'I cast myself down I know not how, under a certain fig-tree, giving full vent to my tears; and the floods of mine eyes gushed out an acceptable sacrifice to Thee. And, not indeed in these words, yet to this purpose, spake I much unto Thee: and Thou, O Lord, how long? how long, Lord, wilt Thou be angry for ever? Remember not our former iniquities, for I felt that I was held by them. I sent up these sorrowful words: How long, how long, "to-morrow, and tomorrow?" Why not now? why not is there this hour an end to my uncleanness?

So was I speaking and weeping in the most bitter contrition of my heart, when, lo! I heard from a neighbouring house a voice, as of boy or girl, I know not, chanting, and oft repeating, "Take up and read; Take up and read." [tolle, lege; tolle, lege.] Instantly, my countenance altered, I began to think most intently whether children were wont in any kind of play to sing such words: nor could I remember ever to have heard the like. So checking the torrent of my tears, I arose; interpreting it to be no other than a command from God to open the book, and read the first chapter I should find. For I had heard of Antony, that coming in during the reading of the Gospel, he received the admonition, as if what was being read was spoken to him: Go, sell all that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven, and come and follow me: and by such oracle he was forthwith converted unto Thee. Eagerly then I returned to the place where Alypius was sitting; for there had I laid the volume of the Apostle when I arose thence. I seized, opened, and in silence read that section on which my eyes first fell: Not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying; but put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, in concupiscence. No further would I read; nor needed I: for instantly at the end of this sentence, by a light as it were of serenity infused into my heart, all the darkness of doubt vanished away.'

St. Augustine

'When the old man [Abba Moses] saw us marveling at this and still longing to hear more, he was silent for a short while and then said: "Your longing has made me speak at length, and yet you are still eager for more; and from this I see that you are truly thirsty to be taught about perfection. So I would like to talk to you about the special virtue of discrimination. This is a kind of acropolis or queen among the virtues; and I will show you its excellence and value, not only in my own words, but also through the venerable teachings of the fathers; for the Lord fills His teachers with grace according to the quality and longing of those who listen.

I remember how in my youth, when I was in the Thebaid, where the blessed Antony used to live, some elders came to see him, to enquire with him into the question of perfection in virtue. They asked him: 'Which is the greatest of all virtues - we mean the virtue capable of keeping a monk from being harmed by the nets of the devil and his deceit?' Each one then gave his opinion according to his understanding. Some said that fasting and the keeping of vigils make it easier to come near to God, because these refine and purify the mind. Others said that voluntary poverty and detachment from personal possessions make it easier, since through these the mind is released from the intricate threads of worldly care. Others judged acts of compassion to be the most important, since in the Gospel the Lord says: 'Come, you whom my Father has blessed, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave Me food' and so on (Matt. 25: 34-36). The best part of the night was passed in this manner, taken up with a discussion in which each expressed his opinion as to which virtue makes it easiest for a man to come near to God.

Last of all the blessed Antony gave his reply: 'All that you have said is both necessary and helpful for those who are searching for God and wish to come to Him. But we cannot award the first place to any of these virtues; for there are many among us who have endured fasting and vigils, or have withdrawn into the desert, or have practiced poverty to such an extent that they have not left themselves enough for their daily sustenance, or have performed acts of compassion so generously that they no longer have anything to give; and yet these same monks, having done all this, have nevertheless fallen away miserably from virtue and slipped into vice.

What was it, then, that made them stray from the straight path? In my opinion it was simply that they did not possess the grace of discrimination; for it is this virtue that teaches a man to walk along the royal road, swerving neither to the right through immoderate self-control, nor to the left through indifference and laxity. Discrimination is a kind of eye and lantern of the soul, as is said in the gospel passage: 'The light of the body is the eye; if therefore your eye is pure, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is evil, your whole body will be full of darkness' (Matt. 6:22-3). And this is just what we find; for the power of discrimination, scrutinizing all the thoughts and actions of a man, distinguishes and sets aside everything that is base and not pleasing to God, and keeps him free from delusion."'

St. John Cassian

I recommend opening the quotations of the saints and seeking answers, as St. Augustine once opened the Holy Scriptures.

They are saints.  Of course they are from the same Tree.   :smile:

They are saints.  Of course they are from the same Tree.   :smile:

Haha, yes, let me put it this way, who is the branch before both of these shoots? :D

Is this the same St Moses the Black who was a thief, became a monk, and then was martyred defending the monastery? I remember reading a story along those lines some time ago.

Yes this is the one who was a notorious thief. The story of his before and after is something to read, the Holy Palladios writes of it. I do not recall the story of his death however, you say he was martyred defending a monastery?

I think it likely he stayed behind to be martyred when others fled the barbarians. I would have to look it up. Hmm. Ah yes that appears to be one story of his death. Some stayed behind to gain the crown, some did not, and I think one who could not embrace the crown watched and so we have the story?

That truly sounds inspiring.

There are many stories of St. Moses in the records of the desert fathers. They are always quite worth reading.

Well, I suppose I should look up a little. Let's see what I have on the shelf.

The following is told about Abba Moses [the Black]: When he became a clergyman and his vestments were put on him, the Archbishop said to him: "Now you have become completely white." To this Abba Moses responded: "Alas, did the Pope [Patriarch in this case, as they are called] ordain the inner or the outer man?"

Wishing to test him, the Archbishop told the other clergy, "When Abba Moses enters the Holy Altar, throw him out; but follow him, to see what he says."

So then, when he came into the Altar, they chided him and threw him out. He, on exiting, said to himself: "They treated you correctly, you black-skinned Negro. Since you are not a human, why should you expect to be among humans?"

... [speaking of this event] ...

[Evagrios] said, "No one speaks falsely, except him who praises and blesses me; and no one tells the truth, except for those who condemn me and insult me. And the latter do not tell the whole truth, since they do not know the hidden things of my heart. If they were to acquire the ability to know -- let me not say all, but just a small part of it -- my evil deeds, surely they would dismiss me as a slime, a foul odor, or an evil spirit. And even if the whole body of mankind were to become tongues, so as to accuse me of my shortcomings, it would not be possible to describe, to the extent deserved, my disgrace."

"For if the righteous Job said, "I am filled with disgrace." (Job 10:15) and he was to no great extent so 'filled', what can I say, who am an entire sea of every evil? The Devil has lowered us down to every kind of sin. Do we not have a responsibility, then, to know that we have been so debased? Those who know themselves well shatter Satan, who shattered them. As the Fathers have said, when his humility reaches down to Hell, the humble man is raised up to the Heavens; just as, on the contrary, when pride reaches up to the Heavens, the prideful man is hurled down to Hell.

And this Father said in conclusion, "Who can force a humble man to bring into his mind thoughts against any one? For whatever grief a humble man suffers or hears about, he takes it as an opportunity to demean and to deride himself, as Abba Moses did; that is, when the clergy once threw him out of the Holy Altar and insulted him, he insulted himself even more strongly than they had insulted him. And if someone should succeed in upsetting a humble man by an attack or injustice visited upon him, he immediately takes refuge in prayer, by which he quickly soothes his heart. And not this alone; but, at the very moment that he becomes upset, he vehemently censures himself, continuously checking himself, and saying to his soul: "Why, my wretched soul, are you acting crazy? Why have you become upset, like those who foam at the mouth? With precisely this upset you show that you are ill; for, if you were not ill, you would not have felt pain. Why, hapless soul, have you forsaken self-reproach for condemnation of your brother, since it was he who revealed your illness, which was hidden within you and of which you were ignorant until now?"

"Imitate Christ, Who, when He was mocked, did not retaliate with ridicule, being unmenancing at what He suffered at the hands of the Pharisees and high priests. Listen to what is said and put it into practice: "I gave My back to the smiters, and My cheeks to them that plucked off the hair: I hid not My face from shame and spitting." (Isaiah 50:6).

And you wretch, because of one attack, sit and concoct numberless thoughts against your brother (who benefited you by a small blow against your self-respect), not understanding that, like the demons, you thus cause harm to yourself. For what more harm can the demons do to you than the injury you have brought on yourself, thoughtless and ill-fated as you are?"