I must play in a solo piano recital very soon and I am very unprepared. I've changed the program so much that only within the past month or so has it been final.

Just last week, I was seriously considering breaking one of my fingers with a hammer or by twisting it back to avoid playing, but I'm glad that I delayed doing that until I came back to my senses.

The repertoire I am playing is difficult and at this point, I am afraid that I lack confidence that I can do some of the pieces justice in public performance. Had I listened to my teacher and been diligent in practicing, this could have been easily avoided. At this now, I will vow never to let this happen again. This has pushed me to the limits of my sanity almost!

Please pray!

 

 

 

I am praying that, A., you don't hurt yourself, for crying out loud, and that, B., the Spirit grants you peace so that you might be calm and collected in front of those people, which will, if not improve your playing, keep you from making mistakes because of your nerves.

For it is not you that speak, but the Spirit of your Father that speaketh in you. Matt 10:20

For it is not you that [play], but the Spirit of your Father that [playeth] in you. Fixed!

Have you considered dedicating the performance to Our Lord and Lady, and playing to them, not to the audience?

Thank you everyone.

Confidence is not there yet...will update.

 

I am becoming physically sick from anxiety. Though I sit at the piano for hours, I can hardly concentrate. My back aches from sitting so long. I have jammed my fingers into the black keys, almost injuring them, on several occasions. On some of my fingers, the skin on the tips has been worn away from playing for hours on end and the delicate skin underneath hurts when I play...Now I have a massive headache.

I've become so dejected that I sometimes wish that I had nothing to do with music. I see others so talented and faced with greater difficulty and do not burn out, but I am so mediocre and lazy. Even I get through with the recital, my teacher will be ashamed and I will disgrace the composer's whose music I will play. I will be disgusted with my own performance since it will be so horrible. The musicians in the audience will see through the average performance which will only fool non-musicians, and they will laugh behind my back. The only persons that will be pleased are the ones who are pushing me to go through this, with good intent, but they do not understand how much it is taxing me.

Since my grandmother's death, I have also fallen into a spiritual torpor and have once again begun to fall into mortal sin. My present state of being is so disgraceful that my grandmother is probably ashamed of me. I feel like I do not merit the name of Catholic, since my life is so dissolute and incompatible with it.

Vladimir,

I was a piano student in college and was hoping to be a concert pianist. I remember being excited about a recital but terrified as well.  I also never thought I was good enough and was just "fooling" everyone who thought well of me.  

I have a great devotion to Dina Belangér. Have you heard of her? She is from Canada and died in the 30's I think.  She was a concert pianist in the world and was even very holy at that time. When she became a nun, she left behind the stage but taught music. She reached the heights of Union with God before she died.

I will pray to her for you. Perhaps you might as well?  

Have great confidence in God... Don't give up - the battle is a spiritual one.