Author Topic: Qualities of a good spouse (Read 2748 times)

catherineofsiena · « **on:** June 15, 2012, 04:57:49 PM »

I am wondering what the qualities of a good spouse are from the perspective of practicing traditional Catholics. I am especially interested in the input of those already married.

I think we have the obvious basics down as in -

- Catholic
-practicing the Faith, keeping the Commandments
-open to children

...but what else? Is there more in the practical day to day life that makes for a successful, life long marriage?

How to safeguard against divorce?

What do women and men need from each other from their own perspective?

Any thoughts?

Nylndech · « **Reply #1 on:** June 15, 2012, 05:30:33 PM »

I generally disapprove of Dr. Phil

however he did make a good point about keeping marriage going

he called it "retreat with dignity" or something like that

basically if husband/wife argue about something, both spouses refrain from insulting comments about the other

and avoid breaking the other down

this other stuff is my idea

don't use silent treatment

don't use guilt, it only creates resentment

compromise

don't argue to win

don't let kids/relatives/friends split each other

cuddle often

give allowance to spouse to enjoy his/her interests as long as not sinful

pray Rosary together

go on dates

catherineofsiena · « **Reply #2 on:** June 15, 2012, 05:37:00 PM »

I read something a while back, can't recall the source, where it said women need love and men need respect. Both need love and respect but one is needed more for the other.

I would add women need to feel safe and provided for. I think it's important for women to have men to admire. What they admire depends on the invidual woman but I would say there are certain basics that are universal.

catherineofsiena · « **Reply #3 on:** June 15, 2012, 05:39:10 PM »

invidual = individual

Marcelino · « **Reply #4 on:** June 15, 2012, 06:04:21 PM »

They need to have the same goals, both short and long term. A little variance is o.k., here and there, but they should be overwhelmingly the same goals, both short and long term. Otherwise, they will be at odds with each other, no matter how attracted they are to each other, how financially and physically secure they are and how great their social and communication skills are.

Nadir · « **Reply #5 on:** June 15, 2012, 06:04:38 PM »

A woman ought to be able and willing to take an active part in the education of the children, given the parlous state of the education system today. (I include in that the SSPX schools. They do not necessarily produce the results in children that Catholic parents would want.) The first responsibility belongs to the parents and so the mother, being the heart of the home, would necessarily be prepared and willing to provide a basic education. :reading:

Marie · « **Reply #6 on:** June 15, 2012, 06:43:34 PM »

The husband should wish to seek advice and council from his wife prior to making decisions on important matters. But, he should remain head of the household, and after taking into consideration his wife's thoughts on a matter, he alone makes the final decision. And the wife should back him up in decisions he makes.

Too often in today's world we see, even in Traditional marriages, the wife "wearing the pants". This leads to an emasculation of her husband, among other problems. Also, children in the home need to see this interaction between their parents. This is one way the children will learn appropriate roles for a husband and a wife.

"Being subject one to another, in the fear of Christ. Let women be subject to their husbands, as to the Lord: Because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. He is the saviour of his body. Therefore as the church is subject to Christ, so also let the wives be to their husbands in all things. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the church, and delivered himself up for it..."
Epistle of Saint Paul to the Ephesians V, 21-25

I would say it is very helpful for husbands and wives to prayerfully read the Encyclical of Pope Pius XI on Christian Marriage: CASTI CONNUBII

ServusSpiritusSancti · « **Reply #7 on:** June 15, 2012, 06:56:51 PM »

While courting, both men and women should ask themselves "Will this person help me get to Heaven?".

As for a successful marriage, as Marie said, the man is the head of the household and makes the final decision, though he should respect his wife's wishes, just as his wife should respect his decisions. The man is also the breadwinner, while the woman is to stay at home with her children.

There's obviously more to this, but I think much of what needs to be said has already been said.

Telesphorus · « **Reply #8 on:** June 15, 2012, 07:09:22 PM »

Marie has the right idea. Look up the Bible passages dealing with what a good wife (or husband) should be like. And also, you should look up the passages about the dangers posed by a bad wife.

Quote

But speak thou the things that become sound doctrine: [2] That the aged men be sober, chaste, prudent, sound in faith, in love, in patience. [3] The aged women, in like manner, in holy attire, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teaching well: [4] That they may teach the young women to be wise, to love their husbands, to love their children, [5] To be discreet, chaste, sober, having a care of the house, gentle, obedient to their husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

catherineofsiena · « **Reply #9 on:** June 15, 2012, 07:13:39 PM »

Quote from: Marie

Too often in today's world we see, even in Traditional marriages, the wife "wearing the pants". This leads to an emasculation of her husband, among other problems. Also, children in the home need to see this interaction between their parents. This is one way the children will learn appropriate roles for a husband and a wife.

Loss of respect follows the emasculation. I really dislike the secular trend of portraying men as incompetent fools. This is so common on television. The women who do it are seen as strong women which is another misidentifier because the definition of a strong woman (or person in general) is not an abuser or a woman who behaves like a man.

Although, now that I think about it, maybe emasculation is the end result of other problems.

catherineofsiena · « **Reply #10 on:** June 15, 2012, 07:15:58 PM »

Quote from: Telesphorus

Marie has the right idea. Look up the Bible passages dealing with what a good wife (or husband) should be like. And also, you should look up the passages about the dangers posed by a bad wife.

True, but a bad husband is a danger as well.

People in general, including Trads, are not taught how to choose a good spouse. The rest of the problems come like falling dominoes.

catherineofsiena · « **Reply #11 on:** June 15, 2012, 07:19:40 PM »

Quote from: SpiritusSanctus

While courting, both men and women should ask themselves "Will this person help me get to Heaven?".

THIS. SS! :applause:

wallflower · « **Reply #12 on:** June 15, 2012, 07:56:52 PM »

Humility.

My husband had all the regular stuff, the Faith, a good job, good looks, but what tipped the scales for me was that I also saw a streak of humility in him that is very hard to find. I picked up on that and treasured it immediately.

I don't mean any kind of false humility where he never makes eye contact or something strange like that, I mean he has a true deep knowledge and appreciation for the fact that he needs help to get to heaven. Needs help from God, needs help from me, needs help from his family. He does not have that individualist mentality that revolves around himself. He is very oriented towards others and very giving of himself.

From there all other virtues have fertile ground on which to keep developing thoughout our marriage and he does nothing but get better every year which in turn helps me at least attempt to do the same. He has been an example for me in so many ways, all based in that streak of humility I first picked up on.

Since he does so little for himself it is very motivating for me to support him in all the little ways I possibly can. It makes me want to do more for him, for his happiness and his comfort. So really you want someone who can inspire you to better yourself. With God's grace of course but also with their practical day-to-day example.

catherineofsiena · « **Reply #13 on:** June 15, 2012, 08:34:30 PM »

Quote from: wallflower

Humility.

My husband had all the regular stuff, the Faith, a good job, good looks, but what tipped the scales for me was that I also saw a streak of humility in him that is very hard to find. I picked up on that and treasured it immediately.

I don't mean any kind of false humility where he never makes eye contact or something strange like that, I mean he has a true deep knowledge and appreciation for the fact that he needs help to get to heaven. Needs help from God, needs help from me, needs help from his family. He does not have that individualist mentality that revolves around himself. He is very oriented towards others and very giving of himself.

From there all other virtues have fertile ground on which to keep developing thoughout our marriage and he does nothing but get better every year which in turn helps me at least attempt to do the same. He has been an example for me in so many ways, all based in that streak of humility I first picked up on.

Since he does so little for himself it is very motivating for me to support him in all the little ways I possibly can. It makes me want to do more for him, for his happiness and his comfort. So really you want someone who can inspire you to better yourself. With God's grace of course but also with their practical day-to-day example.

That was really nice. You are fortunate to have him.

Ethelred · « **Reply #14 on:** June 16, 2012, 02:20:46 AM »

Quote from: catherineofsiena

I am wondering what the qualities of a good spouse are from the perspective of practicing traditional Catholics.
...
I think we have the obvious basics down as in -

- Catholic
- practicing the Faith, keeping the Commandments
- open to children

- good cooking

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

P.S. Whoever tasted our Austrian cuisine will already know this, I hope. :scratchchin: