Thanks for letting me back on Matthew. I sincerely appreciate it. I've been praying for you and for many people on this site, as many as I can remember each evening ( when I don't get lazy ).
Thanks for all the prayers, everybody
. I was kind of surprised Alex mentioned this happening. I wrote a post but I'm not sure if I want to send it, I don't know if it's right to talk about it in too much detail here. I'm also in shock and can't think. I have been working a lot lately on guarding my tongue and this is so serious, I want to be sure I do it right.
What I do want people to know is that there really are mitigating circumstances, she wasn't in her right mind. Please keep praying, because if there was ever a suicide who has a chance to make it, at least to purgatory, this strikes me as a very clear case. By the time she converted, she was already at such a disadvantage due to a vicious combination of factors -- she was aging, she had been put on various cocktails of drugs, I was in the process of converting and was kind of crazy like new converts tend to be and was putting pressure on her, and plus she had lost her job, where she had worked almost all her life. It was this awful triangulation of things that hit her all at once.
She would always say to me, "I love Jesus and Mary, but it's too late for me." She knew suicide was a mortal sin, and that's why I am hoping that when she did it, it can be blamed on the drug. With her attitude, I think it is certainly possible she repented of what she did before the end. She was just in indescribable pain, not that that makes this any better.
As for how I am, and thanks for asking CS, I am in shock and feeling just indescribably weird for many reasons. I am in a very strange place right now. But God will get me through. There is no reason for anyone to worry, He has lavished a lot of grace on me despite how it looks. Inside He has made me so strong compared to how I was before. If this happened in my twenties, I may have lost my mind.