Author Topic: Jokes from Church (Read 1743 times)

Katara of Shimabara · « **on:** May 28, 2008, 01:48:05 PM »

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl asked her mother,"Why is the bride dressed in white?"
Her mother replied,"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."
The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why is the groom whearing black?"
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A little girl, dressed in her sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for bible class. As she ran she prayed "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late." As she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, dusted her self off and started running again. As She ran she once again started to pray," Dear Lord, please don't let me be late....but don't shove me either!"

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Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers.

The first boy says,"My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, and calls it a poem, they give him $50!'

The second boy says, "Thats nothing, My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper,he calls it a song, they give him $100!"
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The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, And it takes eight peple to collect all the money!"

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An old lady died last week. Having never married, she requested that no male pallbearers. In her hand written instructions for her memorial,she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them taking me out when I'm dead!"

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A police recrute was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He answerd," Call for back up."
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A sunday school teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jarusalem. A small child answered,"Because they couldn't get a baby sitter."
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A sunday school teacher was disscussing the ten commandments with her five and six year olds.
after explainig the fourth commandment, She asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how we should treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou salt not kill."
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At sunday scool they were teaching how God made everything, including human beings. Little Jonny seemed especially intent when they told him that Eve was made from one of Adams ribs. Later that week Jonnys mother saw him lying on the couch as though he were ill, and she said,"Jonny what is the matter?" Jonny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
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Two boys were walking home from sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other,
"What do you think about all this satan stuff?"
The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa claus turned out? It's pobably just your Dad."
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spouse of Jesus · « **Reply #1 on:** March 05, 2009, 11:33:38 PM »

after telling my little cousin the story of Jesus,I found out that all he understood was:"that gentelman with nails in his hands!"
"he has born in the house of sheeps",and"his mommy was a very good woman","he was God's baby!","if I ask him for a new toy car he will give me one".
a weird evangelization!

clare · « **Reply #2 on:** March 07, 2009, 02:20:02 PM »

Quote from: Katara of Shimabara

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl asked her mother,"Why is the bride dressed in white?"
Her mother replied,"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."
...

I thought it was because household appliances generally come in white!

Lybus · « **Reply #3 on:** May 09, 2009, 12:39:55 PM »

I heard this one from a friend of mine at Church.

There were two kids who were known for their mischief. Eventually, the parents got fed up with their children's behavior and requested that the priest try and straighten them out. So the Priest took one of the kids and demanded him, "Where is God?" The kid just looked at him with a wide-eyed stare, "Where is God!?" He demanded, a little louder this time. When the kid did not answer, The priest pointed to the tabernacle and said again, "Where is God!?" And then the kid darted out of the church and grabbed his partner in crime. They went into their room, and closed the closet, where they usually draw up their plans for their latest mischief. "What is it?" the other kid asked. Then, in a low whisper, he says, "Someone stole God, and they think we have something to do with it."