Sort of depends if you expect to carry it on your person, or in a purse/bag.

Personally, I would suggest looking at a sub-compact in either 9mm or .380ACP, the latter being a smaller cartridge, but sometimes a bit more manageable for a woman.  But then again, my wife can handle a 1911 quite easily.

And while I know many others will frown upon this, do not forget to consider a small pistol in 22LR.  If you are not used to guns, and at a minimum need something to go bang, 22LR is essentially recoiless and can be shot by anyone from a complete novice to an experienced shooter.  

As with all things, YMMV.

Thank you.
I want the gun to remain at home so I can defend us from home intruders.
We are not allowed here to carry guns outside home.

You best move to a free state.

If you have no experience with handguns, your husband and you should go to a shooting range that has rentals in various models and calibers. Don't go only one day, making your decision. That can be sensory overload, thus leading you to make the wrong choice or, worse, inducing "shell shock" from all of the shooting and turning you completely off to firearms.

Whichever handgun & caliber that you can shoot the best and feels right in your hand, and is within your budget, acquire that model/caliber for your needs.

And don't make the mistake of assuming that a small handgun will be best for you simply because it's small (fits your hand better), is looks less intimidating, and shoots a smaller cartridge. Usually, those types of handguns (specifically pocket guns) are very difficult to shoot for beginners. And the recoil is harsher than you might anticipate unless it's a .22. Even shooters with a lot of experience find it difficult to shoot those types of handguns.

Again, rent as many as you can and choose the model/caliber that is best for you and within your budget.

Thank you.
I want the gun to remain at home so I can defend us from home intruders.
We are not allowed here to carry guns outside home.

If your intention is only for home defense and not to carry, DO NOT make a hand gun your first choice... hand guns are only useful for carry and concealment.

I highly recommend that you research either a shotgun or a rifle/carbine type of a weapon. They are far easier to handle, especially for the inexperienced, than a handgun, and a shotgun or a rifle are far more reliable and lethal. 

If you're allowed to own guns, but are not allowed to carry them outside the house, I get the feeling you're not living in the United States?  If so, that may have an impact on what you can/can not purchase or own.  For example, in some foreign countries (foreign to the U.S., that is), even where handguns are allowed, you can not own a 'military' caliber, which many times includes 9x19 (i.e., 9mm Luger or just 9mm) handguns.

yes, we dont live at the US.
So we cannot carry guns outside home. 
You are right about the military caliber.
I really envy you. 
Thanks to all for your answers.
We will go to a shooting range to see various models and calibers and practice with them.