Bright Sun of the Family

Pius XII, Address to Newlyweds

March 11, 1942

From Dear Newlyweds: Pope Pius XII Speaks to Married Couples, pp. 178-181. Translated by James F. Murray, Jr. and Bianca M. Murray. New York: Farrar, 1961. Republished by Sarto House 2007.

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For the rest of your life, dear newlyweds, you will carry with you, as a comforting and happy augury, the memory of your father’s house and his Apostolic Benediction. It will accompany you on the journey you have just begun, under divine protection and with countless joyous hopes, in these turbulent times, striving towards the goal you can barely glimpse through the darkness of the future.

 

But your hearts are not afraid of darkness; the eagerness and hardihood of youth spurs you on. As you walk in step along the same path of life, united in your minds and hearts, the tranquility of your spirit is not disturbed, but rather renewed and expanded. You will be happy within your own home; you find no darkness; there your family has its own sun, your wife.

 

Yes, the wife and mother is the sun of the family. With generosity and devotion, with constant readiness, she watches over and provides for everything that helps to make life happy for her husband and children. She radiates light and warmth. It is usually said that a marriage is successful when each spouse strives from the beginning to insure not his own, but his partner’s, happiness. Although this noble sentiment concerns both parties, it is the chief virtue of the wife, who is born with a mother’s instinct, a heartful of wisdom—that wisdom which returns joy for bitterness, dignity and respect for humiliation, like the sun which dispels the morning mists at daybreak and gilds the clouds at sunset.

 

The wife is the sun of the family, with her bright look and the warmth of her words which sweetly pierce the soul, move and soften it, raise it above the tumult of the passions, welcome the husband to the delights of family conversation after a long and hard day at the office, in the field or the factory. Her eyes flash a world of meaning, and one word bespeaks a world of affection. Looks and words that dance up from a mother’s heart create the paradise of childhood, always radiating goodness and kindness even when they admonish or rebuke, for the more sensitive a child’s soul, the more profoundly he accepts the dictates of love.

 

The wife is the sun of the family by reason of her natural candor, her dignified simplicity, and her serious Christian bearing, as well as her dedication and rectitude, her restrained but gracious conduct and tastes. Delicate, refined, charming, tactful, she has the grace of an exotic yet simple flower that opens its leaves to receive and reflect the colors of the sun. If you only knew what profound feelings of love and gratitude such an image of wife and mother arouses and imprints upon the heart of the father of the family and upon the children! May the guardian angels of that house, who listen to prayers, shower heaven’s perfumes on such a home of Christian happiness!

 

But what happens if the family is deprived of this sun? What if the wife continuously, on every occasion, even in the most intimate relationships, complains of how many sacrifices married life is costing her? Where is her gentle affection when excessive discipline and uncontrolled anger, or annoying indifference smother in the children any feelings of joy and comfort at their mother’s side, when the harsh voice of her scolding and recriminations sadly disturbs and embitters a devoted family life? Where is that tender love and generosity when, instead of creating an atmosphere of welcome peace in the home, by her natural simplicity and tidiness, she poisons the air by being a restless, nervous and demanding woman of fashion? Is this the spreading of healthful rays of sunshine, or is it rather the chilling of the family garden with the freezing winds of sunset? Who could be surprised then if the husband, finding nothing at home to attract him, to keep him and comfort him, stays away as much as he can, thereby provoking the wife and mother to do the same, unless indeed the wife’s disappearance has not already provoked the husband’s? And so both of them, with grave spiritual danger and harm to the entire family, become used to seeking elsewhere the quiet repose and pleasure not found in their own home. In such a state of affairs, and beyond all doubt, the unfortunate children suffer most!

 

Dear wives, this is where your responsibility for family harmony and happiness can lead. It is your husband’s role to provide for your home, and it is your role to arrange its comfort and well-being to assure the serenity of your two lives. For you this is not only a role of nature but a religious duty as well, an obligation of Christian virtue, the practice and merit of which will win you an increase in the love and grace of God.

 

“But,” one of you may say, “this demands a life of sacrifice.” But not of sacrifice alone. Do you believe that anyone here on earth can enjoy true and lasting happiness without earning it by some privation or denial? Where, in any corner of this world, can the full and perfect happiness of earthly paradise be found? Do you think that perhaps your husband too does not make sacrifices, often numerous and difficult ones, to provide an honorable living for his family? It is precisely these mutual sacrifices, borne together for the good of all, which give to married love and family happiness the cordiality and stability, the holy depth and exquisite nobility which are rooted in the mutual respect of the husband and wife and which exalt them in the love and gratitude of their children. If a mother’s sacrifice is more severe and painful, virtue from on high will soften it. Through her own sacrifice a woman learns compassion for the sufferings of others. Love for the happiness of her own home does not remain enclosed within her; the love of God, which exalts her through her sacrifice, opens her heart to compassion and makes her holy.

 

“But,” someone may still object, “the structure of modern society—labor, industry, and the professions—drives a great number of women, even after marriage, to leave the family and enter business and public life.” We are not unaware of this, dear daughters. It is extremely doubtful that such a state of affairs constitutes truly a social ideal for a married woman. Nevertheless one must recognize the fact. Divine Providence, however, always watchful in His governance of humanity, has instilled into the spirit of the Christian family superior resources which help mitigate the harshness of such a social system and overcome its inherent dangers. Have you ever noticed that when religious feeling and faith in God form the basis of the family life, the sacrifice of a mother who, in addition to her own household duties, must work hard every day to provide for her family not only preserves but actually increases her children’s veneration and love for her and wins even more gratitude from them for her worries and hardships? If this be the case in your marriage, place complete confidence in God, who always helps those who fear and serve Him. Try to intensify the attentions and redouble the love you can lavish on your dear ones during the time you can devote to them, not only to guarantee an indispensable minimum of true family life, but also to leave implanted in the hearts of your husband and children a glowing warmth of comfort during the hours when you yourself are away.

 

And you husbands who are placed by God at the head of your wives and your families must, while working for their support, also assist your wives’ efforts to accomplish their holy, lofty and often exhausting mission; you must cooperate with them by that love and care which uses two hearts with the same strength and the same love.

 

We conclude by offering to the Holy Family of Nazareth an ardent prayer for each and every one of your families so that you, dear sons and daughters, may achieve your own goal by imitating Mary and Joseph, educating and raising Christian children as living members of Christ who are destined one day to enjoy with you the eternal happiness of heaven.