Author Topic: Random advice for the young adult (Read 1966 times)

Marlelar · « **on:** April 25, 2014, 05:45:26 PM »

What piece of advice would those of you who are mature adults offer to a young adult? Can be about anything - education, employment, finances, faith, marriage - anything.

Marsha

ggreg · « **Reply #1 on:** April 25, 2014, 06:01:12 PM »

As you approach adulthood decide what you want to do with your life and commit to it. Don't be a flitter or procrastinator.

Mabel · « **Reply #2 on:** April 25, 2014, 06:04:12 PM »

On marriage/ courtship...

If he/she doesn't wear the scapular or pray the rosary, they aren't marriage material.

Matthew · « **Reply #3 on:** April 25, 2014, 06:15:32 PM »

On courtship/marriage:

Don't marry a non-Catholic. Even if it seems hopeless that you'll find a good Catholic spouse, it would be even worse to pretend or settle for a non-Catholic. The Catholic Faith is for your protection, it's not a curse or a burden.

The only thing worse than being single because you couldn't find a Catholic spouse, is to find yourself married to someone who doesn't share your values or morals. Imagine spending the rest of your life celibate -- because they believe in divorce but you don't, or because they insist on using birth control.

Or imagine a disunited family where the father/mother doesn't help raise the children Catholic. Most children from mixed marriages don't value religion -- after all, religion had to be downplayed for decades for the sake of familial peace. So it has to be that way!

There are fates worse than singleness.

While single, try to be as constructive as possible. Make yourself into a "catch" by hard work, study, training, etc. Try to stay focused and don't waste a lot of time. You will make progress week by week, month by month, and year by year. When that eligible man/woman DOES show up at your chapel (etc.), you will be ready and attractive to him/her.

Cantarella · « **Reply #4 on:** April 25, 2014, 09:08:45 PM »

Quote from: Matthew

Don't marry a non-Catholic. Even if it seems hopeless that you'll find a good Catholic spouse, it would be even worse to pretend or settle for a non-Catholic.

Only God knows how much I agree with this.

Cantarella · « **Reply #5 on:** April 25, 2014, 09:15:43 PM »

"A real Catholic says that the achieving of salvation is a victory, and the first victory that a man ought to bethinking of during the day. The one effort which a man ought to be making every moment of his life is toward the saving of his immortal soul. Everything else would take care of itself – sanity, certitude, marriage, children, vocation, employment – all would be beautifully taken care of, if the saving of his immortal soul were the first aim of every man".

InfiniteFaith · « **Reply #6 on:** April 25, 2014, 09:21:29 PM »

Quote from: Matthew

On courtship/marriage:

Don't marry a non-Catholic. Even if it seems hopeless that you'll find a good Catholic spouse, it would be even worse to pretend or settle for a non-Catholic. The Catholic Faith is for your protection, it's not a curse or a burden.

The only thing worse than being single because you couldn't find a Catholic spouse, is to find yourself married to someone who doesn't share your values or morals. Imagine spending the rest of your life celibate -- because they believe in divorce but you don't, or because they insist on using birth control.

Or imagine a disunited family where the father/mother doesn't help raise the children Catholic. Most children from mixed marriages don't value religion -- after all, religion had to be downplayed for decades for the sake of familial peace. So it has to be that way!

There are fates worse than singleness.

While single, try to be as constructive as possible. Make yourself into a "catch" by hard work, study, training, etc. Try to stay focused and don't waste a lot of time. You will make progress week by week, month by month, and year by year. When that eligible man/woman DOES show up at your chapel (etc.), you will be ready and attractive to him/her.

I agree with your advice. The only question now is...where to find the right one. It seems there is not enough opportunity to meet someone even at a chapel. People just show up to mass then they leave afterwards. There is hardly any community activity after mass or even other times during the year. This is one thing I have been disappointed with ever since I have regularly started attending mass 3 years ago.

Sigismund · « **Reply #7 on:** April 25, 2014, 09:27:58 PM »

Quote from: Matthew

On courtship/marriage:

Don't marry a non-Catholic. Even if it seems hopeless that you'll find a good Catholic spouse, it would be even worse to pretend or settle for a non-Catholic. The Catholic Faith is for your protection, it's not a curse or a burden.

The only thing worse than being single because you couldn't find a Catholic spouse, is to find yourself married to someone who doesn't share your values or morals. Imagine spending the rest of your life celibate -- because they believe in divorce but you don't, or because they insist on using birth control.

Or imagine a disunited family where the father/mother doesn't help raise the children Catholic. Most children from mixed marriages don't value religion -- after all, religion had to be downplayed for decades for the sake of familial peace. So it has to be that way!

There are fates worse than singleness.

While single, try to be as constructive as possible. Make yourself into a "catch" by hard work, study, training, etc. Try to stay focused and don't waste a lot of time. You will make progress week by week, month by month, and year by year. When that eligible man/woman DOES show up at your chapel (etc.), you will be ready and attractive to him/her.

As always, excellent advice from Matthew on marriage.

I would add: Pay your bills on time, keep your word and your promises, apply the principle of charity to every situation, and be kind to children.

alaric · « **Reply #8 on:** April 26, 2014, 07:34:10 AM »

Quote from: Marlelar

What piece of advice would those of you who are mature adults offer to a young adult? Can be about anything - education, employment, finances, faith, marriage - anything.

Marsha

I assume you're a young woman so my advice is one I would/have offered to my own daughter who is a young woman and that is never feel the need that you HAVE to have a man no matter what, don't ever just settle for the simple fact that you NEED to be with someone.

Also, on relationships, always look for selflessness in your potential mate. I believe that is the biggest flaw in this younger generation and why they can't seem to have long ,lasting and permanent relationship/marriage. Most are so damn selfish and tied up into the world and what they want or entitled to. Love is about sacrifice, it's about having more concern for someone other than your self, that is what being a husband,wife, mother and father are all about.

As for faith, I'm going to break ranks here and not advise you only date/marry "catholic", that is not a necessity in my opinion. First all, ninety percent of the "catholics" I know don't attend Mass, don't believe/agree with many of the doctrines/dogmas of the Church to begin with, they basically have nothing to do with religion and live out there life no different than any other prot, pagan, atheist or Jєω out there on a daily basis. They're only "catholic" because their families are or were, whatever the case. Second, if you are truly devout, then you could have a postive effect on converting a non-Catholic into the True Faith. There are many out there that curious and even interested in true Catholicism and not the the quasi-prot, New Age clownshow passing itself off as the "Church" these days.

And finances, my best advice is to STAY OUT OF DEBT. Especially the high compound interest notoriously employed by usurious Jєωs and non-Catholics which is strictly forbidden by the Church. Debt is slavery, this is a biblical principle, nothing has changed, your life will always be miserable trying to pay of these parasites and their ridiculous interested rates that are compounded.

Also, I forgot to mention, try and find a spouse that is ethnically/racially/culturally as close to you as possible, while this rule is not an absolute, it will make things easier and more compatible for both of you, your families and your children. Many parents and grandparents would at least like their children or grandchildren to at least look,act or speak a little like themselves.

alaric · « **Reply #9 on:** April 26, 2014, 07:45:20 AM »

Quote

There are fates worse than singleness.

Boy, he nails it here.

How many times have I seen people in my family, even my own children, absolutely miserable because they're stuck in a relationship that they coudln't out of or just walk away because they just can't stand to be alone.

They're no different than addicts in my opinion, I swear it's like some form of an addiction cycle that they can't break free from and almost always need some kind of "intervention", usually from family, to make it happen.

Have confidence and faith in yourself. Like I said, YOU DON'T NEED TO HAVE TO BE WITH SOMEBODY, not at the expense of your sanity or even eternal soul.

Besides, if you are truly devout in your Faith, YOU ARE NEVER TRULY ALONE.

ggreg · « **Reply #10 on:** April 26, 2014, 08:04:18 AM »

Quote from: InfiniteFaith

It seems there is not enough opportunity to meet someone even at a chapel. People just show up to mass then they leave afterwards. There is hardly any community activity after mass or even other times during the year. This is one thing I have been disappointed with ever since I have regularly started attending mass 3 years ago.

So start the community activity yourself.

soulguard · « **Reply #11 on:** April 26, 2014, 08:05:41 AM »

Good advice all. I am a young adult and I read these advices with interest. If i cant become a monk then the marriage advice will be useful to me. If I was to offer my own advice it would be to "Do all things with council". Dont go by your own ideas, get feedback.

Luker · « **Reply #12 on:** April 26, 2014, 10:40:37 AM »

Some very good advice in this thread so I went ahead and did a drive by upvoting everyone :cool:

Matthew as always, very sound words in regard to marriage, I find them very helpful and I am sure many others do as well.

I am still of the age where I can certainly accept advice at least as much as dish it out, but one nugget of wisdom I received out of school that stuck with me I will share here.

"It is not what you make that counts, It is what you spend"

As I have gotten a little older the more this advice rings true. A person or family could have an income of $100,000 a year and spend every last penny of it (and I have met these people) and be in a far worse position than a more humble/frugal person or family with an income of $50,000 that manages to put away $6-8000 a year into savings every year. I have been on and seen both ends of this spectrum and was before when I was a miner, 'chasing the rainbow' so to speak, seeking the really high paying jobs always trying to 'get the money' regardless of other costs. That is fine so far as it goes, but in the end what really matters is your spending !! If you can be disciplined and control your spending, you can get ahead no matter what you income you make.

Tiffany · « **Reply #13 on:** April 26, 2014, 11:12:45 AM »

For a young woman I would say when you are ready for marriage not to exclude men who are older than your peer group. If you know a single man of good character in your chapel don't over look him as a potential husband. Don't use Hollywood values in your decision but look at his character.

For both young men and young women don't be alone with the opposite sex if you want to preserve your chastity. IRL the few women I know who were virgins at marriage always had chaperons.

Marlelar · « **Reply #14 on:** April 26, 2014, 01:41:17 PM »

For the person who thought I was a young woman (I wish, there are so many things I'd do differently

), I am actually a grandma to 5 so far and looking forward to many more.

My advice for young men would be to have a plan to support a family before even thinking of courtship or marriage. You need to have a marketable skill or profession because security is attractive to women.

Women need to know that our children will be fed and clothed and housed. It may be a humble home, clothes bought from a thrift store, and eating lots of rice and beans but the thought of ending up living in the family car with 6 or 8 kids terrifies us. We know disasters can strike and we might lose it all in 10 years, but at least starting out with a plan shows your maturity and that you think about the future not just live for the moment. And a nest egg never hurts - it will demonstrate to her father that you are a serious and responsible young man.

For young women - develop your mind, learn to think logically, not just with your heart which is what most of us women tend to do. Not that the heart is bad - never! But men want to know their wives are reasonable, intelligent, and pro-active. And know how to COOK!

For both: live your faith and deepen your faith.

Marsha