Author Topic: Discouragement  (Read 745 times)

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Offline Kephapaulos

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Discouragement
« on: October 29, 2016, 12:29:17 PM »
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  • I don't know where to start. I'm a 32-year old male, and I still have a hard time establishing my state in life with a better job and goals. I feel as if I have no real direction. Sometimes I wish I had not found out about traditional Catholicism until later on. The counselor thinks I have avoidant personality disorder which I saw does describe the way I am. I have for a long time found school too burdensome, wasted time, and miss opportinities habitually. I only need two classes for my MBA, but I have to take one of them again. My father and I had a rift over my not being able to graduate this year and I think more over an insurance issue concerning my mother, who might have MS or something else, and I don't know if my father will help me pay for school still. My parents had an annulment over twenty years ago, and are not together, with my having had a stepfather since around the time. I live with my mother and stepfather still, but I am tired of being a burden and wanf to work at a betrer job. I have too much fear that people won't hire me even though I apply here and there. I have attended my SSPX chapel for ten years now, but I don't know if God wants me to be there. I had thought Our Lady wanted me there because I prayed to go there. It is hard to make it to Confession at the chapel with the amount time taken there in waiting in line, and I have resorted to going to the Novus Ordo priests, which I have had not much problem. It's the Novus Ordo though. The Resistance chapel is too far away, the position of which I have had reservations, and the Novus Ordo is the Novus Ordo. The indult here in town has had its challenges too. I have worked at Novus Ordo Catholic stores for almost seven years, but it gets too much for me sometimes being in that environment, but I feel as if that is all I can do for a job. I keep doing bare minimum or below in most things and have a hard time being enthusiastic about anything or feel the sentiments with others. The class I take right now also involved decisions I should have better made concerning my group project. I feel like something in my life has to give. I was in my front lawn one evening after walking and had three choices: drive away, walk away, or go back in the house. I went back in the house. I still feeling like running away though. I don't have a good enough job though, and I have burdensome school loans to pay back still. I am afraid for my mother's health, and my stepfather and her have had their struggles with each other with distrust. I have hard trusting anyone or myself now. I fear the repercussions in posting this here publicly, but I'm not sure what to do.
    "Non nobis, Domine, non nobis; sed nomini tuo da gloriam..." (Ps. 113:9)

    Offline Nadir

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    Discouragement
    « Reply #1 on: October 29, 2016, 03:54:55 PM »
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  • Even the act of spelling out so clearly your dilemma, Kephapaulous, may help you to see what you should do to amend the things that you can, such as applying yourself to studying more efficiently, and accept those things which are impossible to change, such as your unstable family situation. Do you have brothers or sisters?

    32 is a difficult age to arrive at when you still have not found your niche. I was in a similar situation at that age and didn't settle into my true role in life till I was 35. But I am a woman, now having survived my "3 score year and ten". And certainly you are "doing it hard" because of the worsening times.

    I can understand that your work environment must have a detrimental effect on you. Presumably you must be dealing in book sales and must have some experience in that. Put to use what you have learned there and ask St Anthony to find you a position without the stress of being in such a conflicted situation.

    Trust that God has a purpose for you and that He, and His beloved Mother will guide you. Don't forget to enlist your Guardian Angel in all this. I will pray for you.


    Offline Kephapaulos

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    Discouragement
    « Reply #2 on: October 29, 2016, 04:25:44 PM »
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  • Thank you, Nadir. I have one younger sister who is 29, and she is trying to find her way too.
    "Non nobis, Domine, non nobis; sed nomini tuo da gloriam..." (Ps. 113:9)

    Offline Nadir

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    Discouragement
    « Reply #3 on: October 29, 2016, 08:22:39 PM »
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  • I will include her in my prayers.

     
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    My father and I had a rift over my not being able to graduate this year and I think more over an insurance issue concerning my mother, who might have MS or something else, and I don't know if my father will help me pay for school still. My parents had an annulment over twenty years ago, and are not together, with my having had a stepfather since around the time. I live with my mother and stepfather still, but I am tired of being a burden and want to work at a betrer job. I have too much fear.....


    It sounds like you are being adversely affected by fear and what might be.

    I've been thinking about your debt. You should not assume on your father's help. Have you had a man-to-man talk with him? If you assume you have full responsibility for your study debts you might then get a stronger impulse to do something about them rather than wait to see if your father will help you.

    You say you are tired of being a burden, and this is a good sign that you should act on. Not necessarily by getting out but by seeing how you can be less of a burden. What do you do to help around the home?

    Just a few thoughts.

    Offline Matto

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    Discouragement
    « Reply #4 on: October 29, 2016, 08:27:00 PM »
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  • I will try to remember you in my prayers. I have similar problems myself so you are not alone.
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    Offline MaterDominici

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    Discouragement
    « Reply #5 on: October 30, 2016, 04:02:24 AM »
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  • Quote from: Kephapaulos
    The counselor thinks I have avoidant personality disorder which I saw does describe the way I am.


    I don't know about that, Kepha, and I don't think finding a label like this is going to help you any. In neutral situations, I've noticed that you have no problem interacting socially with others. You're much less of an introvert than I am and you converse with others quite naturally. You've also held a steady job requiring social interaction for seven years.

    It seems to me that you only encounter problems when the task at hand isn't what you want to be doing. Your college studies have been your biggest challenge for a long time now. Either you find the material too difficult or too boring, but either can be overcome by your own level of discipline.

    You say you'll have to repeat a class, but it's only the end of October. Have you talked to your professor and shown a real interest in making up for the things you've done poorly up to this point? The professors generally aren't in their line of work to see you fail, but they do have to see that you know the material and want to do the work. If you haven't shown up in their office (not during class time) to discuss your situation and your desire to do whatever needs to be done in order to graduate, you need to do so NOW. Don't presume they won't work with you until you've asked.... or begged. : )

    Regarding your job, are you getting experience there that will help you get your next job or are you doing only minimum wage work? As a steady, trustworthy employee of seven years, they should have you helping with management tasks like tracking inventory, processing invoices, or even helping with payroll. I'm sure they know what career you're heading into and if they're not letting you get these experiences, you need to find something different.

    Have you done any internships? There are plenty that will pay you for your work. If you have any places in mind that you might want to apply to work for next year, you should ask them about part-time work or internships now.

    I'm going to disagree with Nadir here and say that whatever you're doing around the house now, don't bother stepping it up at this point. If I were your parents just hearing the news that you might not graduate as they'd planned, every load of dishes I see you wash, I'd be wondering what studies or class projects you're avoiding. Don't be any more of a burden than they're accustomed to, but I'm sure they'd like to see you move on for your own sake and you won't get there by repeating classes.

    And my last suggestion -- If you're still doing ANY sort of volunteer work that distracts you from school work, you need to QUIT until you have a handle on your primary obligations.
    "If I could only make the faithful sing the Kyrie, the Gloria, the Credo, the Sanctus and the Agnus Dei ... that would be to me the finest triumph sacred music could have, for it is in really taking part in the liturgy that the faithful will preserve their devotion. I would take the Tantum ...

    Offline Matthew

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    Discouragement
    « Reply #6 on: October 30, 2016, 10:32:25 AM »
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  • First of all, I'll admit that from one point of view, you have bigger fish to fry (closer to home) than worrying about which Mass you should attend.
    For practical matters, please listen to MaterDominici. She gives good practical advice.

    That having been said...

    As a man, and a philosopher, I still believe that doctrine, especially concerning the spritual realm, should be the foundation of everything.
    Something has to be the center that everything else orbits around; something has to come first.
    Now I don't doubt your piety -- I'm talking about doctrine here.
    If you don't start by taking a firm, well-founded, educated stand for what you believe in, how can you deal with what life throws at you?

    I bring this up because you mentioned having "reservations" about the Resistance position, you also mentioned severe misgivings about the SSPX chapel you attend, then mention going to confession at the Novus Ordo. You even mention the Indult. (You didn't mention your brief flirtation with Sedevacantism, which I know about from speaking with you in person). I'll be frank: You're all over the place, man. When your life's foundation is a merry-go-round, it's no wonder your life seems overwhelming.

    It sounds like the real crisis you're having is doctrinal.

    You sound confused about your position regarding the Crisis in the Church, like you're looking for a new position and/or a position you can live out and believe in.

    The Novus Ordo has doubtful priests and sacraments. That is what the SSPX always used to teach. They used to conditionally ordain Novus Ordo priests converting to Tradition. (Not anymore, though). The SSPX has become more like the Indult in their doctrine, their attitude towards the Conciliar Church and Vatican II, and what they preach from the pulpit. The Resistance is equivalent to the old classic SSPX position. You really need to pick one and live your life accordingly. But we're talking about the Faith and eternity here, so it's a grave, important choice that requires much prayer and thought.

    Obviously a melancholic like yourself will have a tendency to suffer "decision paralysis" -- deep thinkers appreciate all the nuances, all the problems, and become unable to make a decision. The way out is to exercise the virtue of prudence and then make your "best guess" decision. Learn "enough", study "enough" about your options based on what time you have available, and then make a decision. What if you're wrong? Who cares. In this world you're going to be wrong sometimes. God understands. We're not God and we're not omniscient. Just do your best to gather as much data/truth as possible, and then make a decision. Afterwards, be humble enough to consider the possibility that you might be wrong, and never stop learning: God can send people your way to help enlighten you if you ever find yourself on the wrong path (by no fault of your own). And keep up that prayer life; that also helps you to make course-corrections as necessary.

    My point: bringing order to your doctrinal life, standing for a firm position, will not make all your problems go away. But it will give you a position of stability and strength from which to DEAL with all those problems. Men are creatures of principle. Men operate on principles. When I say "men", I mean "real men", which according to Bishop Williamson are something of an endangered species in 2016. So many men today are damaged goods, or strictly speaking they are defective. Because a normal foundation of principles and reason gives men a stability that not only keeps themselves stable and sane, but provides a secure, anchored trellis for their wives and children to cling to. It's all part of God's design.

    As an aside, I must point out that the Resistance is nothing more or less than the classic SSPX position of Archbishop Lefebvre.
    Recognize the Pope, but resist him in his destruction and his modernism. Practically speaking, this consisted of: keeping the Faith, supporting good traditional priests, and building up the Church as much as possible, working towards the triumph of Christ the King even over the secular realm. And in the meantime, WAIT PATIENTLY for God's good time to convert Rome back to the Catholic Faith. While we wait, we don't worry about becoming schismatic after X years (The Traditional movement has no time limit!), we don't engage in politics or negotiations with unconverted Rome, and we certainly don't seek to "win" a practical agreement or accord with Rome, ignoring doctrinal issues.

    The Resistance consists of no new doctrines, no new positions, nothing new at all. Just Archbishop Lefebvre's old SSPX before Bishop Fellay took over and transformed the SSPX into something different.

    There is fact and then there is opinion.

    For example, it is not a legitimate position to condemn the consecration of Bishop Faure (or Bishop Thomas Aquinas) while simultaneously defending Archbishop Lefebvre's consecration of 4 bishops in 1988. That is because those two events are fundamentally the same, in every meaningful way. The fact that one was in Econe, Switzerland and one was in Brazil makes no difference. Any differences between the two are accidental, not essential. A person can condemn both consecrations, or neither. Those are the only legitimate positions.

    Likewise, it is not legitimate to defend Archbishop Lefebvre's SSPX while condemning the Resistance as some kind of "wildcat", "illegitimate", "disobedient", or "schismatic" group. Those were the same words used against Archbishop Lefebvre in the 70's, and I've heard the same kind of talk against the Resistance by many old parishioners I knew at St. Joseph's Chapel (SSPX chapel in San Antonio).

    Basically, these people have forgotten where the SSPX came from. The SSPX was doing the same thing as the Resistance in the 1970's. They were small, they were less united, they were criticizing and disobeying Modernist Rome, they were operating under Supplied Jurisdiction due to the state of emergency, they set up "illicit" chapels all over the place, etc. As I've pointed out many times, there is no added legitimacy automatically gained for an organization by virtue of getting your 10,000th parishioner, your 1,000,000th dollar in your corporate bank account, your 200th priest, your 200th piece of real estate, or your 30th year in business. Those things might make you bigger, but they don't add any fundamental legitimacy or justification. So many SSPX parishioners don't (or won't) seem to realize this.

    There are plenty of Trad Catholics who reject the SSPX position for various reasons. And there are plenty who point out that this or that position (or even all positions) are imperfect. And in a way, I can respect their beliefs. At least their belief makes sense; it holds water. But it would be foolish to say, "I reject Coke because it rots the teeth; I drink Pepsi instead." Um, newsflash...

    That is precisely the argument of one long-time St. Joseph's parishioner, whose initials are M.J. She said that what the Resistance is doing is "disobedient". So instead she goes to her un-canonical, illegal SSPX chapel for Mass, which has no permission from the Pope or the Roman authorities. And she's been doing this for decades, long before Bishop Fellay started making major moves towards Rome in 2012. How is that consistent? Isn't that position nonsensical and contradictory? If she were truly concerned about "disobedience", she would go back to the Novus Ordo, or at least the local Indult at the San Antonio church ironically named "St. Pius X" on Harry Wurzbach Ave., since that Latin Mass is approved by Rome.

    P.S. Your local Resistance chapel is only 45-50 minutes away. I used to drive 42 minutes to St. Joseph's every Sunday. But even if that's too far for weekly Mass, what about once a month? Or even once every 2 months? I've been to Fr. Zendejas' Houston chapel 5 times over the past 18 months, and that is 3.25 hours away. Sometimes 4.5 hours when traffic is bad. And I have a large family, so I had to drive a 1999 Suburban with 210,000 miles on it. You haven't made the 50-minute trip since late 2014, I think. Maybe you could carpool with someone, at least once in a while?

    Or how about just come ONCE to speak with Fr. Zendejas for advice. He is a wise, old-school, faithful priest who received an excellent SSPX seminary formation. He is like a Mexican Cristero brought to the 21st century. Your current priest at St. Joseph's has been a priest for 5 months. Fr. Zendejas was ordained a (traditional) priest in 1989. He used to be the PRIOR of Ridgefield, CT and then he was the PRIOR of the Houston priory. So of all the SSPX priests ever ordained, he is in the top category of them.

    I know that city-dwellers consider any trip over 15 minutes to be a "journey", but come on!  :laugh1:

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    Offline Matthew

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    Discouragement
    « Reply #7 on: October 30, 2016, 01:27:03 PM »
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  • Quote from: Kephapaulos
    The counselor thinks I have avoidant personality disorder which I saw does describe the way I am.


    By the way, I heartily concur with MaterDominici's advice on this.

    Psychologists have made up COUNTLESS fake disorders with fancy sounding names, most of which are COMPLETELY BOGUS so they can give you mind-altering drugs, and make money off you whenever you visit their office. It's a scam, pure and simple.

    I was just reading an article about this.

    They even have a disorder for those like myself and many other CathInfo members -- those who don't trust the government or Mainstream Media implicitly. Those who seek out "alternative news" or who buck the mainstream Conciliar Church in favor of a less accepted group: Tradition.

    They call it Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Again, it's complete B.S.

    Someday they'll diagnose ALL of us with some disorder like this, and use it as an excuse to lock us up, take away our kids, take away our guns, shoot us up with drugs without our consent, etc.
    Kyrie Eleison.
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    Offline Matto

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    « Reply #8 on: October 30, 2016, 04:39:30 PM »
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  • Quote from: Matthew
    Psychologists have made up COUNTLESS fake disorders with fancy sounding names, most of which are COMPLETELY BOGUS so they can give you mind-altering drugs, and make money off you whenever you visit their office. It's a scam, pure and simple.

    I go to a psycologist because I have serious problems. Real ones, not made up ones. I take medicine which seems to help with some of my problems but not all of them. They try to help people even though I think there are way too many people who go to them and take medicine when they really don't have serious problems like I do.
    I Love Watching Butterflies . . ..

    Offline Steve Hanniwald

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    Discouragement
    « Reply #9 on: October 30, 2016, 04:53:08 PM »
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  • Have you ever taken a personality test, such as Meyers Briggs? This can help you identify what career you are best suited for. Once you step outside your routine and try a few new things, pay attention to what excites you. This will help lead the way. You want to follow your natural interests in life, to determine what is going to drive and motivate you.

    For me, it was selling everything and moving to a rural island in the Caribbean, at the age of 26. I became production manager for a large, local newspaper. The paper was immersed in local politics and I became fascinated with collecting local political data for the territory, which had never been done before. It had a big impact on the outcome of elections and the rewriting of the Constitution.

    Today, I work in the field of Big Data. I also do much volunteer work for nonprofits that need statistical or data-based research. I love what I do. My career gave me the confidence to raise a family. I am also active in the Catholic Church, on the traditional side, though this came after many trials and tribulations, most of it due to my misunderstanding of the Church (media influence).

    You will make fewer mistakes since you are already properly spiritually rooted. Now you just need to find out what drives you. Go and explore and try new things. It's basically self-discovery.

    God bless you.

     

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