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Author Topic: In Search of the Perfect Priest  (Read 1045 times)

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Offline Matthew

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In Search of the Perfect Priest
« on: November 19, 2018, 10:01:56 AM »
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    • The Perfect Priest

    The results of a computerized survey indicate the perfect priest preaches exactly fifteen minutes. He condemns sins but never upsets anyone. He works from 8:00 AM until midnight and is also a janitor. He makes $50 a week, wears good clothes, buys good books, drives a good car, and gives about $50 weekly to the poor. He is 28 years old and has preached 30 years. He has a burning desire to work with teenagers and spends all of his time with senior citizens.

    The perfect priest smiles all the time with a straight face because he has a sense of humor that keeps him seriously dedicated to his work. He makes 15 calls daily on parish families, shut-ins and the hospitalized, and is always in his office when needed.

    If your priest does not measure up, simply send this letter to six other churches that are tired of their priest, too. Then bundle up your priest and send him to the church on the top of the list. In one week, you will receive 1,643 priests and one of them will be perfect. Have faith in this procedure.

    One parish broke the chain and got its old priest back in less than three weeks.
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    Offline Matthew

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    Re: In Search of the Perfect Priest
    « Reply #1 on: November 19, 2018, 10:05:28 AM »
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    • I love jokes like this -- for many reasons.

    1. Funny because it's true
    2. Pokes holes in the myth of the "infallibility" of the mob's judgment
    3. This portrait of the perfect priest, though obviously a joke, could have been cobbled together from ACTUAL RESPONSES of 1000 people, if you asked each of them what their ideal priest would be like.
    4. You can't please everyone.
    5. Many things you seek are self-contradictory (this goes for other things besides the ideal priest -- for example, "the ideal husband")
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    Offline 2Vermont

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    Re: In Search of the Perfect Priest
    « Reply #2 on: November 19, 2018, 10:11:01 AM »
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    • Heh, I think expectations are probably different/have changed for those of us who don't have a choice.  These days, my expectations are fairly basic:  he's actually a true priest and he's Catholic.
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    For there shall arise false Christs and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders, insomuch as to deceive (if possible) even the elect. (Matthew 24:24)

    Offline Matthew

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    Re: In Search of the Perfect Priest
    « Reply #3 on: November 19, 2018, 10:15:58 AM »
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    • Quote from: 2Vermont on November 19, 2018, 10:11:01 AM
    Heh, I think expectations are probably different/have changed for those of us who don't have a choice.  These days, my expectations are fairly basic:  he's actually a true priest and he's Catholic.

    But having run CathInfo for 12 years, I'm quite familiar with how critical actual, flesh-and-blood Catholics are about their priests. Sometimes the criticisms are mutually contradictory: in many cases, the priest is "damned if he does, damned if he doesn't". People will always find some thing -- large or small -- to criticize.

    That's why we need to be more forgiving and understanding about our priests. They're only human beings. Unless they are committing serious evils (scandals, slandering other priests, causing unnecessary division and hatred among Catholics, etc.), we should cut them some slack. And in any case (even if they are evil) we should certainly pray for them.

    And at all times, we should be willing to "give the devil his due" when it comes to priests. If a priest does a moderately bad thing, for example he refuses to submit himself to any faithful Traditional Bishop anywhere in the world, he still might have many good qualities. Perhaps he is still well-trained as a Traditional priest, with an impeccably valid ordination, faithful to the Traditional cause, and he might be doing a lot of good with the Faithful; he's just a bit headstrong and lacks the virtue of obedience. In other words, we should keep things in perspective.

    People love to turn everything into black and white, a bunch of spotless saints on one side, and a bunch of incarnate devils on the other side. The real world is much more complicated than that.

    Nowadays, if a priest doesn't perfectly agree with all of one's opinions important or otherwise -- or if he fails to align himself with your favorite group -- he's flawed merchandise if not an outright villain.
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    Offline 2Vermont

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    Re: In Search of the Perfect Priest
    « Reply #4 on: November 19, 2018, 11:25:08 AM »
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    • I'm not doubting this happens, but I suspect that it happens more often with those who have easy, regular access to a true Catholic priest.
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    For there shall arise false Christs and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders, insomuch as to deceive (if possible) even the elect. (Matthew 24:24)

    Offline Alan

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    Re: In Search of the Perfect Priest
    « Reply #5 on: November 19, 2018, 08:38:50 PM »
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    • Quote from: Matthew on November 19, 2018, 10:01:56 AM
    The Perfect Priest

    The results of a computerized survey indicate the perfect priest preaches exactly fifteen minutes. He condemns sins but never upsets anyone. He works from 8:00 AM until midnight and is also a janitor. He makes $50 a week, wears good clothes, buys good books, drives a good car, and gives about $50 weekly to the poor. He is 28 years old and has preached 30 years. He has a burning desire to work with teenagers and spends all of his time with senior citizens.

    The perfect priest smiles all the time with a straight face because he has a sense of humor that keeps him seriously dedicated to his work. He makes 15 calls daily on parish families, shut-ins and the hospitalized, and is always in his office when needed.

    If your priest does not measure up, simply send this letter to six other churches that are tired of their priest, too. Then bundle up your priest and send him to the church on the top of the list. In one week, you will receive 1,643 priests and one of them will be perfect. Have faith in this procedure.

    One parish broke the chain and got its old priest back in less than three weeks.
    It has to be a joke.

    By the way, we are always looking for the perfect priest, perfect politician, perfect wife, but we don't even try to be good men ourselves.
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    Offline Matthew

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    Re: In Search of the Perfect Priest
    « Reply #6 on: November 20, 2018, 03:16:30 PM »
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    • Quote from: Alan on November 19, 2018, 08:38:50 PM
    It has to be a joke.

    By the way, we are always looking for the perfect priest, perfect politician, perfect wife, but we don't even try to be good men ourselves.
    You think?
    Of course it's a joke. I would have thought that goes without saying.
    But it's a clever, satirical joke, "funny because it's true".
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    Offline Vintagewife3

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    Re: In Search of the Perfect Priest
    « Reply #7 on: November 20, 2018, 08:08:18 PM »
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    • This is such a funny, but not funny because it’s true post. So, many people have crazy requirements for priest. Like the priest is there for only their service.
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    Offline trad123

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    Re: In Search of the Perfect Priest
    « Reply #8 on: November 21, 2018, 12:26:38 AM »
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    • https://archive.org/details/BlessedSacramentBook/page/n591

    Blessed Sacrament Book by Fr. Lasance

    p. 570

    Necessity of Prayer and Penance: The Spirit of the Contemplative Life

    (. . .)


    Quote
    Our Lord tells us that there is an abundant harvest and that the workers are few. One might fancy that He would go on to bid His apostles hasten to gather in the harvest. As the harvest is abundant and the workers are too few, the natural conclusion at which we should arrive, would be: 'Hasten, therefore, and busy yourselves about the harvest.' But God's conclusion is: 'Pray, therefore, pray the Lord of the harvest to send forth laborers into His harvest' (Matt.ix. 38.)

    There is much work to be done, and for that reason there is great need of prayer—such is the divine argument. And for what are we to pray? That the Lord may send forth laborers. Our Lord does not tell us to have recourse to prayer in order to find peace in it—to fold our arms quietly and not trouble about the harvest—to secure our personal salvation comfortably, being sheltered from sun and rain. No indeed. He means prayer to be a work of apostolic devotion—the first and foremost of such works, inasmuch as it precedes and procures the sending forth of the laborers. Two things are needful—prayer and laborers; prayer comes first and the laborers follow, and they will not come at all if there has been no prayer; and, in the same way, if prayer does not call forth laborers, it has failed in its object.

    Here, then, we have an indication of the union of the two ministries and of their co-operation in the great task of gathering in a harvest of souls. They ought never to be separated, as, when deprived of mutual support, one loses its life and the other its object.
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    2 Corinthians 4:3-4 

    And if our gospel be also hid, it is hid to them that are lost, In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of unbelievers, that the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God, should not shine unto them.

    Offline forlorn

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    Re: In Search of the Perfect Priest
    « Reply #9 on: January 15, 2019, 02:56:17 PM »
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    • It's crazy how critical and picky some people can be of their priests at what's probably our biggest shortage of them for hundreds of years in America, and for a millenium in Europe.
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    Offline B from A

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    Re: In Search of the Perfect Priest
    « Reply #10 on: January 15, 2019, 03:02:53 PM »
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    • This might fit here too: 

    Quote
    The Priest Is Never Right

    If he is happy.........he is a nuisance.
    If he is austere......... he is bad tempered.

    If he is handsome......... why didn't he marry.
    If he is ugly ......... nobody loved him.

    If he is fat ......... he eats too much.
    If he is thin......... he is stingy.

    If he is tall......... he looks down on people.
    If he is short......... he looks like an altar boy.

    If he owns a car......... he likes material things.
    If he walks......... he is old-fashioned.

    If he visits the faithful......... he meddles in other people's business.
    If he stays in the rectory......... he is an introvert.

    If he talks about Heaven......... he is a modernist.
    If he talks about Hell......... he is a Jansenist.

    If he preaches long sermons......... he is boring.
    If he preaches short sermons......... he doesn't want to get tired.

    If he speaks normally......... you cant understand what he says.
    If he raises his voice......... he screams.

    If he asks for donations......... he is greedy.
    If he doesn't ask for donations......... his bank account should be checked.

    If he fixes up the chapel......... he doesn't care about peoples money.
    If he doesn't fix up the chapel......... he doesn't care about the chapel.

    If he is young......... he lacks experience.
    If he is old......... he should retire.
    If he is in between.........  he is in a critical age.

    Do as he may......... or even if he does nothing, *he will never be right* !

    But if he leaves......... who will take his place ?

    Pray for him and help him
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