You must have known I wasn't going to let this one go, Matthew :wink:
God wants us to do our duty of state. God wants men to work, for example, without exception. Either working at the spiritual life in the Religious Life, working for souls as a priest, or working at a job in the single/married life. Living a life of self-will and leisure is not God's will for ANYONE unless that soul is not going to get any other reward ("Heaven") for the good deeds he has done.
Excuse me, are you saying that someone who doesn't work goes to hell? Where is that written?
This is something that is much on my mind, since I have never really "worked," as in worked worked. I spent my twenties hatching movie plots and trying to be the next Shakespeare, but I can't call that work. The problem is that, once I realized the devil had me in his clutches, and I found the Church, I had no experience and no skills, there is literally NOTHING on my resume, except three years of college at UCLA.
I have no clue what to do now. Well, maybe a little clue, but it's kind of Joan of Arc-like and fantastical. The plan is to study Latin on my own, go to France, prepare for the Chastisement, and hope I survive to do the work of rebuilding in whatever capacity God needs me.
Nevertheless, my conscience at times still nags at me, telling me to do something. But whatever I apply to, I don't get hired. Before I was baptized, I tried to apply at a hotel as a night desk-clerk, also as a doorman, but when they see me walk in, it looks almost ridiculous, I just have this look of a rich pampered guy and they hire Mexicans, not intellectuals, for that kind of job. I remember walking into the hotel and the entire staff was Mexican and when I said I wanted the job and had no resume they looked at me like I'd just landed from Mars ( understandably ).
The first thing after my conversion that I thought of, of course, was being a priest, but I don't fit in at the CMRI. I've even been told that I wouldn't make it through seminary due to my politics. They are apparently Republicans, and I have the Droleskey view, that all parties are naturalists. There are other reasons. I have great respect for the CMRI priests, but I don't belong as one of them. Just look at my exchanges with Myrna and you'll see why.
Then I was going to study with Dawn's priest and bishop, but had a sort of falling-out with Dawn and I'm uncomfortable with that situation.
I wonder what God requires of me, what is His will? Yes, men should work, you should serve society, but what do you do if you KNOW the society is on its way into the toilet and isn't going to last? We are supposed to use our talents and gifts. That is a more appropriate way to say it then "We must work." Well, I have no skills whatsoever in terms of manual labor, and I mean NONE. I mostly grew up with a single mother and can barely hammer in a nail ( not that my dad would have helped, he can't hammer in a nail either ). I'm intellectual and verbally gifted, so it's plain to see that I'd excel as a lawyer, like my dad, or a teacher, like my mother. But should I really go back to college and study to be a lawyer or teacher when I don't believe this society, this country, has a future? That is like Noah stepping off the Ark and saying "Nah, I'm wrong, I'll just go be an insurance agent and forget about this animal business."
By the way, I have come into some money since my mom died, enough so that I could go back to school without having to take out a loan. But it feels utterly fruitless. And I believe it is God telling me it is fruitless. I'd be wasting my money and time, planning for a future that isn't there.
Can anyone deny it? Are you going to tell me I'm just lazy? Believe me, I'd LOVE to be a French teacher in high school or college, that would be as close as I could come these days to being a Jesuit. But it's not in the cards. When they are massively laying off teachers already, what is my incentive to even start? I know it's not going to get better, but worse.
So what, Matthew, do you think God DEMANDS that I do? What if I am in a place right now where I can't use any of my gifts? Does He want me to do something, anything, even if it's basically not my style? Should I take whatever I can get, even if it's just being a security guard, taking dangerous work despite that I can afford to be at "leisure"? How many hours a day should I spend looking for work like this?
I can't be a religious or priest, not due to my own fault, but due to the crisis. It is clear that in another age I'd be a St. Alphonsus. We are exactly alike, if not in terms of sanctity, in terms of our talents: Lawyer personalities with a mystical streak. I can easily see myself serving the Church in a BIG way, if it is God's will, but the time is not yet. In the meantime, what do I do? Right now I'm thinking I'll teach English in France as a private tutor and that's about it, a part-time thing, studying Latin the rest of the time.
Ultimately, my question boils down to this -- if you can't use your gifts and talents, are you required to do something anyway that doesn't use your gifts and talents, even to try to do something that is contrary to your gifts and talents, like being a truck-driver would for me? Should I transform myself to find a job, to fit in?
Topic: Work and salvation. (Read 1710 times)