[TheRealMcCoy]

I couldn't find a thread dedicated to the mythological Florida Man so here goes....

Cops Arrest Florida Man For Twice Striking Girlfriend In Face With A Steak

A Florida Man is facing a domestic battery charge for allegedly twice striking his girlfriend in the face with a steak, blows that left the victim with seasoning on her cheek, police report.
Cops say Joshua Dummar, 32, and the 29-year-old victim were arguing Sunday night in a Pinellas Park residence when the attack occurred. At one point, the woman locked Dummar out of the home, but later let him back into the residence.
According to an arrest affidavit, the woman was lying on the couch when Dummar “picked up a steak and smacked the victim two times on the left cheek...leaving seasoning from the steak on the victim’s cheek.” 
The battery, a sheriff’s deputy noted, was “captured on a ring camera” inside the home, which the victim has owned since 2016.
Pictured at right, Dummar was arrested for domestic battery and booked into the county jail on the misdemeanor rap. Dummar, who works as a landscaper, was released from custody yesterday afternoon on his own recognizance.
A judge has ordered Dummar to have no contact with the victim. Dummar’s rap sheet includes convictions for DUI and possession of cocaine and marijuana.

[Ladislaus]

This one's from a few years ago, but still my favorite.
https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-man-arrested-threatening-to-destroy-town-with-army-of-turtles-police

A self-proclaimed “saint” was arrested in a coastal Florida town Sunday after screaming obscenities and threatening to unleash an army of turtles, an arrest affidavit reportedly said.

Authorities received multiple calls about a man who was disturbing the peace at several businesses in Indialantic, a town about 75 miles southeast of Orlando, the affidavit said. The suspect, later identified as 61-year-old Thomas Devaney Lane, was calling himself “the saint” and allegedly said his army of turtles would “destroy everyone,” WKMG reported.

[Yeti]

unleash an army of turtles

.

My first thought on reading this was, "Is that even a crime?"

[Ladislaus]

.

My first thought on reading this was, "Is that even a crime?"

No, but I guess he got arrested for shouting obscenities at people.

[Yeti]

No, but I guess he got arrested for shouting obscenities at people.

.

I didn't know that was a crime either. I guess in Florida they are not as bound by liberal shackles as other places, so they can arrest people for stuff like this.

This incident would be something the devil's advocate would bring up in the cause for his canonization, presumably.