These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court.




ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
WITNESS: Gucci Sweats and Reeboks.



ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does  it affect your memory?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY:In what way does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forgot.
ATTORNEY: Can you give us an example of something you forgot?



ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: 'Cathy, where am I?'
ATTORNEY: Why did that upset you?
WITTNESS: My name is Susan.



ATTORNEY: Is it true that when a person dies in his sleep that he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?



ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty one.



ATTORNEY: Were you present when your photo was taken?
WITNESS:Are you s@#%$n me?



ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS:Are you serious?
Your Honor, I need another attorney...Can I get another attorney?




ATTORNEY: How was your first marrige terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: By whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you think terminated it?




ATTORNEY:Can you discibe the individual?
WITNESS: He was medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or female?
WITNESS: Guess.....



ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?



ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started about 8:00pm.
ATTORNEY: And Mr.Smith was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him...




ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Then, could it be possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be sure?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient still been alive anyway?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible he could have been alive and practicing law.