Spouse_of_Jesus said:So, yes, may be it has something to do with spiritual side of a person.
That's what I thought, but often I make assumptions about people that aren't correct. So I am going slowly.
It is too bad you don't have a confessor because you would be able to tell him things you probably wouldn't share on a website, and hopefully he'd be able to help you.
It doesn't sound from what you've said that you are having a problem with guilt. I know you have struggled with desires in the past, and been in danger of mortal sin. But I think if you fell into a habit of mortal sin you would probably have much worse symptoms than you are having. You'd probably be half insane.
"Because one is full of anger, aggression and all kinds of foolishness and impatience when it happens. Despair and gloom also are an integral part of it."
You are probably very difficult and your nature is many-sided. You strike me as quite neurotic. But you must fight against all your weakness and self-indulgence. Through the help of prayer, you have to mold yourself into what God likes -- uncomplaining, disciplined, patient, optimistic, accepting ( kind of the opposite of how you just described yourself! ) "Iron out" your neuroses. Don't flatter yourself that they make you interesting, because they don't.
You have a dark side; if no one has told you that before, you're hearing it now! Maybe this is something you don't want to face about yourself, but if you don't face it, God can't help you drive it away.
I think as a Catholic life is very simple; it is about longsuffering and patience. God says "Be meek, take up your cross, and at the end of life, I will let you into heaven." But maybe we don't want that. We want more out of this life on Earth that we have right now. It is incredibly difficult to actually accept that we are small, insignificant creatures living small, insignificant lives, and all that makes us BIG is that God potentially can give us immortality. We want to do things our way, not His way, and are constantly fighting against Him. This can lead to anxiety.
Something like that may be going on with you. You may be pushing against God. Undoubtedly you are also dealing with boredom and despair over the state of the world and what is happening in the Church, and that is something all of us have to deal with. But to have anxiety attacks seems like there is something in your personal life that is bothering you, My guess is that you are resisting God's design for you somehow, even if it's just that He wants to give you peace but you prefer to burrow into your despair. Maybe you are not satisfied living a peaceful, ordinary life, but you make things difficult for yourself so that God can then leap in and save you like Superman. Maybe you have made yourself into a perpetual damsel-in-distress.
I mean, what do you really have to despair about? God has done you great favors, you have been given the gift of faith out of nowhere.