Between the two accounts (i.e., the priest in the OP, and the person in the text message sent to me by a friend), the common denominator is that both knew they should have not taken the jab, but did so anyway, and afterwards both describe being guilty of a tremendous betrayal of what they loved most, such that life has now lost purpose.
They erroneously believe they are hopelessly alienated from that which they most loved (God), and even in the case of the priest, sincere repentence and forgiveness has still left him feeling "not right." He is still, in his own estimation, not what he was before the brtrayal.
We saw the same process in Orwell's "1984," where Winston, amidst his torture by O'Brien, claimed they could not get at the real him; they could not get inside him and steal his love for Julia. But some time later, after the "rat torture," Winston betrayed what he loved most, telling O'Brien to "do it to Julia!"
After that point, Winston has become one of those gin drinkers with the sad faces he mentioned in the beginning of the book. Sitting around with no more lust for life because they have all been broken by the state, and betrayed what they loved most.
An excerpt from this essay explains:“Do it to Julia! Do it to Julia! Not me! Julia! I don’t care what you do to her” (Orwell 286).The torture of Winston Smith exposes The Party’s true goals. It represents the final product of totalitarianism, and what humanity is left with if allowed to flourish. Through means of mental anguish, The Party coerces people to abandon their true self, shedding their last bit of humanity. In doing so, The Party forces the people to destroy the self within them. It believes that the true self is similar to a disease that must be cured in order to maintain order within their distorted society. Although it may seem overdramatized on an individual basis, given the right circuмstances this sort of psychological brainwashing is a viable tactic used by totalitarian regimes on a wide scale. Those who attempt to live their true self are deemed insane. O’Brien explains precisely that: “Shall I tell you why we have brought you here? To cure you! To make you Sane! Will you understand, Winston that no one whom we bring to this place ever leaves our hands uncured?…We do not merely destroy our enemies; we change them. Do you understand what I mean by that?” (Orwell 253)The Party’s goal isn’t to crush opposition, that would not suffice their lust for power. In reality, their true goal is to consume the human soul and mind, not body. Winston’s mental torture is meant to transform him into another drone of society. O’Brien shows Winston that each speck of rebellion in his life was implanted there by The Party itself. He wrote the Goldstein book, the docuмents and photos that Winston worked on were fake, and that there is no Brotherhood. The Party is immortal, and everything is under their rule. However, there is one thing that Winston knew was a reality. That was his love, freedom and humanity with Julia. In order to break down that humanity, O’Brien ironically uses the natural fears that are deeply embedded within humanity to destroy humanity. During his interrogation with Winston, O’Brien explains that “We control life, Winston, at all its levels. You are imagining that there is something called human nature which will be outraged by what we do and will turn against us. But we create human nature. Men are infinitely malleable…Humanity is the Party” (Orwell 269). The totalitarian government has become the very essence of humanity. What was humanity in the past has ceased to exist, as with any remnants of it. There is nothing left but The Party, not even repressed memories. In response to Winston’s opposition of this ideal, O’Brien continues to explains that he, attempting to rebel is “the guardian of the human spirit” and that his utterly broken down form is symbolic of what is left of humanity. (Orwell 272)Winston is eventually broken and betrays Julia, which is the final nail in the coffin. Despite all the physical and mental torture, Winston always believed that his natural, human love for Julia would be salvageable. O’Brien’s goal was to destroy that, which was Winston’s last remaining bit of humanity. After all he had done and promised, his own mind, body and fears betrayed him and he betrayed his love. This is how The Party wins, to make you betray yourself. Afterwards, there is nothing left but a shell of a person who desires nothing but to embrace the government. Beauchamp’s analyzation of the climax includes “O’Brien systematically undercuts and refutes every belief Winston held, Beats and brainwashes away every trace of human dignity, until he is left with only one vestige of humanity, his love for Julia.” He goes on to explain precisely why this last shred of Winston must be decimated: “Winston hopes to be shot quickly, so that he will die still hating Big Brother, still loving Julia. But O’Brien understands this, too. It is not Winston’s life he wants, but his soul, what is ‘inside him.’ Winston thus must be made to betray Julia, for only then can he be made to love Big Brother-must be emptied of one love to be filled with another” (Beauchamp 296). As long as the totalitarian figurehead exists, there may be no room for other emotional distractions. All resources and energy must be directed towards the common goal of the government. Once this is accomplished, there is no strain of humanity remaining.https://medium.com/@Saituchiha_/spirit-breaker-the-destruction-of-the-self-within-george-orwells-dystopian-nightmare-cef77d3ec60e