Catholic Info
Traditional Catholic Faith => Funny Stuff for Catholics => Topic started by: Matthew on April 18, 2011, 06:15:09 PM
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The following questions were set in last year's GED examination
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL breed.
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election (may have got that one right)
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)
Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U..
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
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:laugh1:
Whoever answered a test like that in real life should put a bag over their head.
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And these are real answers? Heaven help us! :facepalm:
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Hands that judicious...
:roll-laugh1:
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Some of them seem more like jokes -- even puns...
Those questions weren't from any GED test... nevertheless, I thought they were funny, so I thought it was worth posting.
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My two favorites were:
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport (Irrefutable)
LOL.
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Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'?
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Is that where the Ceasarean [Sessorian] Basilica is...?
Took me like ten minutes to come up with that.
Eh, I'm not good at jokes... Maybe I should post under the influence when attempting to write a joke...
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i don;t understand them
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herbert,
If you can't get the humor in these, try reading them out loud. :idea: I liked this one:
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)
:roll-laugh2:
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herbert,
If you can't get the humor in these, try reading them out loud. :idea: I liked this one:
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)
:roll-laugh2:
but benign means graciousness
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Herbert, you don't get it. Of course benign doesn't mean what the person said it means on the test. It's just for a joke.
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herbert,
If you can't get the humor in these, try reading them out loud. :idea: I liked this one:
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)
:roll-laugh2:
but benign means graciousness
"Benign" pronounced as the phrase "be nine," implies that the person understood as the question as "What does the word "be nine" mean?" To be nine [years of age] is "what you will be after you be [sic] eight" would the correct response if the question was really what this individual thought it was.
I had to repeat this joke to myself several times before I got it. Some of these are tricky to follow, but they're really fun if you employ some effort. It is like the satisfaction of cracking a walnut would make the treat more tasty than if it had been acquired directly without having to have worked to crack the shell.
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okay boys i get it now! :roll-laugh2:
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:roll-laugh1: :applause: