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Author Topic: Suffering from loneliness  (Read 137885 times)

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Offline Pax Vobis

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Re: Suffering from loneliness
« Reply #45 on: March 20, 2023, 02:28:16 PM »
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    • St. Francis de Sales famously wrote, 

    "Anxiety is the greatest evil that can befall a soul, except sin. God commands you to pray, but He forbids you to worry." St. Francis points out the danger of anxiety and how it can fracture our spirits and rob our peace of mind. While many anxiety-producing realities are beyond our capability to change or control, how we respond to them is entirely in our hands.

    https://www.oblates.org/updates/the-present-moment

    https://www.oblates.org/st-francis-wisdom

    -- "You were never told not to think about your advancement, but that you were not to think about it anxiously."

    -- "Fear is a greater evil that the evil itself."

    -- "Anxiety and fear do not provide solace for our pain but aggravate it, leading us to a kind of breakdown in courage and strength because it appears that our pain has no possible remedy."

    -- "Just as internal revolutions and troubles can cause the ruin of a state, so an anxious and troubled heart no longer has the strength to resist the assaults of the enemy."

    -- "Let the world turn upside down, let everything be in darkness, in smoke, in uproar - God is with us."


    St Padre Pio - "Pray, hope and don't worry.  Worry is useless.  God is merciful and will hear your prayer."
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    Offline St Giles

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    Re: Suffering from loneliness
    « Reply #46 on: March 20, 2023, 08:24:11 PM »
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    • Quote from: Pax Vobis on March 20, 2023, 09:20:07 AM
     And a man (especially men) needs purpose; 
    And man needs to be happy, we are made to be happy, and man needs to know things.


    The saints were happy even in their sufferings. Think of something, Bataar, you have suffered, even if it is small, for the reward. Now think of the great love and desire of our Savior that helped him persevere through impossible sufferings for our salvation and the glory of God. Make yourself happy. Put a smile on frequently. Think of the rewards of heaven or read about them, and contemplate them with joy. Happily endure and offer your sufferings to god with thanksgiving, knowing you are setting yourself up treasure in heaven, where it doesn't rust and the thief doesn't steal.

    Satisfy your desire to know by studying God in scripture. Try to learn His personality and way of organizing His works throughout history. Learn what he likes and doesn't like, and read the lives of the saints to see how they pleased him.

    It helps to have a goal to find motivation. Have no other goal than being a saint. It is possible. Just make it happen, and don't give up or lose hope. You will get past this.
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    "Be you therefore perfect, as also your heavenly Father is perfect."
    "Seek first the kingdom of Heaven..."
    "Every idle word that men shall speak, they shall render an account for it in the day of judgment"

    Offline Bataar

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    Re: Suffering from loneliness
    « Reply #47 on: March 22, 2023, 08:07:20 PM »
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    • Quote from: Pax Vobis on March 20, 2023, 02:28:16 PM
    St. Francis de Sales famously wrote,

    "Anxiety is the greatest evil that can befall a soul, except sin. God commands you to pray, but He forbids you to worry." St. Francis points out the danger of anxiety and how it can fracture our spirits and rob our peace of mind. While many anxiety-producing realities are beyond our capability to change or control, how we respond to them is entirely in our hands.

    https://www.oblates.org/updates/the-present-moment

    https://www.oblates.org/st-francis-wisdom

    -- "You were never told not to think about your advancement, but that you were not to think about it anxiously."

    -- "Fear is a greater evil that the evil itself."

    -- "Anxiety and fear do not provide solace for our pain but aggravate it, leading us to a kind of breakdown in courage and strength because it appears that our pain has no possible remedy."

    -- "Just as internal revolutions and troubles can cause the ruin of a state, so an anxious and troubled heart no longer has the strength to resist the assaults of the enemy."

    -- "Let the world turn upside down, let everything be in darkness, in smoke, in uproar - God is with us."


    St Padre Pio - "Pray, hope and don't worry.  Worry is useless.  God is merciful and will hear your prayer."
    I don't think I'm anxious. I don't feel anxious and I don't really worry. I've just sort of accepted things the way they are as there doesn't appear to be any realistic way for me to change anything.
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    Offline Pax Vobis

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    Re: Suffering from loneliness
    « Reply #48 on: March 22, 2023, 10:19:13 PM »
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    Without hope in this world, I pretty much don't have any passions, dreams, goals, etc for this life. Obviously, I do hope to get to Heaven. It's just hard to do anything when everything just seems/feels pointless.

    Ok, so you're not anxious but depressed.  Depression is just long-term anxiety + hopelessness.  Same advice applies.  There's always hope.  Doesn't mean that things will turn out exactly how you want, but God knows what's best for you and it's not to be hopeless.

    For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of affliction, to give you an end and patience.  (Jer 29:11)

    Don't overthink things.  Just do something.  Action leads to energy --> ideas --> dreams --> motivation --> hard work --> goals being fulfilled --> success --> happiness.

    Happiness is not a goal.  Happiness is what you get as you work towards something.  But you'll never be happy and you'll never have any goals/passions if you don't start something, anything.  A journey of 10,000 miles starts with 1 step.  Life's a journey.  You just gotta start.

    Most people confuse "loneliness" with boredom and/or emptiness.  If you cure your boredom and emptiness with worthwhile things and goals, you'll no longer feel lonely, even if you're alone.  Because you'll feel happy about yourself and your life.  You have to be happy with yourself before you can be your best and be a good partner.  Good luck to you.  You can do it.  God is with you.
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    Offline Bataar

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    Re: Suffering from loneliness
    « Reply #49 on: March 23, 2023, 12:07:08 AM »
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    • Quote from: Pax Vobis on March 22, 2023, 10:19:13 PM
    Ok, so you're not anxious but depressed.  Depression is just long-term anxiety + hopelessness.  Same advice applies.  There's always hope.  Doesn't mean that things will turn out exactly how you want, but God knows what's best for you and it's not to be hopeless.

    For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of affliction, to give you an end and patience.  (Jer 29:11)

    Don't overthink things.  Just do something.  Action leads to energy --> ideas --> dreams --> motivation --> hard work --> goals being fulfilled --> success --> happiness.

    Happiness is not a goal.  Happiness is what you get as you work towards something.  But you'll never be happy and you'll never have any goals/passions if you don't start something, anything.  A journey of 10,000 miles starts with 1 step.  Life's a journey.  You just gotta start.

    Most people confuse "loneliness" with boredom and/or emptiness.  If you cure your boredom and emptiness with worthwhile things and goals, you'll no longer feel lonely, even if you're alone.  Because you'll feel happy about yourself and your life.  You have to be happy with yourself before you can be your best and be a good partner.  Good luck to you.  You can do it.  God is with you.
    True, but to start a journey, you have to have a destination in mind before you can take that first step as well as plans on how to complete that journey. Just taking random steps seems to lead to me stepping off a cliff.
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    Offline Nadir

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    Re: Suffering from loneliness
    « Reply #50 on: March 23, 2023, 12:53:35 AM »
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    • Quote from: Bataar on March 23, 2023, 12:07:08 AM
    True, but to start a journey, you have to have a destination in mind before you can take that first step as well as plans on how to complete that journey. Just taking random steps seems to lead to me stepping off a cliff.
    What a negative you have, Bataar. You seem to be finding comfort in your misery. 

    Of course you don't need a destination before starting a journey. Do you think that God will really lead you over a cliff?

    Did Moses know his destination when he was going out from Egypt?

    Read Exodus, starting at Chapter 3 and see where it takes you. Moses had no plans at all. SomeOne else was planning his journey and he started out blind. He protested and questioned and doubted and insisted, as you do, that he was the wrong man for the job. He started out with no destination, no provisions, no map or plan. He did obey God, grudgingly, and he never arrived at his destination as a punishment for his doubting. But his people benefitted and we acknowledge his greatness to this day.

    Think about how you are going to start your journey. There is no-one in your neighbourhood who needs assistance, a listening ear, who needs her grass cut, etc. etc. Have you particular interests?  Can you share them? Take on some practical training. At 44, you may have quite a few year to live. Why not live them instead of moping through them. Get a good health checkup. 
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    Help of Christians, guard our land from assault or inward stain,
    Let it be what God has planned, His new Eden where You reign.

    +RIP 2024

    Offline Pax Vobis

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    Re: Suffering from loneliness
    « Reply #51 on: March 23, 2023, 08:35:50 AM »
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    True, but to start a journey, you have to have a destination in mind before you can take that first step as well as plans on how to complete that journey. Just taking random steps seems to lead to me stepping off a cliff.
    No.  The point is, you'll figure out your destination on the way.  Take action on something.  Anything.  However small.  Just go DO.  You have to get out of your head.  That's the point of activity.  Get a hobby, even if you stick with it for only a week.  Start 10 different hobbies.  Whatever it is, just do something different.  Your present situation is not good, so try new things.  And stop thinking.  Eventually, as you get busy on new things, you'll figure out the destination.  
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    Online Ladislaus

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    Re: Suffering from loneliness
    « Reply #52 on: March 23, 2023, 08:40:14 AM »
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    • Quote from: Pax Vobis on March 23, 2023, 08:35:50 AM
    And stop thinking.

    This is good advice for introverts (melancholic types) who might tend to introspect far too much, but it might be too much to ask since it's contrary to their natural temperament.
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    Offline Pax Vobis

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    Re: Suffering from loneliness
    « Reply #53 on: March 23, 2023, 09:18:14 AM »
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    • I've read stories where the monks who lived in the desert spent much of their day making things with palm leaves, like weaving baskets.  And after spending a week meticulously and painstakingly making the basket, they would burn it in the fire (they didn't need it) and start with a new project.  Why?  To keep their mind occupied with some task.  Why?  Because you can't pray 12 hours a day and the body needs work to do.  When the body works, the mind can take a break.  So when I say "stop thinking" I mean stop analyzing the past/future, and the best way to do that is to occupy your mind with some physical task.  Then your mind can only concentrate on the present moment and it is at peace.  
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    Offline Bataar

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    Re: Suffering from loneliness
    « Reply #54 on: March 23, 2023, 10:31:01 AM »
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    • Maybe we're talking on different levels when it comes to a journey. I was thinking big picture like finding a meaningful job. Obviously something like that would likely require school and training so I would definitely need to know what type of job I'd want in order to take that first step and get training. 
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    Offline 2Vermont

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    Re: Suffering from loneliness
    « Reply #55 on: March 23, 2023, 11:00:52 AM »
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    • Quote from: Bataar on March 19, 2023, 11:54:58 PM
    Loneliness just makes life so hard. I've been pretty much alone my whole life and it just gets harder to deal with. I'm not suicidal, but I can't wait for my life to end. Hoping to get to heaven is pretty much the last hope I have anymore. I don't hope for a good career/job (meaning one I like that seems meaningful), I don't hope to find a wife. It would be amazing if it happened, but I just gave up hoping for it. I don't hope to make good friends because that seems pointless too. Obviously God could grant all of that for me, but I just no longer believe He's going to. Without hope in this world, I pretty much don't have any passions, dreams, goals, etc for this life. Obviously, I do hope to get to Heaven. It's just hard to do anything when everything just seems/feels pointless.
    Why? As for a wife, you're 44.  We got married at 40.
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    Offline Bataar

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    Re: Suffering from loneliness
    « Reply #56 on: March 23, 2023, 11:41:44 AM »
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    • Quote from: 2Vermont on March 23, 2023, 11:00:52 AM
    Why? As for a wife, you're 44.  We got married at 40.
    Mainly because it doesn't seem to be in the cards. I'm 44 and have never had a girlfriend or any kind of romantic relationship. Every time I meet a woman I'd like to pursue, I'll either learn she is not single or some flukey thing will happen to prevent any progress. I generally tell people that I lack the ability to meet single women. I've just come to the conclusion that it's probably not God's plan for me so actively hoping for it is pointless. 
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    Offline 2Vermont

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    Re: Suffering from loneliness
    « Reply #57 on: March 23, 2023, 11:46:53 AM »
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    • Quote from: Bataar on March 23, 2023, 11:41:44 AM
    Mainly because it doesn't seem to be in the cards. I'm 44 and have never had a girlfriend or any kind of romantic relationship. Every time I meet a woman I'd like to pursue, I'll either learn she is not single or some flukey thing will happen to prevent any progress. I generally tell people that I lack the ability to meet single women. I've just come to the conclusion that it's probably not God's plan for me so actively hoping for it is pointless.
    Have you ever gone to the Fatima Conference (CMRI) in Spokane, WA?  It's every October. I see you are only 30 minutes away.  I also see you have a CMRI church only 15 minutes away.  I wish I were that close.

    CMRI: Congregation of Mary Immaculate Queen – Traditional Catholic Priests, Brothers and Sisters
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    Offline Bataar

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    Re: Suffering from loneliness
    « Reply #58 on: March 23, 2023, 12:04:00 PM »
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    • Quote from: 2Vermont on March 23, 2023, 11:46:53 AM
    Have you ever gone to the Fatima Conference (CMRI) in Spokane, WA?  It's every October. I see you are only 30 minutes away.  I also see you have a CMRI church only 15 minutes away.  I wish I were that close.
    No. I was unaware of the Fatima conference, but I'll keep my eye on it for this fall. That's good to know. I haven't been to that church yet (Mary Immaculate Queen). There's an SSPX chapel very close by that I attend. I'm actually trying to start a monthly board game night at the church, but I'm meeting some resistance. 
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    Offline 2Vermont

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    Re: Suffering from loneliness
    « Reply #59 on: March 23, 2023, 12:09:08 PM »
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    • Quote from: Bataar on March 23, 2023, 12:04:00 PM
    No. I was unaware of the Fatima conference, but I'll keep my eye on it for this fall. That's good to know. I haven't been to that church yet (Mary Immaculate Queen). There's an SSPX chapel very close by that I attend. I'm actually trying to start a monthly board game night at the church, but I'm meeting some resistance.
    I happen to know that single ladies do attend that conference. ;-)

    This is MIQ's website:

    Livestreaming Mass – Mary Immaculate Queen Parish (miqparish.org)

    T    his seems like a larger parish.  I have to think they have a social after mass there.  Also, I see they have Saturday catechism classes for adults. All opportunities to meet others!
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