Author Topic: Making fun of Steven Seagal movies (Read 959 times)

Matthew · « **on:** July 05, 2025, 12:52:03 PM »

Boy has Steven Seagal gone to pot.
He used to be cheesy enough when he was young, very violent, narcissistic, etc. -- but now he's just cringe. He's got to be close to the worst actor still making movies.

His acting? He makes William Shatner look like Sir Patrick Stewart.

This guy has some "language" (no blasphemy, fortunately) but he's incredibly funny. Especially when he makes fun of modern Steven Seagal movies. I love "funny because it's true" brutally honest/sarcastic humor.

IndultCat · « **Reply #1 on:** July 05, 2025, 01:12:24 PM »

The only 2 Seagal movies that are any good are Out For Justice (1991) and Under Siege (1992). Everything else was garbage.

C6H12O6 · « **Reply #2 on:** July 06, 2025, 12:27:15 AM »

Quote from: IndultCat on July 05, 2025, 01:12:24 PM

The only 2 Seagal movies that are any good are Out For Justice (1991) and Under Siege (1992). Everything else was garbage.

Above the Law and Hard to Kill were, good, too.

C6H12O6 · « **Reply #3 on:** July 06, 2025, 12:27:48 AM »

Btw, Seagal is part racial jew.

Matthew · « **Reply #4 on:** July 06, 2025, 12:29:14 AM »

Quote from: C6H12O6 on July 06, 2025, 12:27:48 AM

Btw, Seagal is part racial jew.

Wouldn't surprise me.

In case you can't tell, I'm not exactly a fan. He was unique, I'll give him that. In the 90's we had so many unique actors you could remember. Companies, websites, movies, stores, video games -- everything and everyone took more risks and had more personality back then.

What kills me is how his hair looks "spray painted" now. Jet black, even though the dude is like 72 years old. And all the energy of the average octogenarian.

His use of body doubles and camera tricks is comical -- hilarious even. I accidentally spit on my monitor during one of them, in a typical scene that was violent, but unexpected/over-the-top. Some of his scenes/movies catch you unawares, they can be so unexpectedly stupid.

I mean, his movies were pretty "stupid" even in the good old days, when he was in his prime. Even as a teenager, I thought it was odd that his enemies would praise him and tell each other how awesome Seagal's character was during the movie. There's a worldly, non-clean version to describe such flattery as well, which I will pass over. But I've never met an enemy IRL that would do that, even if the guy in question WAS awesome. Having watched a few of these review videos, I now know that's apparently a thing in many of Seagal's films. He has to be a complete badass in every movie he makes.

He must have serious self-esteem issues.

C6H12O6 · « **Reply #5 on:** July 06, 2025, 12:39:59 AM »

Quote from: Matthew on July 06, 2025, 12:29:14 AM

Wouldn't surprise me.

What kills me is how his hair looks "spray painted" now. Jet black, even though the dude is like 72 years old. And all the energy of the average octogenarian.

His use of body doubles and camera tricks is comical -- hilarious even. I accidentally spit on my monitor during one of them, in a typical scene that was violent, but unexpected/over-the-top. Some of his scenes/movies catch you unawares, they can be so unexpectedly stupid.

I mean, his movies were pretty "stupid" even in the good old days, when he was in his prime. Even as a teenager, I thought it was odd that his enemies would praise him and tell each other how awesome Seagal's character was during the movie. There's a worldly, non-clean version to describe such flattery as well, which I will pass over. But I've never met an enemy IRL that would do that, even if the guy in question WAS awesome. Having watched a few of these review videos, I now know that's apparently a thing in many of Seagal's films. He has to be a complete badass in every movie he makes.

He must have serious self-esteem issues.

Everything you said, and regarding his fake hair - it's atrocious.

How can he not see how ridiculous he looks?

alaric · « **Reply #6 on:** July 06, 2025, 05:11:36 AM »

Quote from: C6H12O6 on July 06, 2025, 12:27:48 AM

Btw, Seagal is part racial jew.

Seagal is defintely a derevitive of (( Segel)) a highly Jєωιѕн name.

No doubt he conducts himself like the typical, arrogant, narcissistic, deceptive jew, everything about him is phony.

alaric · « **Reply #7 on:** July 06, 2025, 05:35:34 AM »

Quote from: Matthew on July 05, 2025, 12:52:03 PM

Boy has Steven Seagal gone to pot.
He used to be cheesy enough when he was young, very violent, narcissistic, etc. -- but now he's just cringe. He's got to be close to the worst actor still making movies.

His acting? He makes William Shatner look like Sir Patrick Stewart.

This guy has some "language" (no blasphemy, fortunately) but he's incredibly funny. Especially when he makes fun of modern Steven Seagal movies. I love "funny because it's true" brutally honest/sarcastic humor.

SS is the master of bullshido, he's totally the lead act in his own clown show, I seen this coming years ago as I trained in trad Japanese karate in the 80s as a young guy when his movies came out, I knew his moves were fake and totally impractical in the real world, and defintely in the streets. Akido itself is mostly garbage, I remember guys so-called mastering in thst who couldn't fight out of a wet paper bag, it's a bs " art" for the most part, at least for fighting in the streets.

It's a good thing MMA came out and exposed a lot of mystique of these phoney " arts", where we seen first hand how effective bullshido was in the octagon when it was just you and a 200 lb monster came at you with everything he had, Akido and bullshido Segal wouldn't last 10 seconds.

As for his movies, some entertaining and comical, seems he was always beating up mobsters, CIA criminals and black guys, which I thouroghly enjoyed at times, but I knew it was all theater, literally and figuratively, he was at least a decent showman at one time, now, he's a fat, washed up, martial arts comedian who don't know when to quit.

You would think when he went to Russia and met Putin, who is a real martial artist in Judo it would rub off on him a bit, apparently not.

alaric · « **Reply #8 on:** July 06, 2025, 05:44:53 AM »

We should start a thread on martial arts and Catholicism and not just in the men's thread, I believe women, esoecially younger ones need to be trained, especially in this violent and corrupt culture we live in, they could definetly use self defense training and physical , mental and moral fitness, I learned a lot besides training in my trad karate days, traditional japanese culture is far superior to our joke of a society today, we are totally unfit to survive as a culture and nation at this pace.

Matthew · « **Reply #9 on:** July 06, 2025, 11:43:27 AM »

Quote from: alaric on July 06, 2025, 05:35:34 AM

As for his movies, some entertaining and comical, seems he was always beating up mobsters, CIA criminals and black guys, which I thouroghly enjoyed at times, but I knew it was all theater, literally and figuratively, he was at least a decent showman at one time, now, he's a fat, washed up, martial arts comedian who don't know when to quit.

Yes, judging by these review videos, his recent movies are "unintentional comedy".

There are certain tropes which he jokes about -- and given the fact he backs up most of what he says with clips from the movies, the tropes are true. One of those tropes is that he loves murdering people, especially the innocent. And he does! He'll murder the janitor or front desk clerk, if the company in question is headed up by a bad guy. I mean, he murders innocent blue-collar employees in every movie. It's not just vigilante murdering drug-dealers, criminals, etc. He's like an inverse Batman. The latter won't even kill criminals. Seagal will kill anyone NEAR a criminal.

And yes, now that he's old, whatever martial arts he had (a violent version of Aikido) are long gone. Now he just slaps around, uses TONS of body doubles that are thinner/younger, etc.

The dialogue/plot of his later movies is only good for comedy. And he does seem to like food. He's really let himself go. His face is so fat, at least one of his movies he tried camera tricks to stretch his face out, when he was the only person in frame. It was pathetic. Before watching that review, I didn't even know Seagal was still making movies. Really, he shouldn't be. For his sake. Just retire in your prime (or "prime"), man.

Minnesota · « **Reply #10 on:** July 06, 2025, 02:40:10 PM »

He's been married four times, has seven children, multiple houses and custom weapons everywhere. Probably living a lifestyle he can no longer afford like all of the famous athletes.

Matthew · « **Reply #11 on:** July 08, 2025, 07:32:22 PM »

jersey60 · « **Reply #12 on:** July 09, 2025, 08:14:55 AM »

In Seagal's "hey-day" he was taking advantage of what Chuck Norris, Jackie Chan and Claude Van Damme were doing (and Bruce Lee before all of them) and it may have caught on for a short while. But Norris and Chan kept going and were successful whereas Seagal and, for the most part, Van Damme, faded away a bit, mainly due to the fact that Norris and Chan are genuine martial artists and the buying public eventually saw through the pretenders. Seagal is starving for attention and always has with his made up CIA stories, etc.

Here's a short clip of Norris opening up on his feelings about Seagal:

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/EczXT1Z-Enk

caxap · « **Reply #13 on:** July 10, 2025, 11:24:46 PM »

The movie of Seagal wiping out the Jamaican occultist gangsters was pretty good, too.

Matthew · « **Reply #14 on:** July 12, 2025, 02:16:49 PM »

Quote from: jersey60 on July 09, 2025, 08:14:55 AM

In Seagal's "hey-day" he was taking advantage of what Chuck Norris, Jackie Chan and Claude Van Damme were doing (and Bruce Lee before all of them) and it may have caught on for a short while. But Norris and Chan kept going and were successful whereas Seagal and, for the most part, Van Damme, faded away a bit, mainly due to the fact that Norris and Chan are genuine martial artists and the buying public eventually saw through the pretenders. Seagal is starving for attention and always has with his made up CIA stories, etc.

Here's a short clip of Norris opening up on his feelings about Seagal:

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/EczXT1Z-Enk

I wouldn't place Seagal and Van Damme in the same category AT ALL.

Watch this guy's review videos -- he seems to be a fan of Van Damme, and I can see why. You gotta admit, Van Damme actually knows martial arts. He's actually in shape, athletic, he can do the splits, he can spin kick. Action movies are always fluffy popcorn movie nonsense, but if you want a good action movie, I think Van Damme movies deliver. He isn't a pretender. It "looks" awesome on the screen, and that's the whole point of a fighting/action movie.

Now Seagal on the other hand, he's obese, washed up, mumbles all his lines, has bad dubbing with different voices for some of his lines, and he just plays patty-cake with the bad guys in his "fight" scenes, where his stunt double does all the work. I've actually seen fight scenes where they periodically splice in a second of him just moving, sometimes with a different background! (I'm not joking) It was the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen produced by an adult.
Seriously, he uses a stunt double to go up a flight of stairs, etc. He's pathetic. He's not even entertaining to watch from a "lets watch an awesome fight scene on the screen" standpoint. And his movies are awful, because to compensate for Seagal's lack of ability to do awesome fighting on-screen, he just shoots and kills lots of people on-screen, at least half of whom are completely innocent of any crime. He doesn't even make that look good either. He does "don't look shooting", no-scopes, sprays-and-prays, and flinches while firing wildly in any direction, somehow magically hitting people fatally. It's painful to watch.

Seagal pretends to be the protagonist, but he's actually the villain, in pretty much all of his movies. Van Damme is usually a great guy with a heart of gold in his movies. He's much easier to like.

Author Topic: Making fun of Steven Seagal movies (Read 959 times)

Matthew

Making fun of Steven Seagal movies

IndultCat

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C6H12O6

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C6H12O6

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Matthew

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C6H12O6

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alaric

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alaric

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alaric

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Matthew

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Minnesota

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Matthew

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jersey60

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caxap

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Matthew

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