The Dioceses of New York and Brooklyn (all of NYC), have transferred Ascension Day to the following Sat. vigil or Sunday. The "diocese" of the NYC Parking Authority faithfully adheres to Church tradition and honors Our Lord by cancelling Alternate Side Parking on Ascension Thursday. Because Catholics won't offer Him due worship, He has raised up the lowly and despised distributor of fines, tickets, boots, and tows to the impound lot.
Since the Church in NY denied me the opportunity to hear the true Mass, I took advantage, with thanks to God, of parking directly in front of my residence.