Author Topic: Suffering from loneliness (Read 153512 times)

Plenus Venter · « **Reply #20 on:** March 15, 2023, 10:41:05 PM »

Quote from: Proselytize on March 15, 2023, 09:20:57 PM

Our parish priest always taught that prayer does not change God’s will for us, by praying, we simply conform our will to His.
God has nothing to change, if He did, He would be imperfect.
It is us who need to change and trust in Divine Providence, which may be a good read for the OP. The title of the book is Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence.

Read it and let Jesus take the wheel. 😊

Ah, here we get into theology! God's Antecedent Will, His Consequent Will... I'll leave that for the theologians.

It certainly "changed His Will" for Ezechias: read Isais 38, 1-6 (Epistle, Thursday after Ash Wednesday):

1 In those days Ezechias was sick even to death, and Isaias the son of Amos the prophet came unto him, and said to him: Thus saith the Lord: Take order with thy house, for thou shalt die, and not live. 2 And Ezechias turned his face toward the wall, and prayed to the Lord, 3 And said: I beseech thee, O Lord, remember how I have walked before thee in truth, and with a perfect heart, and have done that which is good in thy sight. And Ezechias Isaiah 38:4 lxxi Isaiah 38:15 wept with great weeping. 4 And the word of the Lord came to Isaias, saying: 5 Go and say to Ezechias: Thus saith the Lord the God of David thy father: I have heard thy prayer, and I have seen thy tears: behold I will add to thy days fifteen years: 6 And I will deliver thee and this city out of the hand of the king of the Assyrians, and I will protect it.

Nadir · « **Reply #21 on:** March 15, 2023, 10:42:05 PM »

Or you could offer to mow the lawn or help an elderly person who is no longer able to garden. You would not have to do much talking.

Or help with shopping. Your priest may know someone who fits the bill. There is so much need in the community.

You just have to concentrate less on yourself and think about others. It seems to me that many here are experiencing loneliness.

Matthew · « **Reply #22 on:** March 15, 2023, 10:59:14 PM »

Quote from: Bataar on March 15, 2023, 06:44:17 PM

I'm pretty much truly alone. I'm 44 years old, no wife or family of my own. My dad and 2 siblings live 300 miles away so I don't get to interact with them very often. I don't really have any good friends. I have a few buddies that I'm able to do stuff with a couple of times a month, but that's it. They're all married and have kids so they don't have time to spend with me. Unless I need to go to the store or something, I'm pretty much home, by myself. Once summer gets here it'll be nice because at least I'll be able to go fishing after work and on weekends.

Again, I'm not here to A) dismiss your sufferings or B) complain.

However, for the sake of the Big Picture, to help people grasp the situation of Trads living in 2023, I would like to compare & contrast your situation with mine.

I'm about your age. I only have a few relatives left from my childhood, but they all live either in Kansas or Illinois (I live in south-central Texas). My mother and siblings live in my hometown, 1200+ miles away. My wife's family, though they are local, aren't much more present in our lives -- we only see her mom & dad occasionally for kid birthday parties. We see a very limited # of her family at Easter & Christmas. I actually don't have any friends or buddies IRL. I also have no co-workers, as I'm unemployed. And my chapel is on our land, but we only get Mass once a month. When we do, there aren't exactly many people showing up. We have a huge mailing list, but the turnout is pretty poor. So that's very depressing. Even if we went back to our SSPX chapel, we would find it a changed place. Most of our "friends" at the chapel (the serious type Catholics, who stayed after Mass for more than 1 minute) from say 2010 have either died or moved away.

The only positive is my immediate family: wife and 9 kids. Yes, I have that. I'll happily admit it, because it's true. But aside from that, I couldn't be more lonely and isolated from other human beings. That's why I'm sympathetic with others who find a need for an online gathering place for Trads -- like CathInfo.

There are places in the country where I would have friends if I visited -- I've met many great Catholics over the years. Too many places to list, but to name a few: in New York/Connecticut, Louisiana, and St. Mary's KS. I might have some IRL friends if I were to move to one of these places. But that's not where I am.

Seraphina · « **Reply #23 on:** March 15, 2023, 11:02:07 PM »

There’s more people than you know in the same boat. I’m also by myself, have one living family member, not Catholic, and some distant relatives that I have no idea of where or who they are. (They cut themselves off in a feud over a will about which my parents refused to take sides. Or maybe they cut my parents off, probably closer to the truth. I was only five years old when this happened.) I live in a very small refurbished hunting camp with my dogs and a cat. It’s in the middle of nowhere, which is very nice, on one hand, but not on the other. I landed here due to losing my job, my apartment, and most of my stuff for refusing the jab offer. It certainly beats living in my car in a big city, which is what I did for two months.
I also don’t have regular Mass or Sacraments, although I’m better that way than the last two years when I had nothing. Try your best to establish a rule of life. Keep it simple as you aren’t a monk or an official hermit. Prayer, however brief, morning, noon, night, plus Rosary or Stations of the Cross on Wednesdays and Fridays for Lent. There’s a very concise, rhyming version in the back of the Fr. Stedman Sunday Missal that I like to use. Weather permitting, try going for a walk while praying the Rosary. Pray under your breath or think the words in your head if you’re around others and don’t want to raise the ire of a crazy person or have others dismiss you as insane.
Try getting a pet. If a dog or cat isn’t realistic, what about a bird or turtle? Lizard, snake, small rodent, or a tank with a few goldfish? My sister kept two newts found in a campground in New Hampshire. One of them lived his full lifecycle, emerging from the water and changing from dark green to bright orange. Try keeping land snails or hermit crabs. If you’re not squeamish, a scorpion or tarantula might keep your interest…or an ant farm! Plants can also lift the mood. They freshen the air and require at least a little care, some more than others. A carnivorous plant is interesting, or anything flowering.
Resist having a pity-party. The only one who will come to it is the devil, and be assured, he’s the death of the party.
As to prayer, don’t beat yourself up. If you forget or are feeling to low, remind yourself to just pray anyway. Read a prayer or recite from memory. Mary will fill in the “feeling” aspect if that’s even needed. There are many things we do devoid of any feelings, just because they are right or necessary. I don’t like hauling trash to the county environmental center (dump!), but I do it as needed or I’d have a dump surrounding my home. I really dislike laundromats, but I have to go or wear dirty clothes and sleep in a soiled bed. Prayer said just because…is better than no prayer.
There are many people on the autistic spectrum, lots more since someone decided to call it a spectrum! I’m 64 and was “diagnosed” at age 58. In retrospect, yes, I was always the kid who didn’t fit in, who had some slightly odd behavior patterns, whose interests and ways of looking at the world were unusual, or who was sometimes deemed “not normal.” Well, who cares? I’m normal for me because I’ve always been as I am. If God wanted me otherwise, He’d have made someone else. It’s not sin we’re talking about. I even got hired once for replying, “What you see is what you get!” The interviewer questioned the fact that I was wearing Birkenstock shoes! (Maybe I was a tree-hugging, fag-loving, communist liberal?) No, nothing of the sort! I wear only orthopedically healthy shoes. Everyone in my family had foot problems, women especially, from cramming naturally wide feet into stylish shoes. When young, my father wisely made we kids wear properly fitting shoes, stylish or not. He had bad feet himself from poverty, having to wear shoes that were too small. My feet are pain free and flexible as ever. I’ve never been to a podiatrist in my life! If I go to Mass and all the other women are wearing pumps, high heels, pointed toes, and I’m wearing Birkenstocks, too bad. You’re not supposed to be looking at people’s feet during Mass, anyhow!
Here’s a great way to get started. Post a large print Morning and Evening Offering Prayer to your bed or wall. Say the prayers as soon as you awake and before you sleep. Make a list of people to pray for, include souls in Purgatory, family, friends, acquaintances, world leaders, whomever… Whichever time is better, morning or evening, say one prayer for one on the list. Cross them and move on. Pray before meals. If others don’t join you, take 30 seconds to bless yourself, bow your head, pray silently, and cross yourself. Ignore others while doing so, even if they take no notice or deliberately keep talking, etc. When done, join as if nothing were unusual, because thanks to you, it isn’t. If need be, say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite hear your question/comment.” After awhile, they’ll either respect you, or they’ll go on as before, in either case, God has been thanked. If someone bullies, mocks, gaslights, ghosts, humiliates you in front of others, remove yourself from that person. Confront him or her kindly, but firmly once. Tell how exactly you expect to be treated. If you’re ignored, remove yourself from this person in as much as possible.
One more thing, friends needn’t be talking all the time. Just walking, working, eating, sharing tea, reading, playing a game of chess, paint or sketch, whittle, or whatever, doesn’t require constant chatter.

Soubirous · « **Reply #24 on:** March 16, 2023, 10:56:38 AM »

Note too that loneliness itself can be the means by which we are drawn back to God. Bataar, you said yesterday that prayer has not been fruitful for you. If the following are not among your current prayers, I'd suggest them very much.

The Seven Penitential Psalms (6, 31, 37, 50, 101, 129, and 142). The sequence becomes more hopeful towards the end.
The Litany of Humility
The Litany for the Poor Souls in Purgatory

Often, chapels and churches will have free cards of those last two available at their literature table/shelf. It helps to look or ask.

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Author Topic: Suffering from loneliness (Read 153512 times)

Plenus Venter

Re: Suffering from loneliness

Nadir

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Matthew

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Seraphina

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Soubirous

Re: Suffering from loneliness