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Author Topic: Question to older users  (Read 9557 times)

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Offline AnthonyPadua

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Question to older users
« on: October 17, 2024, 05:29:51 AM »
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    • What was "wedding culture" like in the past? In modern times it's 'normal' for people to spends tens of thousands of $$$ and even over 100k on a wedding+reception+catering etc.

    Did you have weddings like this? Or know people who had them like this? Or was it much more casual?
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    Offline Gray2023

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    Re: Question to older users
    « Reply #1 on: October 17, 2024, 06:47:10 AM »
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    • I am not sure who buys into this "marriage culture".  Secular people?  Most of the people I know, have simple family oriented weddings.  It is not about how much you spend, but actually about the couple getting married.
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    1 Corinthians: Chapter 13 "4 Charity is patient, is kind: charity envieth not, dealeth not perversely; is not puffed up; 5 Is not ambitious, seeketh not her own, is not provoked to anger, thinketh no evil;"

    Offline AMDGJMJ

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    Re: Question to older users
    « Reply #2 on: October 17, 2024, 10:46:50 AM »
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    • Quote from: AnthonyPadua on October 17, 2024, 05:29:51 AM
    What was "wedding culture" like in the past? In modern times it's 'normal' for people to spends tens of thousands of $$$ and even over 100k on a wedding+reception+catering etc.

    Did you have weddings like this? Or know people who had them like this? Or was it much more casual?
    I don't think that it is a question about past or present times but more a question about family and the couple's preferences.

    In the past there were expenses weddings by high class people and inexpensive weddings by poor people.

    I know many people who spent on their weddings as much as would have been enough money to be a down-payment on a house.  I know others (my parents and myself included) who had merely a lunch afterwards with close friends and family. 

    For our wedding, I kept things as inexpensive as possible.  I wasn't sure until about 2 months before if my family would come to our wedding (they are novus ordo) so I didn't feel right asking my father to help pay for anything (though in the end he did pay for the BBQ and fried chicken).  We had our wedding in my parent's basketball gym and the reception in a medium sized room adjacent to it.  All the utensils and eating products were paper or plastic from the dollar store.  :cowboy:

    That being said...  Tao of my sisters who are novus had more elaborate weddings at golf courses with catering and around 300 people attending.  So, things can definitely vary even in the same family.
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    Offline FarmerWife

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    Re: Question to older users
    « Reply #3 on: October 17, 2024, 11:50:24 AM »
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    • My in-laws paid for the photographer which is a good investment because you want nice photos. And the reception was at my FIL's house with some catering and home-cooking. I think that's way better than a banquet hall. This was also during Covid so there was a restriction of like less than 10-15 people gathering in a private setting. Also, investing in a good hairstylist for the bride is worth it. I did my own makeup and bought the dress myself for under $100. You can also get them used online. Wedding rings for both of us were around $200 and we had them engraved. 

    The expenses of the wedding goes up when you have more guests to pay for their food. Some cultures will invite extended family and relatives whom they don't even know and both sides of the family will pay for the expenses. 

    And we had no limo, we just drove in with our vehicles. 
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    Offline 2Vermont

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    Re: Question to older users
    « Reply #4 on: October 17, 2024, 12:37:42 PM »
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    • First of all, "older": how many years ago are we talking?  :laugh1:

    Second of all, I think there are a number of factors that play a part in how much $ a couple/their parents are willing to spend on a wedding.  Any "culture" would probably be only one piece of the puzzle.
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    Offline Cera

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    Re: Question to older users
    « Reply #5 on: October 17, 2024, 01:25:07 PM »
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    • We had a traditional latin Mass of course, then brunch at the nicest hotel in town. 
    We have young friends who recently had a traditional latin Mass and then a catered lunch at the bride's home. 
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    Offline Canaille317

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    Re: Question to older users
    « Reply #6 on: November 18, 2024, 08:32:27 PM »
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    • Well, things were so different back in the days when we grew up in caves.  There really wasn’t much of any weddings.  Usually the groom just grabbed the bride by her hair and dragged her down the aisle.

    Ok nevermind.  I didn’t marry until I was in my 40s.  So, I got to watch lots of craziness around me.  The family of a former schoolmate was said to have paid over $200,000 for their daughter’s wedding.  Insane.  This was probably 30 years ago.

    A woman I once worked with was so *#%=+ about having strawberries at her wedding.  She was having absolute fits at the thought that she might not be able to get them because they were out of season or something.

    When I got married, we did so at night and had only the priest and my in-laws.  I think the priest was so relieved to not have all the shenanigans of the weddings he would usually perform.

    It’s just my opinion that the only ones who benefit from a big wedding are those making the money from it.  I can’t imagine the stress of wanting everything perfect.  When I attended afternoon Mass on Fridays back home at the cathedral, there was usually someone setting up for a wedding the next day.  At that time I was fairly cynical about marriage.  So, often I had the thought of what a beautiful beginning to such an ugly end… being that so many marriages end in divorce.  The wedding doesn’t make the marriage.   Save the money and put it on a home instead.
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    Offline Twice dyed

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    Re: Question to older users
    « Reply #7 on: November 18, 2024, 10:39:48 PM »
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    • Let's go back to 1961 in a small Catholic village, in Canada. I was 5 years old..One day we were invited to a country wedding, I didn't know these people getting married. They must have been charitable to even dare invite 11 of us!!  Mom had most of her kids all cleaned and dressed in our Sunday best. My Mom didn't go with us cause she had a toddler Nickie to watch. So off we go in ONE old Dodge, just 10 of us, plus my Dad the driver,  packed like cordwood all over the seats, maybe 2 in the trunk. It had rained the day before and we got hopelessly stuck somewhere on some dirt / mud road!! We all had fun pushing the car out somehow, packed back like our routine in dah old sedan and returned to our house. We hurried in the house, half our clothes plastered in mud. My Mom asked what had happened, and then cried for a minute and then started laughing about the whole ordeal...thanking God that we didn't get an accident.
    So the takeaway is: my parents had a small luncheon at their wedding, simple decorations, super plain, but they didn't divorce, worked super hard in good times and tough times, enjoyed all the kids, and my Mom was key in keeping the True Mass alive in Manitoba. 
       If you learn from the apparition in Lourdes, St. Bernadette, and Our Lady quietly making a point about the importance of poverty and humility. Despise the world and Newlyweds are off to a good start.
    Note: Fr. Freddy Mérry was always upset when weddings were too extravagant...he said marriages should take place in the sacristy...now that is not too popular, but it is a Sacrament first and foremost...






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