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Offline graceseeker

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another lawyer joke
« on: December 06, 2017, 04:56:29 PM »
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  • Q: What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?
     A: One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

    Offline poche

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    Re: another lawyer joke
    « Reply #1 on: December 09, 2017, 04:42:10 AM »
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  • Just remember if you are ever put in jail. You will need a good lawyer.


    Offline graceseeker

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    Re: another lawyer joke
    « Reply #2 on: December 09, 2017, 01:18:00 PM »
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  • Just remember if you are ever put in jail. You will need a good lawyer.

    Just remember if I  ever get put in jail, I will not get a good lawyer. I don't have much $$$$
    :-[

    Offline graceseeker

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    Re: another lawyer joke
    « Reply #3 on: December 09, 2017, 01:45:45 PM »
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  • The National Health Institute is no longer using rats in lab experiments, but lawyers. The NHI found that lab workers were getting attached to their rodent subjects, something that didn't happen w/ lawyers. they felt guilty inflicting discomfort on rats, but had no problem w/ lawyers.




    another joke, of course.

    That one is not quite as funny as the others... bc for one, it reminds us of how the liberals always put animal "rights" b4 human rights which reminds me of Cass Sunstein, another Pres O pick... who thought animals should be able to sue when their rights are "violated"!!!

    and yet... OOOOOH SURPRISE here!

    he believed in late term abortion

    :facepalm:

    Offline graceseeker

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    Re: another lawyer joke
    « Reply #4 on: December 13, 2017, 04:48:16 PM »
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  • Q: How does an attorney sleep?
     A: First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.




    Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
     A: Only three. The rest are true stories.




    Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
     A: Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.




    :)


    Offline Neil Obstat

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    Re: another lawyer joke
    « Reply #5 on: December 13, 2017, 05:26:49 PM »
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  • .
                                                        Long story, short version
    .
    A young couple were on their way to the courthouse to get married when they got involved in a fatal accident.
    .
    They immediately found themselves on a cloudy pathway leading to pearly gates with St. Peter coming out to greet them.
    .
    They hesitated and asked him if they could have some time first to think about this because it was all so sudden.
    .
    He said, "Sure, how much time would you like?"
    .
    They replied, "We want to think about getting married in heaven, since that's what we were just about to do when 'it' happened."
    .
    St. Peter held his clipboard in his left hand and scratched his chin with his right, saying, "I'm not really sure if you can GET married in heaven."
    .
    The couple looked at each other, and the young man blurted out, "Well -- could you ask someone inside whether it's possible?"
    .
    St. Peter: "Okay, I'll go see if I can find anyone. Just you two wait right here." He jabbed his clipboard downward toward the cloud.
    .
    "Okay, we'd like a few minutes anyway to talk."
    .
    THREE WEEKS LATER........
    St. Peter returns, disheveled, bags under his eyes, clip board in hand: "All right. I found someone," catching his breath, "Yes, you can get married in heaven."
    .
    "Hmm...," the young couple said in unison, looking into each other's eyes. "We had plenty of time to discuss this, so while you were away, we began to wonder, what if it doesn't work out later on, would we be able to get a divorce in heaven too?"
    .
    St. Peter abruptly paused his breath then started to hyperventilate, threw his clipboard down on the cloudy surface and cried, "It just took me THREE WEEKS to find a PRIEST in there -- Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a LAWYER?!
    .                                
    .--. .-.-.- ... .-.-.- ..-. --- .-. - .... . -.- .. -. --. -.. --- -- --..-- - .... . .--. --- .-- . .-. .- -. -.. -....- -....- .--- ..- ... - -.- .. -.. -.. .. -. --. .-.-.

    Offline graceseeker

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    Re: another lawyer joke
    « Reply #6 on: December 15, 2017, 02:16:31 PM »
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  • .
                                                        Long story, short version
    .
    A young couple were on their way to the courthouse to get married when they got involved in a fatal accident.
    .
    They immediately found themselves on a cloudy pathway leading to pearly gates with St. Peter coming out to greet them.
    .
    They hesitated and asked him if they could have some time first to think about this because it was all so sudden.
    .
    He said, "Sure, how much time would you like?"
    .
    They replied, "We want to think about getting married in heaven, since that's what we were just about to do when 'it' happened."
    .
    St. Peter held his clipboard in his left hand and scratched his chin with his right, saying, "I'm not really sure if you can GET married in heaven."
    .
    The couple looked at each other, and the young man blurted out, "Well -- could you ask someone inside whether it's possible?"
    .
    St. Peter: "Okay, I'll go see if I can find anyone. Just you two wait right here." He jabbed his clipboard downward toward the cloud.
    .
    "Okay, we'd like a few minutes anyway to talk."
    .
    THREE WEEKS LATER........
    St. Peter returns, disheveled, bags under his eyes, clip board in hand: "All right. I found someone," catching his breath, "Yes, you can get married in heaven."
    .
    "Hmm...," the young couple said in unison, looking into each other's eyes. "We had plenty of time to discuss this, so while you were away, we began to wonder, what if it doesn't work out later on, would we be able to get a divorce in heaven too?"
    .
    St. Peter abruptly paused his breath then started to hyperventilate, threw his clipboard down on the cloudy surface and cried, "It just took me THREE WEEKS to find a PRIEST in there -- Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a LAWYER?!
    .                                
    that's pretty funny
    slams both priests & lawyers
    not undeservedly either

    Offline Pax Vobis

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    Re: another lawyer joke
    « Reply #7 on: December 15, 2017, 03:26:21 PM »
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  • These are great!  Happy Hanukkah all you lawyers out there!


    Offline Neil Obstat

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    Re: another lawyer joke
    « Reply #8 on: December 15, 2017, 04:00:52 PM »
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  • These are great!  Happy Hanukkah all you lawyers out there!
    .
    And for all the families with relatives in the armed forces......
    .
    This year, surprise them with a nice
    Israeli Army menorah!
    (Authentic Israeli Army oil drums for candle holders!)
    .--. .-.-.- ... .-.-.- ..-. --- .-. - .... . -.- .. -. --. -.. --- -- --..-- - .... . .--. --- .-- . .-. .- -. -.. -....- -....- .--- ..- ... - -.- .. -.. -.. .. -. --. .-.-.

    Offline graceseeker

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    Re: another lawyer joke
    « Reply #9 on: December 16, 2017, 01:00:23 PM »
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  • Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad.
     A: Senator.




    Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
     A: His partners.

    Offline graceseeker

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    Re: another lawyer joke
    « Reply #10 on: December 16, 2017, 01:26:25 PM »
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  • Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
     A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.





    Q: Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?
     A: New Jersey got to pick first.


    ;D


    Offline graceseeker

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    Re: another lawyer joke
    « Reply #11 on: December 20, 2017, 04:48:19 PM »
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  • so what is your favorite lawyer joke?

    I like the one about the jellyfish. I think that is the first one here.

    Then there is the one about how the devil appears to a lawyer and says that if he gives him his eternal soul, he will give him wealth, fame, a beautiful wife and he will win all his cases.

    The lawyer says "But what's the catch?"

    LOL

     

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