For all my Irish Friends!

The Pope and the Queen of England are on the same stage at an Anglican and Catholic commemoration of the Anglo-Irish accords - the crowd is huge - thousands. Her Majesty and His Holiness can't help but have a little rivalry - both being heads of churches and all.

The Queen says to the Pope, "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every English person in the crowd go wild?" He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the royal-gloved wave elicits rapture and cheering from every Englishman in the crowd.

Gradually, the cheering subsides. The Pope, not wanting to be outdone by someone wearing a worse frock and hat than he, considers what he could do. So the Pope says to the Queen,"Your Majesty, that was impressive. But did you know that with one little wave of MY hand I can make every Irish person in the crowd go crazy with joy? Their joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will speak forever of this day and rejoice - they will recount it to their grandchildren and they to their descendants.

The Queen seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of your hand and all Irish people will rejoice forever? Show me." So the Pope slapped her

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A priest visited a little old lady at her home. She got a phone call, and he waited in the living room while she went into the kitchen. Bored, he began to nibble on the peanuts she had in a bowl on the table. When she came back, after 45 minutes, she apoligozed, and asked his forgiveness,  as she had not spoken to her sister in a long time. Father, in turn, apologized, as he had finished off all the peanuts. She laughed, and told him to relax. "I don't mind, Father. Ever since I lost my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off them now."

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A priest wanted to impress upon the congregation the dangers of drinking. So, during his homily, he did the following:

"People, i want to impress upon you what liquor can do for you. I have in one hand a worm and the other a glass of water. When I dip the worm in water, see what happens to the worm? Nothing! Now watch what happens when I dip the worm into the glass of whiskey here. He dies! Now, what does that tell you?"

An old drunk in the pews gets up and shouts back, "IF YOU DRINK WHISKEY, YOU DON'T GET WORMS!"

We Bears fans amuse ourselves by scaring every Indiana fan we see strutting
down the street with that obnoxious horseshoe on their coats. We swerve our cars as if to hit them, and then swerve back just missing them.

The other day, while driving along, I saw a priest walking. I thought I would do a good deed, so I pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going Father?" "I'm going to give mass at St. Francis Church, about 2 miles down the road," replied the priest. "Climb in, Father! I'll give you a lift!"

The priest climbed into the rear passenger seat, and we continued down the road. Suddenly, I saw a Colts fan with his horseshoe coat, walking down the road. I instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, I swerved back into the road just in time. Even though I was certain that I had missed the guy, I still heard a loud "THUD." Not understanding where the noise came from, I glanced in my mirrors but didn't see anything. I then remembered the priest, and turned to the priest and said, "Sorry Father, I almost hit that Colts fan."

"That's OK," replied the priest, "I got him with the door."

A man asks God:

How much is 1'000.000 Dollars to You?

And God answers:

That's almost nothing, it's like a cent to me.

The man asks:

Wow, and how much is 1'000.000 years to You?

And God answers:

That's almost nothing, it's like a second to me.

Then the man gets greedy, and says:

God, give me a cent!

And God answers:

Sure, wait a second!

Ever since becoming a traditional Catholic, I've found Lent to be very difficult.  In the Conciliar church one doesn't have to fast hardly at all.  In fact, sometimes it's completely forgotten about and the priests don't really care.

But when you come to tradition, the priests are always talking about the Lenten fast and you have to fast all through Lent!  Every Lenten season I gain at least 30 pounds because I have to fast.

I just don't know how much longer I can take 3 meals a day at McDonalds, Burger King, Taco Bell, Wendy's, and other fast food places!

Quote from: Rosarium

Quote from: Philomene Marie

YOU KNOW YOU’RE A CATHOLIC IF:
Your doorbell plays "Ave Maria."

Surprisingly relevant comedy routine about doorbells and Catholics:

Very funny!

In the linked "Doorbells" video, Bill Bailey (won't you please come home?) said the augmented fourth or diminished fifth (depending upon your outlook on life) was "banned" at the Council of Trent.   It seems odd he wouldn't have used the standard term for that interval:  it's called a tri-tone.  Maybe he didn't use the proper term because then someone might look it up.

Interestingly, we have a piece that is commonly sung for Trinity Sunday, De Trinitate, based on a composition by Adam of St. Victor, xii cent., which contains at least 16 tri-tones.  It was in common use long before Vat.II, so how could the tri-tone have been "banned?"

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