Author Topic: My brother's health..... sigh (Read 3047 times)

spouse of Jesus · « **on:** January 04, 2010, 01:07:41 AM »

My brother used to be "our little one" for many years. He is 18 now, but untill recently, he was a plump, smiling boy with sparking eyes and rosy cheeks. He knew well how to make everybody laugh.
But unfortunatly, his weight was too much. (BMI 35!) Everybody mocked him, advised him and told him that unless he looks more handsome he can never marry.
Two months ago he decided to go on a diet. it happend suddenly. He is losing much weight now (more than what is normal in a diet) he is much depressed and his body is so weak.
I am worried lest he has anorexia nervousa. losing 3 kg every week is not normal, is it?
Please tell me if it is serious and what must be done.
(he goes from doctor to doctor because his body is weak and because of his low mood, what else can be done?)

St Jude Thaddeus · « **Reply #1 on:** January 04, 2010, 02:07:16 AM »

No, spouse, his weight loss is not normal at all! :shocked:

Has he simply stopped eating altogether? How does he find the willpower to overcome his hunger pangs? Are you sure he's not taking some drug or "dietary supplement" to help him avoid eating?

I have heard that anorexics often deny that they are too skinny, even when put in front of a mirror. Does your brother recognize that he has a problem, or does he think he looks fine, or that he needs to lose even more weight? If its one of the last two, that could be an indication of anorexia.

What is his spiritual life like? Is he a Muslim? Is he devout? Can you (or have you already) told him that God does not want to be like this, that he is making himself more unattractive to women, and that he needs to avoid extreme behavior like that if he wants to meet a young lady?

Have you or other family members tried introducing him to a young woman? Some young men are very shy and could benefit from the old-fashioned way of parents arranging encounters for their sons and daughters instead of this "meat market" dating system that we have in the modern Western world.

spouse of Jesus · « **Reply #2 on:** January 04, 2010, 02:37:35 AM »

Jude, I don't know how to put it into words, but my brother used to dream alot about how he wants his future to be. From the time he was 5 he beggan to tell me that he wanted to be a father with many sons and daughters. His childish painting had only one theme: a man in a car with his wife and many children going to the trip. He was so in love with this wish, that others soon realized how they can tease him and make him do what they want:
" study hard or you can never have a job=never marry"
" Do this or that or nobody will be attracted to you."
"Don't do this or that or you can never have children"
It is where so much manipulation leads:
He has no faith whatsoever, I asked my elders to do sth for him, but they said that marriage is not "child's game"! according to them my brother must be much perfect, mature, have a MA etc. before he thinks of women.
He has not yet reached the "too skinny" stage, but he has reduced his food to less than one third of what it used to be.
His size was xxL now it is L!

Alex · « **Reply #3 on:** January 04, 2010, 02:55:41 AM »

The heavier you are, the more lbs you will lose in a week. If your brother was really fat, then it is no surprise that he would lose that much in that short of a time (3 kg a week is about 6 lbs a week). Usually, the first few weeks of a diet, a person will lose a lot of weight.

How much did your brother weigh before the diet? How long has he been on the diet so far? Maybe if you give us that info., we can tell you if he is losing too much weight in such a short period.

As for your brother not meeting a woman because of his weight, I have seen plenty unattractive and fat men get married and unattractive and fat women get married - so not having the perfect look doesn't necessarily mean that one will never be able to get married. And there is also the fact that women don't look at outward appearance in a man as much as men look for attractiveness in a woman. A woman can easily fall for a man if he has a big heart, is a gentleman, and treats her like his queen. I have found fat men attractive because of their personality.

spouse of Jesus · « **Reply #4 on:** January 04, 2010, 03:22:20 AM »

Quote

How much did your brother weigh before the diet? How long has he been on the diet so far? Maybe if you give us that info., we can tell you if he is losing too much weight in such a short period.

We use metric measures here:
He is rather short: 160 cm height. He was 91 kg las mounth, now he is 80 kg.

Alex · « **Reply #5 on:** January 04, 2010, 04:12:41 AM »

Quote from: spouse of Jesus

Quote
How much did your brother weigh before the diet? How long has he been on the diet so far? Maybe if you give us that info., we can tell you if he is losing too much weight in such a short period.

We use metric measures here:
He is rather short: 160 cm height. He was 91 kg las month, now he is 80 kg.

160 cm = 5 feet 3 inches

80 kg = 176 lbs (at 91 kg he was 200 lbs)

Your brother has lost 24 lbs.

How long has he been on his diet?

Standard weight for 5'3" man is:
small frame =130-136 lbs
medium frame = 133-143
large frame = 140-153

spouse of Jesus · « **Reply #6 on:** January 04, 2010, 04:21:51 AM »

Quote

How long has he been on his diet?

I think one mouth or one mounth and a half.
Add to this his depression and tics.
He was much abused (verbally and emotionally) on the account of his heaviness. Now me and my step-mom feel guilty. I was among many others who told him that if he wants an "angelia julie" he must lose some weight.
We all teased him alot on the account of his dreamy wishes about his marriage in future.

Alex · « **Reply #7 on:** January 04, 2010, 04:28:01 AM »

Quote from: spouse of Jesus

I asked my elders to do sth for him, but they said that marriage is not "child's game"! according to them my brother must be much perfect, mature, have a MA etc. before he thinks of women.

Well, your brother does need to mature a bit first before getting married. 18 yrs. old is too young to be married. That is just out of high school. A person at 18 yrs. old is a different person than he is in his twenties or thirties. Your brother is still a teenager.

And your brother does need to get a higher education, so as to be able to get a good paying job, because he will need to have the income to support a wife and kids.

No, he doesn't need to be perfect. There is someone for everyone in this world. I've known of a woman marry a midget. I've watched a docuмentary on a woman marring the heaviest man in the world. I've known of a good looking man marry a legless woman. Love is blind.

Your brother needs to develop a friendship with a woman first. Women have fallen in love with men (and men with women) whom they at first had absolutely no attraction to. But, as the friendship developed, deeper feelings began to develop and, before they knew it, they were in love.

Alex · « **Reply #8 on:** January 04, 2010, 04:35:09 AM »

Quote from: spouse of Jesus

Quote
How long has he been on his diet?

I think one mouth or one mounth and a half.
Add to this his depression and tics.
He was much abused (verbally and emotionally) on the account of his heaviness. Now me and my step-mom feel guilty. I was among many others who told him that if he wants an "angelia julie" he must lose some weight.
We all teased him alot on the account of his dreamy wishes about his marriage in future.

I've lost 15 lbs in 1 month before, and that was on an 800 calorie a day diet. The first week, I took off 7 lbs. It wasn't the healthiest thing to do, but it wasn't life threatening. I never felt weak though.

Your brother does need to consult a doctor first. When you are more overweight, there could be serious health problems with a sudden and severe diet. The fact that your brother is feeling weak is a red flag - so either tell him to consult a doctor or to put more calories to his diet. Tell him that with crash diets you are more likely to gain the weight back soon after coming off the diet. You are more likely to keep the weight off, if you diet in moderation.

Alex · « **Reply #9 on:** January 04, 2010, 04:44:29 AM »

Quote from: spouse of Jesus

I was among many others who told him that if he wants an "angelia julie" he must lose some weight.

Oh yeah? Well you would be surprised how many ugly looking men I have seen with very attractive looking women.

Tell your brother that women don't tend to focus on looks as much as men do. If he shows her his beautiful inner qualities then he could win her over.

Telesphorus · « **Reply #10 on:** January 04, 2010, 08:00:21 AM »

Quote from: Alex

Well, your brother does need to mature a bit first before getting married. 18 yrs. old is too young to be married. That is just out of high school. A person at 18 yrs. old is a different person than he is in his twenties or thirties. Your brother is still a teenager.

There's nothing Catholic about that point of view. Obviously an 18 year old male is rather young to marry, but to say 18 years old is too young to get married is very wicked if it leads to sin and prevents a good marriage.

Quote

And your brother does need to get a higher education, so as to be able to get a good paying job, because he will need to have the income to support a wife and kids.

Not everyone needs a higher education.

Quote

No, he doesn't need to be perfect. There is someone for everyone in this world.

No, there isn't. That's just not true. Some people can never hope to marry.

Quote

I've known of a woman marry a midget. I've watched a docuмentary on a woman marring the heaviest man in the world. I've known of a good looking man marry a legless woman. Love is blind.

Midgets amputees, morbidly obese are okay for marriage. 18 year olds are not. I see. Alex you need to learn to think more carefully.

Quote

Your brother needs to develop a friendship with a woman first.

Not necessarily.

Quote

Women have fallen in love with men (and men with women) whom they at first had absolutely no attraction to. But, as the friendship developed, deeper feelings began to develop and, before they knew it, they were in love.

So men should let women string them along as friends. Very good for female vanity. Not good for men.

Telesphorus · « **Reply #11 on:** January 04, 2010, 08:03:05 AM »

Spouse, your brother has accomplished a lot losing weight.

His weightloss does seem rather fast.

Just make sure he eats a bit more. Otherwise, you should congratulate for his effort.

I started to become fat when I was 18. By the time I was 20 I was obese.

He's lucky to be getting thin when he is, before the fat does damage.

Belloc · « **Reply #12 on:** January 04, 2010, 09:08:46 AM »

Quote from: spouse of Jesus

My brother used to be "our little one" for many years. He is 18 now, but untill recently, he was a plump, smiling boy with sparking eyes and rosy cheeks. He knew well how to make everybody laugh.
But unfortunatly, his weight was too much. (BMI 35!) Everybody mocked him, advised him and told him that unless he looks more handsome he can never marry.
Two months ago he decided to go on a diet. it happend suddenly. He is losing much weight now (more than what is normal in a diet) he is much depressed and his body is so weak.
I am worried lest he has anorexia nervousa. losing 3 kg every week is not normal, is it?
Please tell me if it is serious and what must be done.
(he goes from doctor to doctor because his body is weak and because of his low mood, what else can be done?)

what is he doing to lose the weight? what diet? exercise?

spouse of Jesus · « **Reply #13 on:** January 04, 2010, 11:35:55 AM »

Well, he used to eat a lot of fast food especially pizza with ketchup. He had lots of "snacking" between meals. Not to forget ice creams. He has reduced his meals to just a little bread and cheese for breakfast, meat and rice for lunch and youghert for dinner. No snacking, no fastfood, no ice cream now.
He is either sleep or sleepy most of the time. my step-mom forced him to eat something between meals today.
I miss his laughters. He is so morose now!

Telesphorus · « **Reply #14 on:** January 04, 2010, 11:51:36 AM »

Quote from: spouse of Jesus

Well, he used to eat a lot of fast food especially pizza with ketchup. He had lots of "snacking" between meals. Not to forget ice creams. He has reduced his meals to just a little bread and cheese for breakfast, meat and rice for lunch and youghert for dinner. No snacking, no fastfood, no ice cream now.
He is either sleep or sleepy most of the time. my step-mom forced him to eat something between meals today.
I miss his laughters. He is so morose now!

He's still overweight. It takes a lot of patience to lose weight, and it is fatiguing. He seems to be eating enough. Give him a bit extra sometimes if you think he needs it.

Author Topic: My brother&#039;s health..... sigh (Read 3047 times)

Author Topic: My brother's health..... sigh (Read 3047 times)