As I come of age, more and more do I think about my vocation.. Or what God is calling me to do... As of yet, I don't believe that I am spiritually developed enough to properly discern my vocation, but I have a general idea (or at least, I think I do) of what God is calling me to do.

The only issue is that by virtue of the fact that I was born a bastard child, I would normally (if not for VII) be barred from the priesthood and many religious orders. Or in other words, I have a canonical impediment, by the fault of my mother and father that would prevent me from becoming a priest. Originally I had never really wanted to become a priest and actually distressed over the idea. Now that I realize I can't do that (or even be a part of a religious order) is eating away at my conscience. Everytime I read the words "illegitimate" or "bastard", it makes me feel useless. It makes me feel like I'm damned. Furthermore, it makes me want to hate my mother and father.. It is after all, entirely their fault and not mine that I have this canonical impediment. (Oh and no, they would never marry each other, so that is out of the question)

But of course there are other things like marriage.. Which I dread. As much as I like to think about marriage in general, I can't stand the thought of having to deal with children on a regular basis. In fact, even the idea of having a wife, as I find most women to be quite boring, is beyond the stretch of my horizon. To be quite honest, I don't find myself to be having any respect for most people as I usually get the impression that they don't respect me.

I feel as though now I know what it feels like for a ɧoɱosɛҳųαƖ who isn't a child rapist that wants to become a priest. They have a canonical impediment, through no fault of their own, that if they otherwise did not have they may be allowed into the priesthood.

In a way.. I guess you can say that I'm hoping God isn't calling me to the married life. How many married saints do you know in comparison to those who are single or priests? How could I devote my life to God when I would have annoying children and an annoying wife to look after?

I really want to be a saint and be an example for the future faithful.. But it doesn't sound like something I would be able to do if married. Hopefully that is not God's vocation for me and he's calling me to be an erudite hermit (consecrated virginity) that lives off of coconut water or something.

What do you guys think?

Homes,

I have read four or five, ten at the most, of your posts...

I have been impressed...You are WAY, WAY beyond where I was at your age (or this morning)...You are FAR from "useless" and the impediment in your case may be EASILY overcome.  WORRY NOT, my young friend.

For the present, cultivate an intense interior life -- that is the key for ALL of us.  If you need advice on how to do that, or need to know about writers or books that may help, etc., PM me (I promise to NOT seduce you -- LOL! -- sorry, could not resist after stevie wonder's endless crap about my 'seduction' via PM).

FWIW, I am duly impressed by your intelligence and progress, Daegus.  Maybe you will accomplish what we older, useless folks only dreamed of

To be quite honest, I don't find myself to be having any respect for most people as I usually get the impression that they don't respect me.

FWIW, this must be dealt with.  If you are to assist others in the incomprehensibly-dangerous-and-difficult process of making it home to heaven, you must...MUST...at the VERY LEAST...respect them.

Their respect, or lack thereof, for you is completely irrelevant.

Don't worry, as such natural defects are easily overcome by grace, but do you hear what I am saying?

You must love the normal, even the repulsive man -- even when it HURTS and is impossible to nature.  If men of God do not do such, WHO WILL???

Pray on it all, my young friend.  I shall pray for you, for whatever that is or is NOT worth :)

Pray...and trust in God...He knows and arranges all for your benefit...be at peace :)

First of all, I encourage you not to hate your mother and father. I have a strained relationship with my dad (who happens to be a Protestant) due to him not respecting my Traditional Catholic religion. He won't even go to Mass with me and my mother. And yet, I do not hate him. I still love him and want him to go to Heaven, thus why I will never stop trying to convert him.

Regarding your vocation, I'm also struggling a bit with my vocation. I'm having a hard time discerning if God wants me to become a priest or get married. On one hand, becoming a priest is a very special thing. To be able to offer the Traditional Latin Mass is indeed a huge grace and blessing from God. And plus I do not have any Traditional Catholic women where I live. On the other hand, I have been thinking alot lately of how great it would be to find a Traditional Catholic woman. Other than my mother, I've yet to meet anyone in person who understands my stance on religion, politics, etc. The Catholics where I live don't like me because I'm too Traditional, and the Prots don't like me because I'm Catholic period. And yet, I have a strong desire to marry a Trad woman and start a Traditional Catholic family, which stems from the fact that I want to be a good father and husband and not repeat the mistakes my Prot father made. I cannot move to a place where there is a TLM because my family buisiness is here and I must work for my family to make some good money. I wouldn't be interested in working elsewhere.

But one thing I will say is that when God calls you to the religious life, you'll know it. And don't think you have to be a St. Augustine or St. Padre Pio to please God and get to Heaven. Being a father isn't an easy vocation either. But if performed in a way that is pleasing to God, you will be rewarded for it. I too sometimes worried if marriage wouldn't make me close enough to God, until I heard a sermon just recently about the role of a father. God does will some men NOT to become priests. Continue to pray for God's Will and see what His Will is. He will answer your prayers eventually.

Thank you both GV and wallflower. Your points are duly noted.

There are times where I forget that I am just as wicked as the people who seem to be even more wicked than I.. So they do not deserve condescension from me.

In a word, my young friend: Chill.

Unless I am mixing you up with another, you are 16.

You have YEARS until you can enter upon ANY vocation, definitively.

The thing to do NOW is cultivate a real, solid, intense interior life.  That will help you SEE what you need to see and give you the strength to DO whatever you need to do, whenever the time comes.

I am flattered that my ever-active anti-fan club have thumbs-downed a simple post at the top of this page (and all posts on the previous page).

Why don't y'all go sniff (or even drink) gallons of paint?  It might prove more useful.  Your implacable hatred not only "improves" my rep, for whatever that is or is not worth, but continues to make your own peace an impossibility.  I'd call you funny and entertaining names, but all I feel for you is pity (but not that much).

Thank you both GV and wallflower. Your points are duly noted.

There are times where I forget that I am just as wicked as the people who seem to be even more wicked than I.. So they do not deserve condescension from me.

This is an afterthought and it should not be, I should have known to include the disclaimer right away, but of course I am culpable of lack of charity myself. This is how I can recognize it... been there done that, many, many times    Often even being bored by people comes from believing ourselves to be above them and not looking hard enough to see God's wonder and the good qualities within the other person.

Also it's not necessary to believe that we are more wicked than everyone else, what's important is to recognize that IF we are less wicked, it is ONLY through God's grace, and without it, when we reject it, then we are certainly capable of worse.