Matthew et al, I'll take a stab at this one, esp in hopes of understanding a solution.
Standards and confusion- if I had to sum it up with 2 words, this is what it would be.
It seems every Catholic family has different standards at this time in history, that it makes if very very difficult to find someone that has the same standards as any given family. Its almost too much. Let me make a list here of some things that cause divisions (just my opinion, fwiw)-
TV- some fams are completely against and dont even own one, some just watch movies, some watch regular tv, others watch cable.
Modesty- this includes views on jeans or pants or skirts, the definition of modesty (what does 'tight fitting' really mean?)
Technology- This runs the full gamut. Some fams the kids have a cell phone, they text, a facebook page, play online video games, are in chat rooms. You have in between fams, and then all the way down to zero use of this stuff by the kids.
Fashion- From Little House on the Prairie to blue nail polish and everywhere in between. Double and triple ear peircings, etc.
Outside influences on children- some fams have their kids in public schools, or playing sports with 'modern' kids, or playing with every kid up and down the block. Others are a bit pickier, and choose less friends, but a lot of times, they are not Catholic, but rather 'good Christian' people. Again, all the way down to the kids ONLY playing with other Trad kids in their parish.
The really weird part of it, is what each parent picks as important vs what they will slide on (and I dont think I am any different, but I live exhausted trying to find the right boundries). I have one friend that wont let her girls where jeans, only pants, absolutely no video games are allowed in the house, no internet use by the kids, but the kids go to public school. I have another that homeschools, is super strict about modesty, but her older daughter's best friend is an emo girl that 'just doesnt know if there really is a God". And another that has really instilled in her children not to date before 18 or ready for marriage, but the girls age 12 and up where painted on jeans. I could go on with every imaginable scenerio, but you get the picture.
I am somewhere in between on all of this. I guess Ill take a few hits, but that is ok. We have a tv, but just watch movies, docuмentaries. The girls wear jeans (I dont)-mostly because we ran a farm for almost 8 years, and milking cows can be immodest/dangerous in skirts. But the jeans have to be loose around the rear, 'saggy'. No cell phones, but we have a ps3 and the children play it here and there.
I guess all I can say, is, if there were more strict standards across the board in this day and age, it would be much easier to associate and network with 'like minded' folk. But, until that comes, it just seems like chaos.