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What Simeon wrote, seconded, a million times over.

My priest gave me a correction in confession yesterday, and I received a similar rebuke about a month ago - different priest. It boiled down to me refusing to submit to God's will. The truth is that I want something from Him, and have wanted it for over twenty years, and He will not give it to me. Not only that, He has stripped me of anything I already had along that same line. As in your case, "it has gotten worse."

Yet I must say that the rebukes have helped me a lot. They helped me see where I'm actually sinning in my desire. Not that what I desire is sinful. In fact what I desire is one of the highest goods. That which is sinful, is what this desire does in my soul. It pits me against the very God Who is the very object of that desire. Go figure that one out! LOL!!

I think I know why things feel worse when you pray and talk to the Lord about your loneliness. That very act strengthens the very desire which torments you so. 

Have you considered doing whatever is necessary to staunch and obliterate your desire? Yes, I said that. 

In my study of the Desert Fathers, I learned that frustration of desire is the basis of some of the worst habits of sin. The problem comes from the person refusing to let go of the desire. The desire itself is a sinful attachment. Yes, I know it sounds crazy that the desire for friends could be sinful. But any desire is sinful when it is inordinate and when it causes rebellion in the soul against the will of God.

Pray to St. Raphael, and ask him to help you put this desire of yours on the hot coals, that it may be consumed as a sacrifice, and that the devils producing it (yes, I said that), be smoked out of your heart.

I think that you may be under an obsession, placed in your mind by the devil, which he now uses to torment you.

Let go this desire. Let it go.

After reading Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence, I learned that a good way to deal with similar situations is to pray for two things:  to obtain what you desire OR to remove that desire.  This way the prayer is always answered and you are never disappointed.

I'm happy to hear this, 2V. The principle is quite sound.

I had a thought about you, Bataar. You are 45 and single, and your desire is for friendship, not marriage and children. Have you determined that you are not called to marriage? Usually by the age of 45, good Catholic men are married and raising families, and have no time for the friendships of their youth. Friendship requires an investment of time and energy. Married men must channel their energies into making a living and caring for their families. They just aren't available for merry-making, as they once were.

I don't think it is unreasonable to believe that in the post-Vatican II debacle, Catholic men called to the single life are excluded from the married state precisely in order that they may devote themselves more energetically and intensely to God's cause. They are higher-ranking soldiers of Christ, in a sense. They may be called to a hidden life of intense prayer and mortification, or to a public life devoted to a more explicit defense of the Faith.

I really cannot imagine that God has in store for any single Catholic man of the age of 45, a peaceful life of recreation and diversion and affable society and comfort. C'mon!

Everything you say leads me to believe that you do not want to expend very much energy, either in the direction of defending the Faith or of marriage and family. The friendship that you seek, at the age of 45, seems to me to be nothing more than a form of recreation and diversion.

Me begins to think the problem is not "loneliness," but a life that is drifting along without a firm sense of purpose. Most assuredly, you are not the only one who suffers from this. It is the malaise of our age. But it must be recognized and combatted - or else prepare to suffer like this the rest of your life.

I would love to be married and have a family. It just doesn't seem to be a realistic possibility so I don't focus on it. Focusing on finding and making buddy level friends is nearly impossible in and of itself so hoping to make deep and meaningful friendships or the absolute best option, a holy and Catholic spouse seem just as realistic as hoping to win the lottery. 

My autism is a huge obstacle when it comes to anything social. My brain is wires backwards for lack of a better term. Most people get to know people by just talking to them. They can be with a group of complete strangers and just start talking to them because it is the act of the conversation itself that is important. 

I need to be able to get to know someone through repeated interactions with them to learn if they're someone I can have a conversation with. Put me in a room with a bunch of strangers and I'm lost. I don't have any reason to talk to one person over another person and since I don't know them, I have no idea what they would be interested in talking about. It's hard for me to stress how important this is, but when I talk to someone I don't know, the topic of the discussion is the most important thing. Obviously if the person is someone I do know and care about on some level, things are different as I actually do care about that person and want to know more about them.

I'm also very purposeful. Everything I do has a purpose, even if it's something as simple as relieving boredom. I generally can't think of a reason to leave my house by myself so I just stay home. I know I won't meet anyone at my house, but if I can't think of anything to go do by myself, I'm at a dead end.

I used to joke about finding the wonderful and seemingly mythical place known only as "Out There". I can't count the number of times I've heard, "You just need to get out there." I never could get a specific location or time from them. 😉