Thank you for not denying the virtue signaling!
You remind me of my father, Sean. He let his anger run him, he thought it made him strong and right.
In reality when he gave into uncontrolled anger he was weak, blind to his own faults, and sinfully unreasonable.
But he changed dramatically when he almost died. He was truly a changed man the last few years of his life, someone to admire.
It's likely that God will have to do the same thing to you as well Sean.
When He does, don't despair. He loves you and our Lady prays for you.
But also remember that you earned every bit of the suffering.