I am finally getting help with my anger through anger management classes. I really like the guy I am seeing. He made me understand why I have these issues, and more important some things I can do to help with these issues.
Basically, when you are subjected to any kind of stress for a long period of time such as a soldier in battle, or any other kind of stress that lasts for a long period of time your brain changes. Your brain produces hormones called glucocorticoids. Our system also tightens up and we get into what is called the fight/flight/or shock mode. Our heart rate increases and neurons in the frontal cortex are killed making rational thought impossible.
Think of your body's reaction to stress as a heart monitor...only difference is in this case...flat lining is what you want. A flat line means you are at a calm peaceful state, which is where you want to be. Now a "normal" person is introduced to stress, the line goes up a little bit and will adjust and the line will look more like a small bump. But, when the person who has had large amounts of uncontrolled stress meets with stress the flat line becomes a spike and the top of the spike is where you explode.
So what you want to do...let's say you have to work with Bob tomorrow. Now Bob is a total A-hole and you hate working with him. Just the thought of having to work with him makes you ticked off. The first thing you want to do before you have to work with Bob is the night before you want to begin breathing deeply and slowly. What this does is it actually stops your brain from making the glucocorticoids and keeps you calmed and "flat lined."
Now, this isn't going to work all the time so what you need is a relief valve if you start spiking. You want to stop that spike before you blow...so your pressure relief valve is something like taking a walk, working out, or doing something to work out the aggression before you explode.
Obviously it's not something that's going to work overnight. But it's a starting point and something I can work on.