Catholic Info
Traditional Catholic Faith => Funny Stuff for Catholics => Topic started by: Unbrandable on July 04, 2013, 09:33:05 PM
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Changing Attitudes for 1st, 2nd & 3rd Babies
Your Clothes
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
Preparing for the Birth
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
The Layette
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean & discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
Diapering
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
Activities
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
Going Out
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
At Home
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
Pacifier
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
Swallowing Coins
1st child: when first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: when second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: when third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!
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If this was the confessional, I'd say how quickly (on most days, out of weakness) my thought process went from 1st to 3rd baby, while entirely skipping child #2! Those people still sane with 12-15 children are definitely in the "saint-to-be" category!
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An incident witnessed between child #15 and Mom. Mom walks in the room to discover Johnny, age 14 months, eating dead flies off the windowsill. (Farm country!) Mom promptly pops one in her own mouth, makes a face and noise of disgust. End of problem for a small sacrifice.
Johnny is now 28, recently married, twins on the way! Mom lives with daughter #8 and is in good health. :baby: :ready-to-eat:
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If this was the confessional, I'd say how quickly (on most days, out of weakness) my thought process went from 1st to 3rd baby, while entirely skipping child #2! Those people still sane with 12-15 children are definitely in the "saint-to-be" category!
Children are not the cause of insanity! :really-mad2:
I'd be more inclined to the opposite idea: that children can keep you sane.
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So having more than 12 children makes you crazy?
Why don't you keep your stupid opinions to yourself. Those families are examples for the rest of this pagan society. I guess it would be confusing for a novus ordo.
Makes me very mad.
:heretic:
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Guess I misinterpreted the opening post. I thought it was supposed to be light-hearted and actually funny, owning up to all the responsibilities and demands of motherhood. Sorry to those who took it as something else.
By the way, I'm #7 of 10 children in my family, and my mom had 6 miscarriages. I don't consider her crazy. I'm not against families with any number of children, and I have some of my own. Never said I was in the running for mom of the century. I'll stay out of your hair on this topic in the future.
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Guess I misinterpreted the opening post. I thought it was supposed to be light-hearted and actually funny, owning up to all the responsibilities and demands of motherhood. Sorry to those who took it as something else.
By the way, I'm #7 of 10 children in my family, and my mom had 6 miscarriages. I don't consider her crazy. I'm not against families with any number of children, and I have some of my own. Never said I was in the running for mom of the century. I'll stay out of your hair on this topic in the future.
You're pretty new around here, Isee, Dana. So welcome to the forum!
I too thought it was meant to be funny. But it only covered babies 1, 2, and 3 or rather the mother's changing approach to each one.
No need to "stay out of anyone's hair". We all have our say and we all expect someone to respond. I was just making the point that childbearing is not a cause of insanity, though I did not say anything about your comment that motherhood could indeed lead to sainthood. That is a possibility, though not a guarantee.
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Generally speaking people with 12 children don't care what the rest of the world thinks of them. It is the weak minded that have 2 children because they think that is the least offensive way to be who are not thinking.
That Nike tag line, "just do it", should really feature a large family. Not some yuppie singleton torturing themselves with too much strenuous exercise.
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Bump!
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The way I see it once you've had a couple the older ones take care of the younger ones and the work load eases off.
Course I have none and am an only child so what do I know? :D
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Most of these did not apply to me.
Yes I did Prepare for the Birth of 1st baby, but after you've done it once you have an idea of what to expect. It is no longer just theory.
I remember some of my Clothes for 1st baby: I had my usual style at the time which was high waisted and loose fitting dresses.
The Layette for 1st baby was mainly those passed on to me (hand-me-downs), quite presentable but I remember making him a jumpsuit in bright emeral green. It was a material I had picked up cheaply. But no Boy of mine wore pink.
Worries: I was brought up with the theory that crying gives them good strong lungs, but I did have my doubts about that one. My husband reinforced the theory. It's much easier on a man to listen to your baby crying. What a mechanical swing. :wink:
Diapering: I changed their diaper, if needed, and at the same rate for all.
Activities : Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour. You gotta be joking!
:roll-laugh1:
Going Out: The only time we had a babysitter I was given birth to the next, and I had other things on my mind.
At Home : You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
Yes, yes and yes.
Pacifier: Never had one.
Swallowing Coins: none swallowed a coin, that I know of, that is. :scared2: