mass and get closer to God. For you, at this time in your life, all the rest is a distraction.
That's mindless: "Not your job. Just pray, go to mass ... "
We have to use the brain God gave us, to act rationally. In the case of sacraments we have to do without in case of any doubt. And that doesn't depend on seal or not seal.
Cryptinox, you have to get rid of your doubts, or relinquish. There is no alternative.
Your decision to be a Catholic needs your own personal conscious consent.
Your decision to reject the Novus Ordo needs your own personal conscious consent.
Your decision to receive sacraments wherever needs your own personal conscious consent.
You'll be judged, we all will be.